Artie Lange: They called me a mama’s boy because I didn’t want to do coke in the 7th grade

Artie, who is turning 50 this year, opened up to a group of about 100 people at the Caroline’s On Broadway venue, where he recalled his drug-fueled medical crisis in July for the first time on stage.

“So this is exactly what my doctor said, with my Italian mother next to me. Alright, I’ll tell you, your son has an abscess right here next to his heart and it formed a reservoir. In the reservoir is a bunch of heroin and cocaine that formed a sludge. A sludge of heroin and cocaine. If you don’t get it out soon, he will be dead within a week.”

“Then my mother burst into tears. That’s what he said, he said the word sludge. That’s an example of living badly. I don’t want to hear that at 50 years old.”

Artie said he lives with constant regret that he began a sordid life of drugs and excess at such a young age.

“I’m 50. It’s been a rough 50 years. if I could do it all over again, I’d tell that kid, no,” he admitted. “I’d tell my middle school self, no I don’t want to do coke in the steam room. They used to call me a mama’s boy because I didn’t want to do coke on a Tuesday morning, 9 o’clock in the 7th grade.”

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