Howard came back and Gary told him to pick up the phone because he had someone very annoyed with him on the phone. Howard picked up the phone and it was Don Rickles. Don said that he loves John Stamos but he wasn’t going to snap just because he wasn’t at that party last week. He said he’s an old Jew trying to stay alive and he doesn’t need to be at that party.
Howard told Mr. Rickles that he came out to L.A. and Jimmy Kimmel threw him a party. He said that Stamos got upset that Don wasn’t invited. Don said that wasn’t what happened. He said that John invited him to go along but he said he wasn’t invited. Don said he told John to get over it. Don said that he didn’t want to be made out as a cripple for not being at the party. He said he wasn’t hurt by that.
Howard said it never would have occurred to him that he’d want to be there. don said that he would have said okay if he had been invited but he wouldn’t have sat around and dribbled like Howard thought. Howard said he has a lot of respect for Don Rickles. He said that he used to study the guy when he’d make a movie.
Howard said that’s like saying they should have invited President Obama to the party. He said that he knows now that Don would have come so he won’t leave him alone now.
Don sad he’s doing Jimmy’s show in June so he’s going to break his balls over this. He said he’s doing Letterman tonight and the show will air on Wednesday night. Don said he doesn’t live in the world that Howard thinks he lives in.
Howard asked Don if he still does his wife. Don asked if he circles the bed and gets an estimate or does he just jump right in. Howard said he jumps right in.
Howard told Don he’s going to invite him to everything now and he’s going to have to call the police because it’ll be like he’s stalking him. Don said he just called in to let him know that he wasn’t as upset as John Stamos said. He said he had heard rumors about the party but he didn’t know much about it. That’s when John Stamos flipped out.
Howard said he thinks that the party would have been all about Don if he had showed up. Don said that he just wanted to let him know he wasn’t a wreck over the whole thing. He said they are followers of Howard’s and they figured he should know.
Howard asked Don about the great parties he used to go to. Don said he had great times back in the day. He said that he used to go to Johnny Carson’s place back in the day. He said that Letterman has even taken him out to dinner. He said he took him out to a club one night. He said he’s had dinner with Letterman and his writer. Howard sounded shocked by that. Howard said that’s unusual because he doesn’t even go to his own staff parties. Don said he was very flattered.
Howard asked who Don thinks is better, him or Letterman. Don said that’s easy, Letterman. Don told Howard he remembers the first time meeting Howard and Robin and how he introduced himself. Robin said that they talked about that for a long time after.
Howard asked Don if he will talk to Letterman about the sex stuff that went on over there. don said he won’t even bring that up. He said he has other material he can use. He said Howard has to talk about that stuff. Don told him he has to calm down with that once in a while. Don said that’s not his style and he should come out and see his show sometime. Howard said that Don embarrasses a lot of people at his shows. Don said he’s never mean spirited though. He said he’s been doing this for 50 years now so he must be doing something right.
Don said that he and Dave know what they want to talk about but they don’t plan out that much of what he’s going to say. Howard asked if he ever plans out something that he doesn’t tell them about. Don said that he reveals all before because he has nothing to hide.
Howard asked Don about working with Mike Douglas and Johnny Carson. Don said that Johnny was king. He said that he set up everything and he always made him look good. He said that letterman does that too. Howard asked about Jay and if he’s a shit head. Don said he gets along with everyone. He said that he just avoids anyone he doesn’t like.
Howard said what’s interesting to him is how good Don is at making his performance look effortless. Howard asked if he ever thought he’d outlive Johnny Carson. Don said he doesn’t think much about death but now that Howard brings it up he’s looking at his watch and he might have another hour left to live. Don said that he’s been married for 45 years now and it’s been great. Howard said it must be weird seeing all of these younger guys dying off. Don said that everyone goes out. Howard said that Carson smoked so maybe that did him in. Don said that you don’t have to smoke to have something wrong with you.
Howard asked Don about writing jokes. Don said he’s never put anything on paper. He said that he will only put it on paper if he’s doing a sitcom or something like that. Don said that he’s always been told to just go out and do his thing. Howard said he’s seen him do roasts and he kills. Don said that he never writes down a word. Howard asked if he sweats bullets doing that. Don said he does. He said that he gets the adrenaline going and that makes it happen for him. He said that’s what’s going to happen on Letterman tonight.
Howard said that Don is in the new Toy Story 3 movie that’s coming out in June. He’s also going to be at the Orleans in Las Vegas. He’s still out there doing his thing and people love it. Howard said he loves Don too.
Don talked about doing the voice for the Mr. Potato Head in the movie for a minute. Howard asked Don if he’s a super religious guy. Don said that he’s not all that religious but he is a Jew and he does believe in god. Howard asked if he speaks Hebrew. Don said he’s not an Israeli pilot. Howard asked if he believes that he’ll get to see Johnny and Frank Sinatra up in heaven. Don said he put in a reservation but he’s not sure if he’ll get a table.
Howard told Don that he’s very important to him and it’s great to be able to talk to him. He said he’s his hero and an amazing talent. He said he loves him. Don thanked him for that. He said his wife was the one who told him he should give him a call because he’s so nice. Howard said he didn’t think that Don would want anything to do with riff raff like him. He let don go a short time later.