Ronnie the Limo Driver’s Holiday Party Speech

Howard came back and said that he never did play that Ronnie clip from the party. He spent a minute talking about the song Fred was playing and wondered if they had any other hits. Fred said they had some other hits. Howard said he heard about Lauren Hill doing a concert where she showed up late and then told the people she was worth the wait. Howard said she must be off her rocker.

Fred played another Kings of Leon song and Howard said it sounded kind of familiar. He said it wasn’t that big of a hit. He said they have to get on it and do a sequel to ”Use Somebody.” Fred said that’s going to be tough. Howard said he liked the guys that came in years ago and did that song he liked. That was Hum. They had one hit and that was it. Howard said he thought they were going to have a long career. He said he can’t believe that they didn’t have another hit. He said they had such an attitude. Howard said they weren’t even that good looking but they had that look of guys who would steal a girlfriend. Fred played the song ”Stars” and Howard was still feeling the power of the song. He said it was a great song.

Howard said they were talking about the holiday party earlier where Ronnie made a speech while he was drunk. Howard said that he just can’t help himself. Howard said he made a heartfelt speech and then Ronnie got up and got into that strip club mode.

Ronnie came in so Howard said he hates that new moustache look of his. Ronnie said that Howard hates everything about him so who cares. Howard said that Ronnie was trying to be funny and he’s not. Ronnie told Howard that he did tell him to make a speech too. Ronnie said Howard asked him to come up with him. Howard said he doesn’t remember that and he wasn’t drunk. Ronnie said he wasn’t drunk either. Howard said this is the most amazing speech. Howard said Ronnie has this whole personality with the strip club thing and he’s always got to be the court jester. Howard said the truth came out during this speech.

Ronnie said he had to help Robin into her car that night because she was so drunk. Robin said that’s not true. She said that Ronnie was on the stairs and she wasn’t able to get past him.

Howard played the tape of Ronnie’s speech and he starts out with that ”yeah!” of his. Howard stopped it and analyzed that for a few seconds before moving on. Ronnie goes on to say that he’s been with Howard for 25 years now and Howard always farts in the car, he cuts his nails in the car… Howard said he’s never cut his nails in the car. Ronnie said he must be making it up. Howard said he may have bitten a nail off once. Ronnie said it must be his persona and he must be making this up. He said it’s not every day but once about 6 months ago he may have.

Howard replayed the start of the speech and Ronnie said he doesn’t even get in the car anymore. Howard said that’s because he retired Ronnie with his security business. Howard said that he’s his only client. Robin was confused. She said that Ronnie doesn’t drive but he finds nails? Ronnie said he does drive Howard sometimes. Howard said he has a personality like a mall rat.

Howard played more of Ronnie’s speech and Ronnie was yelling and getting Brian Phelan all riled up. Howard said that they were making noises like caribou. He said it’s the mating call of retards. He said it’s like the yell of a married guy out for the night. Ronnie points out that Bubba the Love Sponge’s wife, Heather, was there. Howard asked if he took her to Rick’s. Ronnie said he did not. Howard thought that he took her the next night. Ronnie said he didn’t take her anywhere. Howard said that’s Mr. Rick’s over there.

Howard played more of the tape and Ronnie was telling everyone to have a good time. Someone pointed out that he’s someone’s grandpa. Howard said that Ronnie is out of his mind and he must hate him to be saying all of this stuff he’s saying. Howard played a song parody with Ronnie’s many insults to Howard and others.

Ronnie said he didn’t want to make a speech. He said Howard made him make a speech. Howard said he doesn’t like this new moustache. He said it’s like a soul patch and a Fu Man Chu look on top. He said he looks like Billy Bob Thornton. He wants to remake True Grit again with Ronnie in it. He told him to get out of there after that. Howard wondered how he makes that noise. Gary said that’s how Brian and Ronnie entered his book party.

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