Artie Returns Thanks To Klonopin. 12/08/09. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: Fred the Elephant Boy classified ad voice mail, Joe Walsh performing ”Rocky Mountain Way” live on the Howard Stern Show.
Howard started the show saying it was nice to have Artie back. Still no JD though. Artie asked what happened to JD. Howard said they had a long story about JD to tell. Howard said it might be from hanging around Artie too much. Artie said he’s had anxiety and he’s been on some meds and he was self medicating. He said that he was having insane anxiety attacks so he went to his shrink and he said he was going to have to drink if he didn’t give him something. He said that the doctor gave him something that takes 4 weeks to get into his system. He said he got this Klonopin stuff. That’s very addictive though.
Artie said that he’s going to be on something else that takes a long time to get into him. He said that he took some of the Klonopin stuff last night and he’s leveled right out.
Howard asked Artie what happened to him over the weekend. He said JD is another story. JD wasn’t able to make it to Artie’s show. Howard said Lisa G is in the loop somehow and JD is going to go see a doctor as soon as possible. Artie said he was feeling okay after he saw his shrink. He said he wants to go see the guy every day because it makes him feel better. Howard told him to go then.
Artie said that he’s been on this stuff that takes 4 weeks to work for 3 and a half weeks. He’s only going to be on this new stuff for 2 weeks at the max.
Artie said he has zero shows coming up. He said he has canceled shows and he’s not going to be doing any of the stuff in Atlantic City. Artie said he was going insane doing shows and this past weekend set him off. Howard said he heard stories about him being at the show and it wasn’t good. Artie said he was with his mother and uncles this weekend so that wasn’t happening.
Artie said he was pacing and stuff in his dressing room. He said that he used to do that at MAD TV when he was going to be in a skit he didn’t like. Artie said he had some OCD stuff going on where he had to tap his foot every 3 times he paced. He said it might not be as bad as Howie Mandel but he was getting pretty bad.
Artie said yesterday he was curled up in the fetal position and he can’t stop shaking his leg. He said he took that shit and it leveled him off. He said his girlfriend had to stand on his leg to stop it from shaking. He said that was fine after that. Artie said his girlfriend got him a Christmas tree trying to cheer him up too.
Howard said this girl must really love him to stick with him through this stuff. Artie said he’s a mess and he’s not sure why anyone tolerates this stuff. He said that the doctor told him that he could have to go away to get real intense treatment to get him better. He said that the doctor told him that going to something like a sober house might be what he has to do.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Artie to be careful with that Klonopin stuff because it’s really strong stuff. Artie said he knows that and he’s going to get off of it as soon as he can.
Howard asked Artie why he can’t just doesn’t deny himself some stuff and just not do it. Artie said he feels like he should be able to say no to himself but he just can’t. He said he feels like he needs a smack.
Howard said that he might be as whacked out as Artie is but he thinks that this has a lot to do with his relationship with his mom. He said that she creates the illusion that everything will be great as long as she can make it so. Howard said Artie has been shown that he can get what he wants and no one has ever said no to him. He said that the problem is that he feels entitled to never say no to himself or be frustrated by people or life. He said he might think that he’s entitled to take the drugs and stuff.
Artie said that another thing in his head that makes him feel he’s a mother fucker to himself is because of his father. Artie said he feels more entitled because he’s helped his mother out financially. Howard told him he can love and hate his mother at the same time. Artie said it’s hard to think of your parents as people who resent you but he feels he’s become that asshole who would say ”You’d be living in a closet without me.”
Howard told Artie he thinks he does the drugs and drinks to get away from his angry feelings he doesn’t want to confront. Artie said he agrees.
Howard said he doesn’t know what’s going on with JD but he’s having problems too. The caller interrupted and said that Artie has to do good with the Roll Call thing today. Howard said they have some controversy over that but they’ll get to that later.
Another caller said he takes a trough full of medication every day and mentioned some of the stuff he takes. Howard asked the guy what his problem is. The guy said he has ADD, severe depression, anxiety, the shaking leg and more. He said he needs to take all of that stuff like Artie. Howard said America is over medicated. He said that JD went to a walk in clinic and was given meds immediately. Artie wasn’t aware of that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the last time Artie was out he was saying it was anxiety and it sounds more like opiate withdrawals. Artie said he assures him that’s not the case. He said that he’d be on Subutex if he was… and he’s not.
Another caller said they were stuck in the vortex of Artie already and they were 20 minutes into the show. He said he liked the show without him yesterday. The guy said that it’s like Groundhog Day with this guy. Artie said that movie was funny, wasn’t it?
An Update On JD. 12/08/09. 6:20am
Howard said maybe that was enough of Artie’s story. Artie said he’ll do as he’s told. He said he’s worried about JD. Howard said that he heard that he might have been in this morning. Gary said that JD wasn’t there and Jon Hein spoke to him but no one has seen him.
Jon Hein came in and said that JD is going to the doctor today and he’s not doing good. He said he’s in really bad shape. He said he’s really worried about him.
Artie said that the most depressing story was about Billy Joel’s daughter for him. He said the desperation can be really insane. He said it’s a real thing and he knows what that can be like. Artie said he doesn’t want to be a person on pills but he’s not sure he can be like Robin and just drink the green drink and eat healthy.
Howard asked Jon what else he knew about this JD thing. Jon said that things have gotten worse for JD over the past few days and even JD isn’t sure why that is. He said he’s always had that anxiety but he’s been able to control it.
Howard said he didn’t want to get out of the house today. He said he has anxiety too but he has to go to work or all of the good stuff at home goes away. He said he fears ending up like JD and having to live in that apartment he lives in. That’s why he gets to work. Howard said he’s afraid to be anywhere near JD’s apartment and JD doesn’t like leaving that place.
Howard gave Artie some more advice about getting away from his mother. He said that he has to start decorating his own apartment and not let his mother do that kind of stuff. Artie said that’s what happened the last time.
Artie said that he has no stand-up gigs in 2010 and he’s sticking to all local stuff. Gary said that there’s a schedule on Artie’s web site. Artie said that never gets updated. Howard said that’s where he got the list from. Artie said it’s all been canceled. He said the web site is just another story. He said he still has ”Wah” t-shirts up there and he asked them to take them down like 2 years ago.
Howard Not Giving Jackie More Time On Air. 12/08/09. 6:25am
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he laughed his ass off when Howard said he couldn’t get rid of Jackie and couldn’t get Artie to show up to work. Howard said he has to do the lunch thing with Jackie soon and he knows he’s going to start in with his Jackie’s Joke Hunt Show and how he wants even more time on the air. Howard said he can’t do that though. Howard said they don’t have any money to give Jackie.
Howard read some mail he got about Jackie’s show and people want him to cut back on the amount of shows Jackie is doing. Howard said that they want them to cut back so they can pay other people to do different shows. Howard read through a bunch of emails where people asked him to cut back the hours and not give Jackie even more.
Howard said he likes Jackie’s show but he can’t give him more time. Howard said that Jackie didn’t want more time on the air when he left the show 8 years ago. He said that now he’s asking for more but that’s not going to happen.
Howard said he likes Jackie and he doesn’t want to give up his friendship with the guy. He said he knows that Jackie is going to give him about 10-15 minutes of a pitch for how great his show is doing and how he needs more time. He said that just isn’t going to happen though.
Howard said maybe they’ll have room for Jackie at some of the other channels there at SIRIUS. Howard said they just don’t have anything else for him there. Howard said that maybe Jackie can work at Out Q the gay channel.
Artie said that this show has been fun for him the past 9 years and he feels he’s actually over paid. He said that at the end he’s kind of losing it and he’s not sure what’s going on. Robin said she’s told Howard there’s something wrong with that chair because anyone who sits in it goes mental.
The caller on the line asked Howard about the History of Howard Stern that’s coming up. He asked if it’s the same team that put together the first two parts. Howard said it is the same team and they’re going to be doing some interviews with him today. The caller asked how far up this part goes to. Howard said he’s not sure when they ended that second part. Artie said he thinks they ended it around 1991 or so. Howard said they have good stuff coming up in this next part.
Howard said the tapes team they have there has turned out to be a great thing. He said that the wanted to set that up when they started there and it’s worked out very well. He said he’s looking forward to this third part to the History of Howard Stern.
Howard said he remembers speaking to people who were high up in this company about Jackie back when he was doing his negotiating. Howard said he would stick up for Jackie and say that he would work through the negotiations he used to go through. He said that at one point everything clicked and he asked himself why he was putting himself through that stuff.
Robin said she had a discussion with Howard one time and she was devastated when Howard said he wanted to keep working with Jackie. She said she told Howard that it was ridiculous that he wanted to keep going with that. Howard said he thinks that he can fix people and that’s what he wanted to do with Jackie. He said he had to grow up and realize that some things just don’t work.
Fred said he’s had run ins with Jackie too. He said that Jackie got upset with him when he blew him off for lunch one time and it was because he had something personal going on in his life and he didn’t want to deal with it. Jackie came in and goofed on him after that and it just wasn’t right.
Howard said that Tim Sabean is the guy in charge of the programming there and he’s doing a great job. He said he’s said he only has so much for Jackie and that’s what he’s going with. Howard said Jackie then calls him and asks for a meeting but what Tim says goes. He said he’s going to meet with Jackie because he’s a friend. He said the guy is very talented and a very nice guy but they can’t deal on business stuff.
Artie said that Howard appreciates making a living so much that he hates to deny anyone else. Howard said that’s true too. He said there are some people who he hates in the radio business and he could have them fired at any point but he would never do that because he doesn’t want that karma. Howard said he believes that everyone is entitled to make a living and he’s not going to do that.
The caller said he wanted to hear about the Jackie lunch tomorrow. Howard said that lunch isn’t happening until vacation so he won’t be hearing about it until next year. Howard let the guy go and did some of his Jackie impression.
Fred asked Howard why a real friend would impose on him for the radio show. Howard said he’s just assuming that Jackie wants to talk about that stuff but it’s possible that he won’t even bring it up. Fred said he could be wrong then and maybe it will be good. Howard said maybe Jackie just wants to get together and talk about their lives. Fred didn’t seem to think that was going to be the way it was going to work.
Was Roll Call Stolen By Dr. Dre, Ed Lover And Lisa G? 12/08/09. 6:40am
Howard said that they have this Roll Call bit they’ve been doing. He said that he got a letter saying that Lisa G and her team of Dr. Dre and Ed Lover actually took that bit from some Bacca Boys out in California. Howard said that this is the claim but he’s not sure if that’s true. Howard said he thought Lisa said they developed the Roll Call thing. Artie said that’s what Lisa claimed when he asked her about it.
Howard said that he had some audio of the Bacca Boys doing the morning Roll Call thing. He played that and said that there’s no way they could have done it that good. Howard played another clip of them doing their Roll Call thing and doing a Celebrity Roll Call. Howard had suggested they do a Celebrity Roll Call yesterday but the Bacca Boys did it already.
Howard said he doesn’t know anything about it. He said they’re good at what they did though. Howard said they will be doing a Celebrity Roll Call there tomorrow. They have 50 Cent coming in so they’ll have him do it. Snoop Dogg is coming in soon to so they’ll ask him to do it. Howard said the Kardashian sisters are coming in too so they may have them do it.
Howard said that Keenan Thompson is coming in today and he might be able to do the Roll Call thing too. He said he’s not sure, he might be over it.
Subway Screamer Audio Clips. 12/08/09. 6:45am
Howard said he was reading a story in the NY Times yesterday about cell phones. He said that they had a guy testifying before congress about cell phones and using phones while driving. The guy said that they had to come up with a way of disabling them so people won’t drive and use them. Howard said that cell phone companies advertise using phones in cars and they’re going to end up getting sued over that. Howard said that he knows better than to sue over something like that but someone is going to do it. Howard said that he thinks that the next big wave of lawsuits is going to be over cell phone use.
Robin said that there have been train accidents where people were texting while working and that’s another thing that could end up causing lawsuits. Artie said he hates frivolous lawsuits but that sounds believable to him.
Howard said he played a clip of a woman yelling on a subway yesterday. He said that he used to take the subway and it can be the scariest thing when someone starts doing something like that. You’re trapped in the car when that happens. He said he was always a big proponent of the Guardian Angels when they were around. He said they still have them but they may not be as big as they used to be. Robin said that if they’re as old as Curtis Sliwa then they’re in trouble. Howard said Curtis can still handle himself. He said he might be getting older but he can still handle it.
Howard said he played that tape yesterday and he wanted to refresh everyone’s memory about it. He replayed the clip and said this is anyone’s worst nightmare. The clip he played wasn’t the one he played yesterday. Gary said that he wasn’t sure where that one went. Howard said it must be gone. He eventually found it and played it. This clip is where a woman is yelling about her mother being a bitch and how she’s going to kill her.
Howard said you don’t know what to do when you have someone like that in your subway car. Robin said she sounds like a female Sam Kinison. Howard said when someone threatens to kill their mother you think that they’re going to get arrested.
Howard said he got a link to another woman on a bus in Atlanta who was doing something similar. Howard said that the visual was this woman getting up and screaming and she looks like Rosa Parks. He said that she gets up and starts yelling at this old black woman and the guys just sit and watch. Howard said that you don’t know what to do when you see that, especially when it’s a woman. Howard said that you can’t fight back with a woman. Artie said if she throws the first punch you should be able to defend yourself.
Howard said this old black lady probably told the woman to calm down but the woman just keeps yelling at her. Howard played the clip and you hear this woman just ranting and raving and even singing as she’s going off on this old woman. Howard said she’s in this lady’s face yelling all of this stuff. Howard said he feels so bad for the old lady. Howard said she’s talking but they have to give you subtitles on the video.
Howard said this stuff reminds him of going to school in Roosevelt, Long Island. He said that he was like that kid Waldo in the Van Halen ”Hot for Teacher” video when he’d go to school.
Howard played more of the tape and this guy tells this woman to calm down and she starts to go off on him. Howard said that guy ends up pulling her hair and pulls her wig off. She then threatens to sue that guy. The whole group of people starts going nuts when her hair is pulled out. The screaming woman has to go find all of her missing hair after that. She says that she’s going to press charges and she repeats that about 10 times.
Tiger Woods Insanity Continues. 12/08/09. 7:00am
Howard said they’re saying that Tiger Woods’ wife has gone off to Sweden. He said that she and her sister have purchased a house over there. Gary said that things are getting even crazier. They say that a woman was taken from Tiger’s house this morning on advanced life support. Howard wanted to read that one because Gary wasn’t making any sense.
Howard said that Gary had food in his mouth and he was trying to read at the same time. Howard said that everyone can tell when he has food in his mouth. Gary gave Howard and Robin some ”fuck yous” and told Artie ”Good morning.” Howard did an impression of Gary talking with food in his mouth as Fred was playing some Baba Booey song parodies.
Howard said that he didn’t understand a word Gary said. He went on to read the news report that Gary was reading and they say that someone was taken from Tiger’s house at 2 in the morning and they were taken out on life support on a stretcher. Howard said they took her to a hospital and a black SUV showed up at the hospital a few minutes later. They’re also saying that when Tiger went to the hospital he was taken in under the name William Smith and he may have been on some kind of pills and they had to give him a breathing tube.
Howard said it appears that Tiger didn’t have so much discression about what women he was sleeping with. He said that’s understandable though because it’s all about the sex. He said that a woman doesn’t have to be good looking to keep a man. They just have to be good in bed. Howard said he knows that Robin knows how to make a man happy based on what he read in her book.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Chuck Zito’s show is awesome. He said that they’re missing the boat not giving him more time on the air. Howard said he probably has clips to play unless JD was too messed up to pull anything. Howard had to go to break after that.
Janine Lindemulder Calls In. 12/08/09. 7:15am
After the break Howard came right back and had Janine Lindemulder on the phone. Howard said the last time they spoke to her she was on her way to prison. Janine had to leave her daughter behind and she left her with her ex-husband, Jesse James. Jesse is now with Sandra Bullock and while Janine was in jail they felt that the daughter was better off with them than Janine.
Janine aid that wasn’t quite true. She said that when she had Sunny Jesse had nothing to do with her for 3 years. Janine said that she wanted Jesse to be part of the parenting but they didn’t come around for a few years. Janine said that they all seemed to be on the same page. She said that she doesn’t have a problem with Sandra and Jesse being involved in her daughters life. She said that she went off to jail for tax evasion and she said that it wasn’t a willful thing that she did. She said that she didn’t understand that she didn’t have time to pay it off and that’s why she ended up getting into trouble.
Janine said she was put in a halfway house after she did some time in prison and she met a guy. Janine said that guy spent time in prison for having guns. He was in there for 5 years. She said she met him in the halfway house. Howard said that Janine married that guy. Janine said that she had to explain why she did that. She said that when she got to the halfway house they have a co-ed setting there and there are guys there who were in prison for 25 years. She said that when guys see her in there after seeing her in magazines and porn movies, it’s a little crazy for them. Janine said it was kind of overwhelming for her at that point. She said that Jeremy came home that day and made a beeline for her and they’ve been together ever since. Janine said that he protected her and guys started leaving her alone.
Howard said it sounds a little crazy being in a halfway house. He asked if the other girls in there looked like her. Janine said that some of them were very good looking. Howard said some of the guys in there might need the address for that place. Janine said that they’re only allowed to talk to other people in the house.
Howard said Janine met this guy and she married him within 25 days. Howard said the guy is a felon and Janine was charged with a misdemeanor. Howard said that because of that, she may end up going back to jail. She’s not supposed to be hanging around with felons.
Howard asked Janine why she would take a risk like that if she’s trying to get her daughter back. Janine said that she wishes she had an intelligent answer but she doesn’t. She said that there’s a lot of confusion going on when this is all happening. Howard said that for her case she should be thinking about this kind of stuff.
Robin asked Janine if she would give her daughter to her if she was hearing this story. Janine said she knows it’s crazy but she’s a good mother. Robin said that’s not what the case is about though. Robin and Howard said that maybe she should have waited to do all of this stuff. Janine said she knows that and she agreed with them but she fell in love with this guy and she can’t help that.
Howard said that Sandra Bullock has had a great year with her movies and stuff so that’s going to make her look even better. Janine said that things are kind of chaotic for her right now. She said that she was awarded Christmas day and eve with her daughter so she’ll be good to go with that. She said that she’s going to be going back in front of the judge in February and they’re going to work things out. She said that they’re working through this rough spot and she knows she jumped the gun on all of this. Janine said that she sees how it created some friction with the new husband.
Robin told Janine she has no idea who this guy is after knowing him for just 25 days. Janine said that they did have a lot of time to talk in the halfway house. Robin said that’s not in the real world though. Howard said it is going to be tough. Janine said that you can’t expect to put men and women together and expect nothing to happen. Howard said she’s going to have to fight Sandra with the custody thing. Janine said that Sandra is actually staying out of the custody case. She said that it’s all about Jesse.
Janine said that this is the eye of the storm and things will get back to normal eventually. She wants to move closer to Jesse so she can see her daughter.
Howard asked if she got it on with any women in jail. she said she didn’t want to risk it. She said if she were to get caught she might get more jail time. Robin said that she was able to control herself there but not in the halfway house.
Howard said there were rumors that Janine was with a hot red head in there. Janine said that the woman did tell her she wanted to be in a threesome with her. Janine said that she asked to take her into the chapel there at the prison to do the threesome. Janine said that didn’t happen.
Howard said Janine’s ex-husband seems like a really nice guy. Janine said that she knows that side but she’s gotten on his bad side and that’s a much different story. She said that she’s not going to lose custody to him and she thinks that all of this is getting blown out of proportion. She said that the allegations are that she’s prostitute and she’s walking around with needles in her arms. She said that’s just not the case. She said that the allegations are absurd and heresy. She said that Sandra has never even met her.
Howard asked Janine who is hotter, her or Sandra. Janine said she’s not sure about that. Howard asked if the judge is going to ask them to wear bikinis to court. Janine said you never know.
Howard asked what this StreamMate.com web site is. Janine said she’s actually on it right now. Howard saw her on the monitor and said that she’s looking very different. Janine said that she’s live and she does shows and flashes some stuff and shows some booty. Howard asked her to show him something. She showed her boobs. Robin said that’s the one thing she didn’t tattoo. Howard said she looks like she’s dressed even when her clothes are off.
Howard asked Janine where she was at. She said she wasn’t in the halfway house because she got kicked out of there. She said she’s actually renting a home in Hollywood. She said that she’ll be there until next week until the judge lets her know what’s going on. She said that she’s trying to earn a little cash to pay her way.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he’s been in halfway houses before and he knows that you’re in there with con men and stuff. He said he thinks that she’s been conned by this guy she’s married. Howard said that it would have been better if she had waited to marry him until after the custody case.
Janine said she knows it sounds crazy but she wishes that they had been there to see it evolve. Janine said that it will reveal itself. The caller went off on Janine about what she did and how she doesn’t have the actions that the judge is going to be looking for. He said she has no chance in hell of getting custody of her kid.
Janine said that she fell in love with the guy in the halfway house and she couldn’t do anything about that. The caller said she could have waited though. Howard said that’s true.
Another caller said that it’s about playing by the rules and she’s just not doing that. Howard said that she has to show that she can take control of her life. Howard said that this is what she’s going to be up against. Janine said she knows that. She said she wasn’t thinking straight when she fell in love. She said that you can feel lonely and lost in the halfway house but she’ll explain all of that to the judge.
Janine told Howard that she isn’t supposed to have any contact with her husband right now. She has to wait for the green light to go see him. She said that she’s not supposed to be doing any interviews either. She said that’s kind of a grey area with her right now.
A caller asked about the custody battle and what’s going on with that. Howard explained to him what was going on with that and how Janine wants custody of her daughter that her ex-husband is trying to get full custody of. Howard took another call from a guy who said that this is boring to the listeners. He said that they’ve had a long enough conversation with her.
Howard wrapped up with Janine a short time later. He said that Janine is a beautiful woman who is streaming live on StreamMate.com. He said she’s involved in this case with her ex-husband and Sandra Bullock. Howard said that maybe things will work out with them. Janine said she thinks that in the long run it will be okay.
Janine got in some more plugs and said she’ll be hanging out at home for a while. She said that she’ll be doing her thing at JanineLive.CamModels.com.
Howard asked Janine what kind of stuff she’ll do on cam. She said that she’ll stick a finger up her ass and things like that. She’ll talk dirty to guys too. Howard said he wanted to see her stick her finger in her ass now. She went right ahead and did that for him so he could see it live on cam. The finger went right in. Janine said it was a little bit dry but it did go right in.
Howard said he would go with Janine if he were the judge. He said she seems like a lot of fun. Howard gave her some advice and told her to wash her hands. Howard said that Janine is a great girl and he wishes her the best. He said he hopes that they work things out because they both seem like good people. He let her go a short time later. Artie asked her to shove her fist in her ass as she was hanging up but it was too late. They had to take a break after that.
Kim And Khloe Kardashian Visit. 12/08/09. 7:55am
After the break we heard Artie singing Pink Floyd’s ”Mother.” Fred also played a ”His Name is Artie” song parody and Soundgarden’s ”Black Hole Sun” as they were coming back.
(Throughout most of this write up I refer to Kim and Khloe as ”the girls” because their voices sounded the same and Howard never referred to them by name so I had no clue who was talking.) Howard came back and said that they have Kim and Khloe Kardashian coming in. Howard said that he love the song Fred was playing. The girls came in and said they love Howard singing along to it. Howard asked the girls what it’s like to get on the air and become a reality show start. He also asked what they thought about the couple that got into the White House. The girls talked about how great they’ve had it with their reality show on E!. They said that there are 10 of them in their family and their mom met up with Ryan Seacrest who came up with the show idea.
Howard asked Kim about her sex tape and she was saying that no one is happy when something like that comes out. Howard also asked about their late father Robert Kardashian who was involved with the OJ Simpson case. They actually knew the Simpsons before the OJ case.
The girls talked about how they used to have the meetings with OJ at their house so they were involved in it all. They said that their father really believed in OJ while the case was going on. They said that they heard stories about him all the time and they didn’t know what to believe. Howard said it must have been tough because they were caught in the middle of it all.
The girls said that they were all shocked at the outcome of the case. They were saying that they think that OJ and their dad had a falling out after the case was over because they never really saw OJ again.
Howard asked if their mom left their dad or did their dad leave their mom. They said they think that their mom left their dad. Howard said they must have felt bad for their dad. Then their mother ran off with Bruce Jenner just 5 months after they broke up.
Howard said that the girls have talked about Bruce Jenner’s plastic surgery before and it’s pretty startling. Howard said that he was one of the best looking guys in the world and he really went nuts with that. The girls were talking about his nose being done and how he was talked into doing it. The girls said that the guy talked him into doing some other stuff and that’s why he kept going with it.
The girls said they’ve known Bruce since they were very young and they love him. The girls said that they have respect for Bruce and he’s really a great guy. They said that he’s never tired to force himself on them as their dad or anything like that.
Howard said Bruce does have a good way of staying out of things on the show. The girls said Bruce isn’t jealous of their love of their dad or anything like that.
Howard talked to the girls about the kind of guys they dated and the schools they went to. Howard found out that one of the girls dated some black guys. One of the girls has had both.
Howard said Kim seems sexual to him but she doesn’t like to talk about that kind of stuff. Howard said that Kim’s boobs are huge too. Kim said that they’re a D-cup. She said that she would pray for them not to be so big. She said that her sister used to make fun of her for having the biggest boobs and biggest nipples. She said that the nipples aren’t even that big.
Howard asked the girls about Paris Hilton and if she’s happy with their success. He said that Paris is jealous of them. Howard said that she must be upset that they got so famous with their show. Kim said that she heard that Paris went on a radio show and said her ass looks like it had cottage cheese in it so she had to confront her over that.
Howard asked the girls what kind of money they charge to show up to a party. They told Howard that heir rate would be about $40,000. Howard asked if Paris gets that kind of money. They said that some people can get upwards of $100,000. Howard said that he’s heard Paris makes really good money to just show up at clubs and bring her friends. Howard said that it sounds like a great deal to get 40 grand for showing up to a party.
The girls said that they will show up and just hang out. One of the girls doesn’t dance, she just gets up and shows her ass.
Howard said it seems that Kim gets more attention than Khloe does and Khloe gets upset about that. Robin said the funniest episode was when one of the girls made a deal to make a fragrance and the other sister got upset about it.
Howard asked Khloe about her husband, Lamar Odom, who plays for the Lakers. Howard said that the guy is a black guy and he’s like 6’9” tall. Howard said he must have a huge penis. Khloe said that his penis is amazing. She said she can handle it too. Howard asked how big it was and spread his hands out and told her to show how big it was. She said that the size Howard was showing was the size of a horse.
Howard asked Khloe how she met this guy. She told Howard she was at a party and she met him there. Howard asked if she slept with him that night. She said she waited and got married 30 days from the day they met. She said that she met this guy and you know that you’re going to fuck them. She said that she had a chemistry with him.
Howard asked Khloe how old she is. She’s 25. Robin said there were rumors that it wasn’t a real wedding. She said that wasn’t true. She said there were a lot of rumors about it and they weren’t true.
Howard asked when she saw his penis for the first time. She said it was about day 4. Howard asked about seeing his schlong and if she gasped. She said that she didn’t gasp. She said that she’s used to black guy penis.
Howard asked if she has met his family. She said she has. Howard asked if the family is okay with the whole thing. She said that his family wasn’t too happy with it so they have had to cut them off.
Howard read about what Khloe is supposed to get based on their pre-nup. Howard read some of that stuff and Khloe said that it was all fake.
The girls said that they don’t need anyone else’s money. They’re very well off and they own their own businesses so they’re doing just fine. Khloe said that they’re not stupid and they’re both bringing money to the marriage.
Howard said that Kim is banging Reggie Bush from what he read. She confirmed that but didn’t want to talk about his penis size. She said she doesn’t talk about that kind of stuff.
Howard asked Kim if she’s going to marry this guy. She said she likes to take her time with that kind of stuff. She was married at 19 for a few years so she’s going to take her time from now on. Howard said that Eminem bad mouthed Kim on his latest album. Howard read the lyrics from one of his songs and he said that she’s a man. Kim said that he talks shit about everyone so she wasn’t upset about it.
Howard read about some of the guys that the girls have dated over the years. They’ve dated a few famous guys so he went through all of that with them.
Howard said that ”Keeping up with the Kardashians” season premiere is this Sunday night on E!. He gave them some plugs for that and asked about a DUI that one of the girls had. Khloe told Howard about how she was much more wasted than she thought she was. She said she was a .09 and she ran a red light. She said she went to jail for that. She was in jail for 19 hours and she was the only woman in there who was in for DUI. The rest of the women were in there for prostitution.
Howard asked Khloe if she does drugs or anything. Both of them said that they’ve never gotten into drugs but they do drink. Khloe said she’s seen such negative effects from the drug thing that she just never wanted to do it.
Artie said that they’re dating some of the most amazing sports guys out there now so that’s pretty impressive. Howard gave the girls some more plugs for their TV show and some diet products they have out. They’re available in GNC stores around the country. The girls talked about losing some weight on this stuff. They said it works really well at helping you lose weight.
Howard was embarrassing Kim by asking her about how many times she makes doody. She wasn’t liking that line of questioning. Khloe said that Kim leaves a horrible stench when she’s done so she must be making some big ones. Kin said that she’s making all of that up, they don’t even live together.
Kim said that Khloe used to love one guy so much that she would sit on her boyfriend’s lap while he went to the bathroom. Khloe said that’s not true. Howard talked about how he has never seen his wife go to the bathroom. He said that’s the way it should be.
Howard asked the girls if they would ever double team a guy. They said they would never do that. Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Khloe was on the last season of Celebrity Apprentice and had to get kicked off because she had to do community service. Khloe said they knew about that before she got on the show and she wasn’t given a chance on the show. She said she got kicked off probably because she was boring.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he’d pay Howard to show up to a party for 50 grand but not these girls. The girls said that they’re just going to parties that they’re asked to go to.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that they need to get the girls on the Sybian. Howard asked if they ever masturbate with a vibrator. Kim didn’t answer. Khloe said of course she does. Kim wasn’t talking. Howard asked Khloe what Kim uses. Kim wasn’t comfortable with the whole thing. Khloe said she likes to fuck with Kim because she gets so uncomfortable. Kim said she doesn’t ever talk about stuff like this.
Howard asked Khloe if she would date a guy who was as light as President Obama. Khloe said he’s very handsome. Kim said that Khloe would never date someone that light. She said that he’d have to be darker. Khloe said she loves Denzel Washington and he’s perfect.
Howard asked Kim if she thinks about black men when she’s masturbating. She said she doesn’t. Howard asked if they ever bought black porn. Khloe said she’s never bought porn. Howard said maybe Kim did. He gave them some more plugs and said he likes these girls. They wanted to corn row his hair for him. Artie said he would do black face to date one of these broads. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Saturday Night Live’s Keenan Thompson Visits. 12/08/09. 9:00am
After the break we heard a prank call Sal made to a couple of black chicks trying to have jungle fever phone sex. Fred also played some White Stripes ”Seven Nation Army” as they were coming back.
Howard came back and had Keenan Thompson from Saturday Night Live come in. Howard said he used to see him on Felicity and Robin remembered him from Nickelodeon.
Howard said Keenan is one funny dude. Howard said he was running late from having the Kardashians on the show. Keenan seemed to be okay with that since they were so into black guys. Howard said it’s a good time for black guys right now with Obama and the Kardashians being into black guys.
Howard said he heard that they had to cancel a Tiger Woods sketch they did over the weekend. Keenan said they did the sketch so he’s not sure about it being canceled. There were some women’s groups who were upset about it though. Gary said that they were upset because Rihanna was on the show.
Keenan said he got into trouble for joking about the Chris Brown and Rihanna thing one other time. Howard said he heard about that and he was saying that they would have Chris Brown on SNL because they’re about getting ratings. Keenan said that Chris is back on MTV now so he’s not sure that there’s any kind of ban going on now.
Howard asked Keenan if he ever got hit by Chris Brown when he met him. Keenan said that he is a tall guy abut he didn’t try to hit him or anything.
Howard said that Keenan seems to look heavier on TV than he does in person. Keenan said that he’s lost a few pounds lately. He said he wouldn’t have been able to pull off playing Tiger if he wasn’t as thin as he is now. Howard said he heard he lost out on playing Obama on the show because he was too big. He said that was probably the case.
Howard said he heard that one of the SNL cast members lost her job because she gained like 30 pounds. Keenan said that he’s not sure it was because of the weight but things didn’t work out for her so she’s gone now.
Howard asked Keenan about how he got the job on SNL if he doesn’t do stand up comedy. Keenan said he just did a bunch of impressions and stuff for his audition. He said that he didn’t know what to do at the time but he threw it together and got it.
Howard asked how Keenan got the attention of Lorne Michaels. He said that he sent him a bunch of tapes and stuff and his kids saw him on Nickelodeon. He said he did some jobs in between being on Nickelodeon like that Felicity show.
Keenan said that he’s 31 now and he’s been acting since he was like 15. He said that’s how old he was on Nickelodeon. He said he had a show called the Keenan and Kel show and another one on there. Keenan said that he went to school in the hood and no one cared that he was on TV as a kid. He said he was stalked by one guy at school who wanted to beat him up.
Howard asked if he got laid a lot. Keenan said he didn’t lose his virginity until he was 17. Howard asked if he has a girlfriend now. Keenan said that he does. He talked about her a little bit and said she’s white. He said that he hasn’t met the Italian side of her family yet and that’s what he’s afraid of.
Howard asked Keenan how his audition went for SNL. He explained to Howard how he had to go up on stage at a comedy club to do that. He said that it was in front of Lorne Michaels and Tina Fey among other people. He said he did 5 minutes of people like Schwarzenegger, Al Sharpton, Bill Cosby and more. He said that he was terrified doing that.
Howard said he heard that Keenan played Fat Albert in the Fat Albert movie. Keenan said that Cosby told him some stuff before he did that movie and what people don’t know is that the guy is a pervert. He said that he was doing the movie and it was just him and Bill Cosby. Bill didn’t like the script so he wanted to go rewrite it. He said they sat in his bedroom with a writer and talked about everything except the script. He said that Bill told him that he was going to have to get 2 dicks because he would have women all over him after the movie came out. Keenan said that was coming from Dr. Huxtable.
Howard asked Keenan if he has made friends with any of the old SNL people. Keenan said that he goes back and studies some of the past shows. He said that they have to come up with new ideas and they want to make sure they’re not repeating any of the old stuff. Howard asked if he writes stuff for himself. He said that’s what you have to do to get on the air. He said that he has a lot of premise ideas but he needs help writing the bits.
Howard asked if any of the cast members feel they have to come and welcome him to the show. He said that Dan Aykroyd comes around a lot and he’s really cool. He said he talked to Dennis Miller the other day and he’s very cool too. Howard asked if David Spade ever talks to him. He said he ran into him one night and that guy gets a lot of poon. Howard said he was on the phone with him this weekend and he had to run to get some pussy.
Robin asked Keenan if he’s met Eddie Murphy. Keenan said he hasn’t but he’s heard some run in stories with him before and he doesn’t want to ruin his childhood by having a meeting go wrong. Howard said that Eddie is tough to interview but he’s been very nice to him when he’s met him.
Howard asked Keenan if he gets upset when they have a guest who doesn’t put effort into their sketches. Keenan said that there are some people they have to do that for and it is kind of a bummer. He said that there are some people who aren’t into it so it is kind of tough. He said that Paris Hilton might be someone like that.
Howard asked if Keenan has to read a lot of newspapers for the job. Keenan said that they really do. Howard asked if he has time for his girlfriend. He said he doesn’t get a lot of sleep with the girlfriend but he likes the work. He said he loves the gig and he may never see anything like it again. He said he hopes to be able to do a couple more years there. He’s been on there for 7 years already. Howard had no idea it had been that long. He said he just recently became aware of Keenan on the show. He said that he kept stopping and watching his stuff because it was good.
Howard said he read that Keenan is dating a girl from MTV who does the news over there. Keenan said that he met her at a club there in New York City and they kind of fell in love pretty quick. Howard started to wrap up with Keenan and Artie wished him luck meeting the girlfriend’s Italian father.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Keenan has been working since he was 15 and he seems to be doing very well for a 31 year old. Keenan said that he did his first play when he was like 5 years old. He said his mother enrolled him into some stuff he wanted to do and he never resented it.
The caller asked if any of the women who have hosted have given him a stiffie. Keenan said that he was attracted to Megan Fox. The caller said that Taylor Swift was good on the show. Keenan said she was good and she’s a pretty girl too.
Another caller asked if it was true that Keenan ate his co-star Kel from his Nickelodeon show. Keenan thanked the guy for making him feel better about himself this morning.
A woman called in and said that she and her family were singing one of the songs that he does on SNL called ”What up with That.” She said that he’s great on the show. They had to go to break a short time later.
An Update From JD. 12/08/09. 9:30am
After the break we heard the infamous ”I see OJ” prank call to ABC news during the OJ Simpson chase. Fred also played John Lennon’s ”Watching the Wheels” as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said that JD was going to give them an update. He was in the studio and said that overnight he got no sleep and he was tossing and turning and had stomach issues. He said he took a number 2 but still felt nauseous. He said he went to get some Pepto bismol and still feels something is going on. He said he’s not sure if it’s because he’s going to the doctor or what. He said he’s still taking half a Zoloft. That’s what the doctor gave him from the clinic he went to. He said he figured he’d try it out.
Howard wondered why everyone there is so messed up. JD said he’s not sure why. Howard said that JD was the last one he expected to snap. JD said he knows that. He said he’s not having a mental breakdown, he’s just not able to sleep and stuff. Fred played David Bowie’s ”Under Pressure” in the background as they were talking about that.
Howard asked JD why he has to worry about not sleeping. He said he could just think about how he can sleep the next day or the day after that.
Howard said that he’s not sure where his mom and dad are but he seems to have been raised by wolves. Howard told JD he has no reason to be nervous. He said he’s now nervous about getting to sleep. Howard told him to just close his eyes and lay there when he goes to bed. JD said that’s what he does. Howard told him he wasn’t finished. He said that even if you just lay there and rest, you’re getting some rest. He said you will walk around exhausted all day but then you might go home and not sleep again. He said that he has to just lay there and rest. Then go to work again. He said that maybe day 3 will come around and he’ll go to bed and maybe he’ll sleep. He said he should sleep like a log by then. He said if he doesn’t fall asleep, who gives a fuck.
Robin said she was an insomniac for a while and she still made it to work. She said she never did fall asleep like Howard just told JD.
Howard said that he goes to a psychiatrist 3 times a week. He said that’s probably what JD has to do. Artie said he might start going every day. He’s being honest about that. Artie said he’d even help JD out if he doesn’t have the money.
Howard said that people like to be led and he has the answers that JD is looking for. JD said he tried to lay and rest so he got worried about that. Howard told him to just lay there with his eyes closed and rest. He said that’s all he has to do.
Howard asked JD what he’s going to do if he’s not falling asleep tonight. JD didn’t know what to do. Howard told him to try jerking off. JD said he hadn’t tried that yet. Howard said that’s what he needs to do. He said that JD is a young man so he has to jerk off to get that stuff out of his system. Howard told him to do it over in Fred’s area right now. JD said he had to get going.
Howard told JD he has his support but only to a point. He said that he has to go to the doctor and find out what kind of meds to go on. He said if he can’t fall asleep he still has to come to work. Work is everything and that’s the most important thing to do.
Howard said that JD eats that shit McDonald’s stuff every day and he has to stop with that too. He said he’s trying to help him straighten out. He said that he might have a medical problem. Howard said that maybe they’ll put him on some medication and get him fixed. Howard said he’d be afraid to be in his house if he were JD. Howard said he can’t believe that he likes being in that house. Howard said he works to make sure he doesn’t end up in a place like that.
Howard told JD he loves him. He said he wants him at work tomorrow and he wants to work on new hours. He said that he wants to figure out a comfortable schedule for him. He gave him some more advice on wheat he wants him to do tonight if he can’t fall asleep. He said he should just lay there and rest and think about whatever comes to mind.
JD said he had to get going. He was running late for his appointment. Howard told him that he’d leave work right now to go with him if he wanted. JD said he didn’t have to do that and he had more important things to do there.
JD left and Howard said he’s really worried about him. He said he looked like a mess today. Howard said that’s part of his look all the time but today he’s looking like a real mess. Howard said JD is going to go get some help right now from the doctor.
Howard said that they have to move on to the news next. He said that he thought Fred was the most mental there but he’s obviously not. Fred said he had a very unstable upbringing but he found stability from that.
Howard 100 News And Wrap Up Show Previews. 12/08/09. 9:50am
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said that they have an update about John Stamos being the subject of an alleged extortion plot. A couple in Michigan were arrested over the plot last week. Howard said he heard about that from John after the interview last week. He said he wanted him to talk about that in there interview but John said he wasn’t allowed to talk about it.
Steve said that Lisa G also confirmed that they did get their Roll Call thing from the Bacca Boys. They say that Dr. Dre and Ed Lover also confirm that they got it from them. Howard asked if anyone wanted to do the Roll Call thing today. No one did. They said they might do it tomorrow morning at 7:20.
Steve said that Captain Janks is going to be stating his case over with a public defender since he no longer has an attorney.
Steve also said that they checked with the French restaurant that Robin went to where they had no vegetables to eat. They haven’t gotten a call back from them and it appears Robin was correct. Howard asked Steve how he makes calls like that. He can’t imagine what that must be like.
Steve mentioned that Jackie’s show is on tonight and that led to the guys goofing on the way Jackie names his show and how it always has something to do with ”cunt.” They did their impressions of Jackie for a short time.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview and ran down the list of stuff they were going to discuss today. They ended up discussing JD’s problems for a short time. Howard said he has had the problems JD has had and he knows what it can be like. He said he will fall asleep eventually and he’s too anxious about falling asleep right now.
Howard took a call from a therapist who said that he was wrong and he wasn’t giving JD good advice. She said that he may have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) from his train ride incident. Howard said that no one had more trauma in their life than him. He said he just goes on with his day. The caller said that she thinks that Howard is different and not everyone can deal with stuff like he does. She said that JD has anxiety and it’s taking over his life right now. Howard said they’ll have to wait to see what the doctor says.
The caller asked if he’s going to a professional. Howard said he thinks that he’s going to a walk in clinic in India.
Beth Talks To A Dog Psychic. 12/08/09. 10:00am
Howard said Beth was talking to a dog whisperer last night. He said that he got kicked out of the room because she knows how he feels about that. He said that he was in the room for 3 seconds before she waved her hand at him to get out of the room. Howard said the only one talking in the room was Beth when he walked out. Howard said that he heard her talking to this person and she didn’t shut up. She said she had to ask questions. Howard said that’s how these psychics put it all together and trick you into thinking they know what they’re talking about.
Howard said the dog has opinions on things like liking being out on Long Island better than in the city. He said the dog also likes him. He said that he dog is against the troops being in Afghanistan. Howard said that she also likes the dark haired guy from the Twilight movies. Howard said he’s not going to be influenced by the dog psychic. Howard said the psychic said the dog doesn’t like that the bottom step doesn’t have carpet on it. Howard said he’s not going to change that based on what the psychic said.
Howard said he thinks this was just a one shot deal and Beth won’t be seeing the dog psychic again. Howard said Beth told him not to talk about this on the air but he warned her that there was no way he couldn’t. He said she knows it’s kind of goofy too.
Howard said he told the dog to bark once if she really didn’t like the carpet thing. He said the dog didn’t make a sound.
Ralph called in and told Howard he has to put a stop to this. He said this is out of hand. Ralph was laughing and said he should cut off the phone service in the house.
Another caller said that he did a pet psychic thing and he thought it worked. Howard said the guy is nuts. The caller said that he had a dog for 12 years and the one dog was sick. He said the psychic asked the dog what it wanted to say and the psychic found out a name that they didn’t know. The guy also said that the psychic asked his other dog what it wanted to say about itself and knew that it was a show dog and cost a lot of money.
Howard said that their psychic told them that Bianca put the wiggle in her walk to get out of doing shows. Howard said that’s just funny.
Howard had his dog on the phone. It was the guys in the back playing barking sounds. Howard had the dog barking answers for him for a short time. The dog wants Beth to stop calling the psychic.
Howard said he got an invite to what he thought was Robert Schimmel’s daughter’s wedding. It turns out it was just something showing where she was registered. Howard said it was a whole formal thing too. He said that was kind of odd.
Robin’s News. 12/08/09. 10:10am
Howard played Robin in with a song about her ”Big Brown Boobs” by Little Mikey. Howard said tomorrow they’re going to be doing Celebrity Roll Call with 50 Cent.
Robin said that they’re talking about covering football games in 3D. Howard said that would be too much. Robin said that they’re going to be trying it out with some games. They’re going to be showing some of the Dallas Cowboys’ game in 3D this weekend.
Robin read some news about Derek Jeter and how he gets some food from this place Dinos. Derek called in his own order one day and this woman begged the delivery man to take her with him to his apartment. She showed up to the apartment and told her she can’t do anything. When they got there she ran up to the doorman and he refused to let her through. The doorman took the food to Jeter on his own and she never got to see him. Howard said if he were Jeter he’d be pissed that the doorman didn’t let her up. The guys tried to figure out who would have reported that story. They were thinking that the doorman may have done that.
Robin read that Hulk Hogan is engaged to his girlfriend of 2 years. Howard wondered what the rush was. He said that he just got the divorce recently. Artie said he met that chick and she’s beautiful. He agrees that he should wait though.
Robin read that it’s the last week for Diane Sawyer being on Good Morning America. Howard said he hasn’t seen her at all on that show. He said he won’t miss her at all. Howard wondered if that show’s ratings were affected by Jay Leno’s show. Jon said that they still win in the morning but they’re not winning by as much as they used to. He said that the Leno Show might be affecting it.
Robin read some news about Tiger Woods and how there are even more women coming out of the woodwork saying that they slept with him. She said that they’re also saying that he may have been admitted to the hospital after an overdose the day he crashed his truck into a tree. She had some more details about that and how he may have been under the influence of something when he crashed his truck.
Robin said that there’s also a story about a woman being wheeled out of Tiger’s house on a stretcher this morning. Robin said that wasn’t the wife because the wife has moved out. Howard said they have pictures of that in the paper but you can’t tell who it is.
Robin read that Sarah Palin’s popularity is growing. Howard asked how that could possibly be. Robin said that she’s got a 46 percent approval rating now. She only had a 39 percent rating over the summer when she resigned as Governor of Alaska. She’s out promoting a book now so that might be helping.
Robin read about a guy who tried to hit Palin with a couple of tomatoes. The guy hit a cop in the face with one instead and he was arrested for disorderly conduct and assault.
Robin asked Howard when he had sex talks with his daughters. Howard said he never really has. He said they had that with their mother. He said they were all different. Howard said they don’t just sit down and talk things out. They’d just come up and they’d discuss them. Howard said at some ages you don’t know what to tell them. He said that he told the kids at 13 that babies come from broken condoms.
Robin read that many kids don’t get the talk until after they’re sexually active. Howard said his ex-wife was good with that kind of stuff. Howard said you don’t know and it’s all very confusing when to tell the kids about that stuff. He said they never talked about masturbation either. He said that would never happen and it’s bordering on inappropriate. He said that’s only for the air. Howard said that his kids were more worried that they’d inherit his nose, not about sex. He said so far they’ve been very lucky and didn’t get that nose.
Robin read more about the sex discussion news and gave some of the suggestions they have for people. Howard said that his parents never told him anything. Gary came in and said that when Jackson was in 5th grad they showed a film to the kids and they suggest talking to the kids. He said he tried but the kid clammed up. Gary said that they gave him a comic book and he never looked at it. He said the pediatrician told him that the kid will talk to him when he wants to talk about it. Gary said that they watch TV shows that have a ton of sexual references in them and it’s embarrassing to watch with the kids. He said that he’ll just let it pass and pretend it didn’t happen when they have sex scenes on shows they’re watching.
Gary said that they were watching a movie in The Godfather where a woman takes her top off. He said he stayed silent and didn’t talk about it with the kids. Howard said he knows what he means. His father never talked about that kind of stuff.
Gary said his mother thought he was having sex when he was in school and they tried to have the sex talk. He said his father asked if he knew everything. Gary said he did and his father just dropped it.
Artie said his father came home from work one day when he was like 13 and asked about the masturbation thing. He said he must have known. He said his father told him he had to start doing that stuff with a girl eventually and told him to come to him if he ever had any questions. Artie said he was eating at the time and may have had a mouth full of salad while he was telling him this stuff.
Robin read that there’s going to be a new Dracula movie. She read the details of that to Howard and said they’re going to have Brad Pitt as a producer. Howard said he’d like to see that. He said it sounded like a good idea. Howard talked about how great Brad Pitt was in ”Interview with the Vampire.” He also did a Dracula impression for a short time.
Robin read that some people getting brain scans may have had a massive overdose of radiation in a CT scan. She said that people are at a greater risk of cancer now because of that. The FDA reported this and said that they may have had a couple hundred cases of over exposure. Howard said he doesn’t like that and he may ask about skipping the chest x-rays he gets yearly. Robin said he’ll start coughing the first time he skips it.
Robin read that a study was done that found that rats in a social environment have less chance of getting cancer. They say that loneliness can lead to health problems.
Robin read a story about a guy who infected his wife with HIV with his own blood. He pricked his wife with a sewing needle with his blood on it to infect her and it worked. He was trying to get her to have sex with him again so he figured he’d infect her.
Robin read that military families are experiencing more stress than their peers. She had some audio of a woman talking about the research that they had done for that study.
Robin had some audio of Senate Majority Leader Harry Reed talking about how the people who are against public health care are the same kind of people who were against ending slavery. Howard said that was kind of a weird comparison. He said it’s hardly the same thing.
Robin read some news about same sex marriage in New Jersey. She said that they cleared a bill that would allow it and some people are upset about it and asking questions about it. She had some audio of one guy from a Synagogue asking if they were going to be charged with hate crimes even though they’re not against it because of hate. Howard said he should just let it go. He said he hates hearing Jews complaining about stuff like that when they’ve had so many problems themselves. That led to Fred playing Gilbert Gottfried singing some Yiddish stuff.
Robin had Howard play some new music from Sade. Howard played that and Artie said he digs that chick. Howard said he does too. Artie said it’s very soothing.
Robin read through some movie news and had some audio of Matt Damon talking about working with Clint Eastwood. She also had some Mark Wahlberg audio where he talks about his work in ”The Lovely Bones.” Howard said Beth saw the movie and she loved it. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:45am.
— Wrap Up Show Wrap Up —
Wrap Up Show – The Kardashians. 12/08/09. 10:55am
Jon and Gary started the show talking about the Kardashian sisters. Jon asked Gary what he expected and what actually happened. Gary said that he expected not to like them. He said they were more likeable than he expected. He said they were more human than he thought they would be. Gary said that they weren’t like Paris Hilton seems she would be. Gary said they are children of privilege but they don’t’ rub it in your face and he thought they were ”pretty ok.”
Jon said he thought they looked good to him. He said Kim was particularly striking. Gary said he’s not sure Howard knew the difference between which one was which. Jon said that they did talk a lot about a bunch of things. Gary said that they were talking a lot about what was going on during the OJ Simpson trial and things like that. They heard a lot of conflicting information from different sides in the case.
Jon said that the girls talked about how they get paid to just show up at parties. He said he doesn’t get their show at all but Gary thought he had an explanation. Gary said he thinks that they appeal to younger people. Gary said he doesn’t get it either but he’s a 48 year old man.
Gary said that they do wonder what kind of talent they have and he’s not sure what that is. He said that doesn’t mean that they’re not talented. Jon said that they might be famous just for being famous. They talked about some other people who are famous for that. They’re not the only ones out there, they’re just the most popular ones.
The guys spent a few more minutes talking about the stuff the girls were talking about in their interview today. They also talked about some other celebrities who are famous for being famous. Gary said there was a couple who married after appearing on Survivor who had a sex tape released and no one cared about it because they were just two regular people having sex.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thought they were excellent guests and he’s a big fan of Kim’s. He asked if she was gorgeous in person. The guys said that she was stunning. Jon asked about her ass and what he thought about that. Benjy said he didn’t see much of it but she was hot.
Jon played a clip from the interview where the girls were talking about what it would cost Howard to hire them to show up.
After the clip the guys talked more about what they were charging and why they would charge more for a birthday appearance. they weren’t sure if she was talking about showing up for her birthday or someone who hires them.
Benjy said that he’s gotten paid to show up at an event like that. He said he doesn’t get that kind of money though. Gary said he bets Artie could get paid to do something like that. Teddy said Artie actually did that. He said he got a lot of money for showing up to a club. Gary said he was there that night. He said he thinks he could do very well just doing that and not even doing comedy.
A caller asked if they have ever watched that show they’re on. Jon and Gary said they hadn’t really seen much of it. The caller said the show is awful. Jon said that a lot of people watch that show and even more are watching that than watching ”Mad Men.” The caller said he knows that because his girlfriend watches it.
The guys talked about some of the other awful reality shows that are on and how they’ve managed to avoid most of them. They said that shows like Survivor are not the type of reality shows they’re talking about though. Jon said he separates those kind of shows out from the type where cameras just go into someone’s house. Gary asked if the shows like ”Deadliest Catch” show someone’s talent. Jon said of course they do. Those guys are doing something. He said he didn’t want to knock the Kardashian’s show but they’re not really doing much of anything.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that some people watch that show because they hate it. He said it’s like listening to Howard because you hate it, you just want to hear what they’re going to say next. The caller said he likes that show.
Gary said he was addicted to the show ”My Super Sweet 16” and it was because it was like a train wreck. He said that the girls on the show were just horrible. He said that one girl wanted her father to make it snow in July and he did that but then she hated the color of the car her father gave her.
A caller said that the interview today sounded annoying and he had to turn it off because it was so bad. He said that they talk through their nose and he can’t see them so he had to turn it off. Gary said he can agree with him on that because he can look up at the monitor to see them. Gary said that when Howard speaks to them you can see expressions on their face and it made him like them better. The caller said that’s fine but just listening to them made him want them to just shut up. He said he was glad when the segment was over.
Gary asked the caller if they could have done anything to make them better. He said if they had ridden the Sybian then maybe. Gary said that it sounds like he was never going to like them so nothing would have changed it.
Jon said that the girls were good sports about some of the stuff they were talking about and you don’t hear that from all of the guests they have. Gary said that they gave honest answers from what he could tell.
Al Rosenberg called in and said that he enjoys this show. He said that Zsa Zsa Gabor was another one who was famous just for being famous. He said she just married rich guy after rich guy and she was a horrible bitch and a mean person.
Gary brought up Maime Van Doren too. That led to Benjy saying that she’s still hot and she has a web site. He brought the web site up, MaimeVanDoren.com, and Gary said he can’t possibly find that hot. Benjy said she looks good for a 70-something year old. Gary said that’s not hot at all.
Jon took another call from a woman who brought up Anna Nicole. she said that she was another one who became famous for just being famous. Gary said that she was in Playboy though. She was also a Guess Jeans model. Gary said that she got there because of that and not for doing nothing. The woman said that Paris has done some runway modeling too. Gary asked if it was before she did her reality show and stuff. The caller didn’t seem to be clear on that. The caller and Gary went back and forth arguing about that for a few minutes.
Gary said there was someone on the phone who wanted to be famous and she bought billboards. He said she just put them up and said she was going to be famous and she became famous for that. Her name was Angelique or something like that.
A caller said that he watches that Kardashian show when he’s at home and baked. He said that their godfather is OJ Simpson. The guys didn’t know that. The caller asked why they would keep him as their godfather after what he did. Gary said that he’s not sure that they still have a close relationship with the guy now.
The caller told Benjy that he needs to talk more. He said he knows Howard doesn’t let him speak but he’d never put up with that. Benjy said that he loves his job and he’s not going to walk out on the show just because of that. The caller said he should sit down with Howard and talk about that with him to try and get some time on the air. Benjy said he would love to have more of a voice but he’s not going to walk out on the show because of that. Benjy said it’s Howard’s show and he’s not going to beg him to give him time on the air. He knows that he has trouble speaking sometimes and Howard gets frustrated.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the Kardashians might like black guys because they grew up around OJ and his wife. Gary didn’t think that was the reason for it.
Another caller said he watches the Kardashian show and Kim really is hot. He said that she’s one, fine, beautiful girl. He gave them some details about the show and how much he enjoys it. They had to go to break as short time later.
Wrap Up Show – JD’s Illness. 12/08/09. 11:35am
After the break Gary asked what was up with the music that was playing when they came back. Teddy said it’s ”Rich Girl” by Gwen Stefani so he figured it was fitting with the Kardashians.
Jon moved on to talk about JD coming in today and how he wasn’t looking so good. Gary said he knows JD is in a bad place. He said he came into his office around 9:30 and put his hand on his shoulder. He said that JD isn’t a touchy feely guy and he’s feeling bad about not being there. He said that’s a lot for JD to put his hand on his shoulder. Jon said that JD is on Zoloft so that might be why he was acting like that. Gary said he thought it was sweet that he was doing that.
Jon said that JD is getting a lot of conflicting information from people there. Gary said he thinks that JD will listen to the doctor he went to see today so hopefully that will work out for him. Gary said that it seems to be getting to be a bigger and bigger thing for JD and he has to work on that. Howard makes it seem so simple to work it out but it’s not.
A caller said that he’s been dealing with a lot of anxiety his whole life and he wanted to give him some tips. He said that the more JD fights it, the worse it’s going to get. He said that he’s going to have that fear that his attacks are going to keep happening if he doesn’t just accept it and move on.
The caller said he learned piano which helped him be calm. He said he’s been on and off of meds for a long time and he’s on some stuff now. He went on and on about his problems and how JD can help himself if he just accepts it.
Gary asked the guy to stop talking and he’d give him some Carson’s ribs. Gary said that Jim McClure had a gun to his head so he had to cut him off. Jon and Gary hooked the guy up with the Carson’s ribs thing and put him on hold. Gary apologized to him for cutting him off like that but he had to move along.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he agrees with Howard about just getting over this stuff. He said that you have to man up and just go to work. The guy said that he was in the service and he’s the one who should have PTSD, not JD. He said that maybe he doesn’t have someone to tell him to just get over this shit. He said that you have to figure it out and go on with your life.
Benjy said if he didn’t know the facts about JD not wanting to leave home he wouldn’t have known. He said today he seemed to be able to speak more clearly than usual. The guys said that those confidence pills may be helping him out with that.
Another caller said that they have to watch JD because he might come in there one day and go postal. Gary said he doesn’t think he has to worry about that. He doesn’t think that JD is that kind of guy. He said that Artie isn’t either with his problems. The caller said it does seem kind of odd that JD doesn’t like to leave his house and that’s the way those guys who go postal are.
Gary said maybe tomorrow they’ll hear more about what JD was told by the doctor. Benjy said he hopes JD takes Howard’s advice on changing his hours because he kind of put that on himself. He said that he also seems to have gotten nervous after people show up at work. He spends a lot of time at home alone so that could be part of the problem. Jon said that JD does spend a lot of time alone and with the weird hours.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he’s been on Zoloft for about 15 years now. He said that it saved his life. He said that JD really has to talk to the guys there and talk to Howard about what’s going on. He said he feels that Howard really is concerned. He said he has to be friendly with them there too. Benjy said that JD is social there when he’s at work. Gary said he’s more social now than he was when he first started there.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she has suffered from anxiety since she was young and she had to take medication too. She was also saying that Robin gave him some wrong advice yesterday. She said that you have to come down from that anxiety attack before you can get help. She said that Robin told JD he shouldn’t take a Xanax but that friend actually saved him. Gary said that you shouldn’t take medication like that without seeing a doctor. Jon said you can get hooked on that stuff and that wouldn’t be a better thing.
Benjy asked the caller what she’s so sad about because she really sounded depressed. The caller said that she was depressed and said that her dog is very sick right now. Gary told her that Benjy used to be on a psychic hotline so he picks up on stuff like that.
Another caller said that JD doesn’t have PTSD. He said that he has it from being in the service and seeing dead bodies and shooting people. Gary said that not everyone has to see the same kind of stuff to be affected. Jon said that JD was punched in the face and mugged on the subway and that’s his war. Benjy said he went through a bad thing and maybe that’s what’s causing this, maybe it’s not. Jon said that maybe his doctor will be able to figure it all out.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he gets that people have problems in their lives but they seem to be a bunch of pussies. The caller said that they need to toughen up and get over it. The guy said that Artie is the biggest pussy and he needs to toughen up.
Jon said Howard mentioned that he’s motivated by having to go to work every day. He said that not everyone there is like Howard though. It’s easier said than done for some people according to Gary. The caller asked why that is. Gary said that everyone is different. He said you can’t just tell someone to get over a mental illness. They can’t just get over it.
Benjy said that some guys are shy in front of girls and people will tell them to just get over it but it’s not that easy.
Ralph called in and said that telling someone to just get over it is the worst advice. He said that sleep is very important. He said that he takes some ”simply sleep” stuff from Tylenol that works great. He said that it calms your brain down and that really helps. He said that’s what JD should try. Ralph said he’s almost hooked on the stuff. He said he will take it if he can’t sleep and the stuff knocks him right back out. They had to end the show a short time later.