Sarah Silverman Visits. 02/04/10. 8:40am
After the break we heard a prank call Sal and Richard made to a pizzeria where they confused the guy taking the order and then put him on the line with another pizzeria. Fred played a cover of ”Like a Rolling Stone” featuring John Mellencamp and others as they were coming back.
Howard came back from break and said that Sarah Silverman was there. He asked if she was on the Sybian yet. Robin said she was waiting out in the green room and not on the Sybian.
Howard said that Sarah’s TV show is coming back for a third season. Howard told Benjy not to hound people from Penthouse to get his girlfriend in the magazine. Benjy said they came up to him. Howard said he’d argue with him after Sarah left.
Sarah came in and said that she has a friend who worships Fred. Fred told her not to say that because it upsets Howard. Howard said he does get upset about that but Fred is a good guy. Howard said the guy should worship him. Sarah said the guy does worship Howard too.
Sarah said that this guy has recordings from when he was 10 years old and he was doing some hard core dirty stuff at that age. She said his name is Danny Sterling. Gary said he heard some of it. Howard told Sarah to send it to them and they’ll play them on the air. Howard said he did some dirty puppet shows around that age.
Howard asked Sarah if she lost weight. She said she lost 11 pounds in a year. Howard said that’s interesting that she decided to do that all of a sudden. Howard said Sarah knows how to dress all of a sudden.
Howard said he has theories about Sarah. He feels he lost Sarah in the break up between her and Jimmy. Howard said he’s tried to maintain a relationship with her and she’s not living up to her part. Howard said that Jimmy has been to his home since the break up. Sarah said she would come if she was invited. Howard said Jimmy just shows up and tells him when he’s going to be in town. Sarah said that she’s going to do that too then. She’s going to bring her new beau to his house.
Howard said he read that Sarah is with a comedian and she’s always dating guys like that. Sarah said she has to. She said Howard can’t date someone without a sense of humor either.
Howard said the break up really made him sad. He said that Sarah and Jimmy were really close and they were good together. Howard said he didn’t know what happened but he read about it in Mike Walker’s column and now he gets it.
Howard said he read that Sarah caught Jimmy with his current girlfriend and that’s why she brought up. Sarah said that is not true and both she and Jimmy saw the story and they both knew it was made up. Sarah said she used to point out the legs on this Molly chick and she never knew that Jimmy was going to fall for her. She said she’s happy for Jimmy. She said that she loves him so much and she’s rooting for him. Howard said he heard that she’s not allowed on the show anymore. She said that’s not true. She was just letting it breathe a little bit. Sarah said that she thinks she’ll be back on the show sometime.
Sarah said she was cleaning out her desk and found some CDs that Molly made for her. Howard said Jimmy brought Molly to his house out in the Hampton’s. Howard asked if she’s still in love with Jimmy. Sarah said she loves him but she’s not in love with him. Howard asked what happened and why they broke up. Sarah said it wasn’t abrupt like Howard says it was. Howard said he thinks that Jimmy was hurt by the break up. Sarah said that she knows that and she’s sure he was hurt. She said she was hurt when they broke up the first time.
Howard asked why Jimmy would do that to her. Sarah said that he doesn’t have the life experience that some of them have for dating. Sarah said that she understands Jimmy and where that came from. She said it really hurt her hard. She said she understood it though. Howard asked why they got back together if Jimmy didn’t like her anymore. Howard said it was odd how Jimmy tried to get back together with her and he fell in love again and Sarah wasn’t in love with him anymore. Sarah said that she thinks that happens a lot.
Sarah said that the guy she’s dating now works as a writer on Family Guy. She said she dated another guy who was an actor. Howard asked how this new guy got her. Howard said her ass is looking great and tight and it’s never looked better. Howard said her body has a curve and she was showing some cleavage. Howard told her to get on the Sybian now.
Howard said Sarah grew a moustache for her new season of her TV show. He said she finds out that she was born with a penis and a vagina in that episode and she wants to become a man. Howard said the episode was really funny. He said that her real sister is in the show too. Howard said he read that she has another sister who lives in Israel. Sarah said she makes fun of her because she’s never been to Israel. Howard asked if it was true she doesn’t go because she doesn’t like Jewish people. Sarah said that they are a little pushy.
Howard asked Sarah if she would work with Mel Gibson in a movie if he asked. She said she probably wouldn’t but she’s not sure.
Howard asked if she’s following the late night TV show wars. She said she loves it all. Sarah said that Conan has done well by NBC and they really screwed him. She said that they moved Conan out to L.A. and they only gave him six months and then took the show away. Sarah said that’s really shitty of them to do that. Howard said that Jay the scumbag stabbed him in the back too. Howard asked if she’ll do Jay’s show. Sarah said she probably won’t but she doesn’t know for sure. She said that she blames NBC more than Jay. Sarah said that doing Jay’s show is really easy to do. She said that Letterman is squeamish and dark but at least he’s authentic. She said that Dave is the best and you just want to please him.
Howard said that Jay Leno is a monster. He said he’s like the Wolfman. He said that NBC has humiliated Jay twice now and he can’t stand up and walk away from them. He said that he should have done that the first time they fired him. He said that Jay is a phony, a fraud and a dick.
Sarah said that Jay is always talking about how he lives off the road money he makes while he’s sitting on top of all of the Tonight Show money. Sarah said that he’s like Silas Marner. Fred and Howard said that was way over this audience’s head.
Howard asked Sarah if she thinks Jimmy is going to be upset about her losing weight and getting into shape. She said she doesn’t think so.
Howard asked Sarah how long she waited to get into a relationship with another man. She said it was a long time. Sarah said she felt that she had put too much on it. She said that she had been with Jimmy for 7 years and it was like the next guy was going to be breaking that seal.
Howard asked if the first guy she dated was worried about the whole thing since the relationship was so public. Sarah said that he was worried about that and she didn’t think he should rule his life that way. Sarah said this guy she’s dating now doesn’t give a shit about that and he just rolls with it. Howard asked if they spend a lot of time together. Sarah said they’re together every day. His name is Alec.
Sarah was drinking a Red Bull so Howard asked what was up with that. She said that she’s been doing shows non stop and she’s trying to be fresh with him. She said she did Letterman last night and she thought that she was being frantic but she watched it this morning and it was fine. Sarah said Dave was upset with the crowd. She said that he referenced the crowd saying that maybe they could go over to her show and ruin that too.
Howard asked Sarah about what she did on the show last night. Sarah said she tried to get Dave to play along with her and that’s just not what he does. She said that she was kind of trying to move the interview into other things and Dave would take the reins back.
Howard said he knows what Sarah is talking about. He said that he has had the same experience. Howard said that he has learned that if Dave wants to go there then just go with him. He said that if it’s not funny then don’t be funny. He said it’s okay to answer seriously.
Howard asked Sarah if she was on for just one segment. She said it was just one but it was pretty long. Howard laughed when she said that. Howard said he thinks it’s funny that they’re discussing that one or two segments thing like it really matters.
Sarah said that she didn’t want to talk to Dave in the middle of the break so a bunch of other people came up to her and told her she did a great job.
JD came in and said that Sarah wears outfits that show cleavage and she doesn’t do that on Howard’s show. Howard said she looks great. JD said she looks great but she dresses up more for Letterman. Howard said Dave picks up chicks. Sarah said she dresses formal for Dave because he likes that. JD said she should dress sexier for Howard than she does. Howard said he thinks he’s out of line.
Howard asked JD if he wishes he could go out with her. JD said he doesn’t’ really know her. Robin said he didn’t know Ashley Dupre either and he asked her out. Sarah said ”Oh please JD” like she was asking him out.
Howard asked Sarah if she saw Paris Hilton at the Letterman show last night. Sarah said she did not. She said that they don’t let you see anyone else there. Sarah said it’s kind of weird over there the way they take you out of there without letting you say goodbye to Dave. Howard said he gets busy with those blue cards so it looks like he’s doing something else. Sarah said Dave didn’t even give her a glance after the interview.
Howard asked if Sarah thinks about bringing up Dave’s dating his staff. Sarah said that stuff doesn’t surprise her and she didn’t think about bringing it up. Sarah said she’s a comic and she has that thing inside her that she just wants to please Dave. Howard said he would have to bring up that whole thing if he went on the show. That’s why it’s probably best that he not go on.
Howard said Sarah has this desire to please Dave and the whole staff seems to have that. He said that some of them went further than others though. Sarah said that she gets dressed up for Dave too. She said they don’t show clips of her show on his show and it’s like his show has to be more classy and elegant. She said that some of the best stuff is on TV right now. She aid that show ”Damages” is great. She said she loves it so much. Robin said that she heard that Damages was good. Sarah said that it’s Sopranos good.
Sarah is working on a book so Howard asked her about that. Sarah said that most of it is about her life in high school and before. She said that she talks about a lot of the things that happened to her as a kid. Howard asked if she wrote about her grandmother killing her brother. Sarah said that was a terrible way to put it but she did write about it.
Sarah said that her parents had a son and her mom was a winner on that show ”Concentration” and won a bunch of prizes. She said that they kept a trip to Bermuda and waited for the baby to be born. Sarah said that the baby was 3 months old when they went on the cruise and they left the baby with the grandmother. they had a portable crib and the grandpa went to find the baby and the baby was gone. It turned out the baby had slipped down and suffocated in the crib. She said they had to call her parents back from their cruise. Sarah said that her parents had this weird thing for feeling bad for the grandparents and there was this weird thing where they felt bad for the grandparents and not the parents.
Sarah said that was all very awful. She said that her oldest sister told them the story when she was like 5 and she was intrigued by the whole thing. She said that her Nana picked them up one day and she sued to joked around about stuff when she was a kid. She said that her Nana took them out and told them to put on their seat belts and she said ”Yeah, so we don’t end up like Jeffrey.” She said her grandmother burst into tears. Sarah said that chapter is going to be called ”The First Time I Bombed.”
Howard said he read that she got paid $2 million to write that book. Sarah said that’s true. Howard said that she must be getting paid better than the boyfriend. She said she’s not sure about that.
Howard asked where Sarah met this guy from Family Guy. Sarah said she had seen him over the years and always thought he was handsome but never thought of him in a sexual way when she was with Jimmy. Sarah said she ended up getting on Twitter after Howard’s show started doing it. Sarah said she was following this guy because he’s so funny. She said that he followed her too and they ended up sending direct messages. Sarah said she wrote to him that he was really funny and he wrote back and they went back and forth. She said that they eventually moved to email and they were going back and forth in that. Howard said he can’t do email like that. He said he’s not witty in email.
Sarah said that Alec is good at doing all of that. She said that they eventually met when she invited him over to her place. She said she was all ready for bed that night. She said she saw an email from him and told him to come over. They had never even talked on the phone. She asked him to come over and feel her forehead until she fell asleep. Howard said that’s some sense of humor she has. Sarah said she was in hospital pants and ready for bed. Howard asked if he banged her that night. Sarah smiled. Sarah said that they did make love that night. Sarah said that she had seen pictures of him but she was surprised at how skinny he actually was. Sarah said that she wasn’t sure if he’d be able to lift her to safety if there was an emergency. She said she asked him about that and he said he could. He said that he said that he might not be able to lift her if there was a fire or something. Howard said he’s not sure he could lift up Beth either. He said he’s pretty weak. Sarah said that he might die trying to lift her.
Howard asked if they had sex more than once that night. Sarah said it may have been one or two times. Howard asked if he had a bigger penis than Jimmy. Sarah said that they’re about equal. Howard asked if Jimmy could lift her in an emergency. Sarah said he probably could.
Howard said he’s very proud of Sarah. He said he doesn’t feel so weird now. He said that maybe Molly is better for Jimmy than Sarah would have been in the long run. Howard said maybe Sarah will end up marrying this guy. Sarah said that she doesn’t like marriage right now and she’s not planning on getting married. She said she’s angry at people who are getting married at all just to join that club of assholes who won’t let gays get married. She said she loves when her friends get married but she doesn’t want to do it herself.
Howard said Sarah is right and they should have a boycott of marriage until they allow gays to marry. He said that she’s making a good point and he doesn’t think she’s joking at all. Sarah said she’s not joking at all.
Howard said that Sarah’s TV show on Comedy Central returns for its 3rd season tonight. Sarah said it’s been 14 months since the last season was on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Sarah really is hot. Howard said she really does look great. Sarah said she’s been doing this free app on her iPhone that keeps track of what you eat and it’s working.
Howard said that Sarah hasn’t been on the air for 14 months and she’s upset about that. Sarah said that the people at Comedy Central are retarded. She said that they’re literally retarded. She said she doesn’t understand their business plan and they don’t plan on changing it. Sarah said that they have to see every episode and how it performs in the ratings before they’ll pick up another episode. Howard said he didn’t understand that. He said that he didn’t understand what she said. Robin said they don’t’ commit to a season until the season is over. Sarah said they don’t know if they’re picked up until the entire season has aired. Howard got it after that.
Howard asked about Sarah sleeping with this guy after never meeting him. Sarah said that she had met him before but they hadn’t really gone on a date or anything. They’ve been together every day since that first night. She said that he’s there in New York with her but not there at the show. Howard said that’s fantastic and he’s happy for her. He added ”I guess” to that statement. Howard said he wanted her to be unhappy a little longer after the break up with Jimmy.
Howard gave Sarah some more plugs and said that her book (The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee) is coming out in April. He took a few more phone calls for her after that. One guy said that he saw Sarah at some event he was at and she was smoking pot with a guy from the TV show ”Northern Exposure.” Sarah said she loves to smoke pot. She said that she doesn’t drink so she smokes pot instead. Sarah said she actually has a prescription for medical marijuana. She said she’s pretty sure she wouldn’t get arrested for having it on her.
Sarah said that Gary had the clips of the 10 year old doing the dirty talk that they mentioned earlier. Howard played one of the clips and it was this 10 year old cursing while doing a phony news story. Howard was laughing at it. Sarah said that Dan is the head writer on her show. Howard said that was some dirty stuff. Sarah said he talks about ”hot cum” and stuff in the tape. Howard played some more of it and Dan was cursing like crazy in this fake news program he had created. Howard said this sounds like his own Batman and Robin tape. He said he thought he was the only one doing that as a kid.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he heard that Jimmy had gotten rid of another writer on his show so he could move Molly up. Sarah said that wasn’t the case. She said that guy wanted to move up on the show but he couldn’t do it there so Jimmy got him a job where he could. She said that Molly deserves that job that she got and Jimmy wouldn’t just give her the job because they’re a couple.
Ralph said that he had some of the weed that Sarah had and it was in a piece of candy or something. He said he’s never been as high as he got on that stuff. Sarah said that it was Bonbons that she had that time. Ralph didn’t remember what it was.
Howard let Ralph go and asked if Sarah has a new movie coming out. Sarah said that it’s out now and it was with Peter Dinkladge and Steve Bushemi. Robin was jealous that she worked with Peter. She said she has a crush on him.
Howard read that she’s in another movie called ”Peep World.” Sarah said she’s not sure what’s going on with that movie. Sarah said that she worked with Michael C. Hall in that movie. Howard said that he didn’t know that he had cancer when he saw him accepting an award with the skull cap on. He thought he was just trying to be like Benjy.
Howard told Sarah that he’d love to take her out to dinner but he’s busy this weekend. Sarah said she’s busy too. Howard gave her some more plugs and went to break a short time later.