Charlie Sheen on Howard 101?

Howard Stern received an impromptu job offer over the weekend when representatives for Charlie Sheen asked Stern to join Sheen’s Sunday night live performance at Radio City Music Hall.

“They said they want you to show up Sunday night, meaning me—they want you to show up and host Charlie’s show, and if you do that, they’ll air the show on our Howard 101 Sunday night…I said well, you can get back to them and say: #1 I’m not going there. I have no idea what the show is, and #2 I would air the show, whatever it is, I’d like to hear it on Howard 101. I’d be happy to do that, but that’s about it. I’m not going to go there and—I don’t know what I was expected to do.”

Charlie Sheen Porn Star Pageant (Results & Recap)

Results

The Porn Star Pageant – Kacey Jordan.

After the break we heard a prank call Sal and Richard made to Riley Martin where they were acting like aliens. Fred also played Van Halen’s ”Panama” as they were coming back.

Howard came back and started the Porn Star Pageant. They had an opening announcement as they started it. He introduced Howard Stern and Howard said they love pageants on this show. They have a $10,000 prize from Beezid.com. Howard said they have 3 women in today and all 3 of them have slept with Charlie Sheen. Howard said that maybe they didn’t sleep with him but they were in the room with him and maybe they had sex or maybe they didn’t.

Howard said that the first woman in the pageant is Kacey Jordan who was on the show recently. Howard introduced her and said that they’re judging on beauty and personality. Howard talked to Kacey about her appearance on the show where she talked about being with Charlie. Howard said that she was in the paper again this morning. He said they had a picture of her in a bikini on a bed. She said they shot that yesterday. She waned a copy of that. Howard said she can have his copy if she wants. She asked if it was sticky.

Howard said he asked Charlie about why he pays women when he called in earlier in the week. Howard asked Kacey why she thinks he does. She said she really doesn’t know. Kacey said she has a client who likes to give her money and gifts and then tells her to get out. She said it’s like a fetish for that guy so maybe that’s what it’s like for Charlie. Howard said he was reading about how Charlie likes porn girls because he can preview them watching their movies.

Howard asked Kacey if she’s jealous that Bree Olson and that Nat chick are living with Charlie. She said she’s glad that she’s not a part of it. She said she wouldn’t want to watch him die slowly over there. She said they’re going to go down in the ship with him.

Howard asked Kacey if she’s still drinking. She said she took 3 weeks off of drinking but last night she got wasted. Howard said he heard that she was so out of it this morning that she had a hard time getting there. She said she actually had no problem. She’s a pro and she was ready to go.

Howard said he heard that Kacey announced she was pregnant and the baby might have been Charlie’s. She said she got an abortion and didn’t have sex until last night. She said she got the abortion done in Oregon like she told them when she was in last time. Gary said that she told them that she wasn’t having sex but she was having anal.

Howard asked how she discovered she was pregnant. Kacey said she was late and she had cramping. She felt like shit so she thought she might have an STD or something. Then she took a pregnancy test and it turned out positive. She said she doesn’t want to have kids and wants to get her tubes tied. Howard said she could be set for life if she had that baby. Howard asked if she told Charlie about it. Kacey said she didn’t right away. She said that she texted him and told him after he did the Dan Patrick show. She said she didn’t think he sounded very good so she had to talk to him about that.

Howard asked Kacey if she thought about what she said about Charlie in the press since he did pay her 30 grand. She said that she wanted everyone to see how bad he is and now everyone is seeing his gold teeth and how he’s acting lately. She said that it’s all showing now.

Howard asked Kacey if she wants to get back with Charlie. She said she hasn’t spoken to him recently. She said she has chosen to stay out of it for now. Kacey said she did tell him about the baby. She said that he told her to let him know how it all goes. She said he always signs off with XOXO. Howard said it could have been his baby but she may not know. Kacey said that she was with some other guys but not with that many. She said it could have been one of 3. She said the other guy is a celebrity but she won’t say who it was. Kacey said she doesn’t want to get black listed.

Howard asked Kacey if she’s ever gotten arrested for being a party girl. She said she hasn’t. She said they get paid to ”party” so it’s not really prostitution. Kacey told Howard that she fucks her dentist and that was a something that she fantasized about. She said she’s getting $40,000 worth of veneers for free. Howard told her not to get them. He said that they always look so fake. She said they’ll just be nice and white. Howard said they’ll look so fake though.

Howard said Kacey fascinates him. He said that she didn’t ride the Sybian because she was bleeding from her kidneys. Kacey said she isn’t bleeding anymore. She said she took her 3 weeks off from drinking and took her medication and it all cleared up. Howard said she’s only 22 and her kidneys are failing. Robin said it’s not kidney failure, she’s just got a urinary tract infection. Howard said she was peeing blood last time she was there. She said it kind of hurt too. Kacey said she drank a lot last night and some guy was buying her drinks. She said she got shit faced. She didn’t bang the guy or anything.

Howard asked what this dentist fantasy is about. She said that she doesn’t know what it’s about but it’s great. She told Howard that her friend fucked the same dentist. Howard asked how she brings it up to the guy. Kacey said that they went out for drinks after he worked on her. Howard asked how that even comes up. She said he was asking her about his new car and if she liked it. Howard asked where she goes to fuck him. She said she just went to a hotel. She told him to just fuck her ass. She said the whole thing is kind of weird though.

Howard asked if she fucked the dentist last night. She said that was someone else. Howard asked how many times she has to fuck the dentist to get the veneers. She said she doesn’t have to do him after that. She said that she will stop after she gets them. She said he’s very nice so she may fuck him as a courtesy once in a while.

Kacey told Howard she got ”Superman’d” last night. That’s where the guy dropped his load on her back and then threw the sheet on her. Howard asked about the fucking and Fred threw in some fart sounds which she really likes. Howard said she’s an amazing girl.

Howard said that Kacey is going to be tough to beat. He said she’s gorgeous. He said they haven’t met the other girls yet. He got in another plug for Beezid.com which is their sponsor. Howard said there’s a second place prize of an LG HDTV and Blu-ray player. Then there’s an iPad and other stuff for third prize.

Howard asked Kacey if she wanted to show the judges her body naked. She said that she would do that. Kacey took her top off. Howard told her not to get implants because he loves her breasts. She said she thinks implants look retarded. Howard said he likes her small boobs. She said they’re just an AA-cup. Howard liked that.

Howard asked Kacey what got her the call to Charlie’s house. She said it was her puffy vagina. Howard had her show that again. Howard also asked about the size of Charlie’s penis and if it’s really that small. She said that it was normal to her when she saw it.

Howard said he heard that Kacey has a problem with Capri Anderson. Kacey said she prefers not to know her. She said she doesn’t like her crying and crap in her interviews. She said she feels like she’s lying. Howard had Kacey take a seat and then brought in Capri.

The Porn Star Pageant – Capri Anderson.

Howard had Capri Anderson come in after playing an intro. Howard said that she looks so innocent and young. He said that he finds it hard to believe that she’s in the business. Capri said she’s been in it since she was 18. She said she prefers to be called a porn star and not an escort. Howard said Charlie Sheen did pay her to be with her though. She said he did. She also said that she’s turning 23 soon. Howard asked Kacey and Capri if they weren’t getting along. They hadn’t met each other so they were just meeting today.

Howard asked Capri about what happened to her. She said that she saw some abuse. Kacey said she didn’t see that when she was with him and he was on a bender at the time. Howard said Capri went to dinner with Charlie and Denise Richards was there. She said it was very exciting for her to see her. She said she had no idea that she was going to be there.

Howard asked Capri what she has going on. She said she just signed with Vivid for a year. Howard asked Kacey if she wishes she had a contract. She said that they don’t make a lot of money so she’s glad she doesn’t have a contract. Capri said that she has a great deal and she is going to be making good money. She said they were very generous.

Howard asked Capri about what she’ll be doing now. She said she’s going to be doing strangers now. She didn’t do that in the past.

Howard said that Capri was with Charlie Sheen at that dinner with Denise Richards and asked how that went. Capri said she didn’t even know who she was having dinner with until she got there. She said there were a bunch of other women there as well. She said that he was a lot of fun in the beginning of the night but it went sour. Howard asked if she’s a party girl who drinks a lot. He asked if she’s ever had blood in her pee. She said that she hasn’t.

Howard asked about how Denise Richards had left in the middle of the dinner that night. Capri said that she did get uncomfortable and left. She said she felt really bad about what went down that night. Capri claims that Charlie got physical with her. Capri said that they said that she stole his watch but she thinks that they did that because they were doing damage control. Kacey said she believes that she stole the watch. Capri said a lot of America does.

Howard asked Capri what happened that night. Capri told Howard that she went back to the hotel and hung out with Charlie for a while. She said that he had a Charlie Brown tattoo on his chest so she made fun of him for that. He asked her if she puts out for guys she’s not into. She said she won’t do them. Kacey said she did a 500 pound guy who sweat all over her and she could smell taint cheese and stuff on him. She said she had to sanitize everything after that. Howard said that sounds tough. Capri said she’s never had a guy like that.

Howard asked the girls if they ever fantasize about Charlie falling in love and sweeping them off their feet. Capri said it’s just business for her. Kacey said she thinks he looks like the crypt keeper so no way. Howard asked about Bree Olson and what they think of that. Kacey said that’s her thing and she’s making her money so that’s great. She said that Bree is very nice and there might be a little something there for her.

Howard asked what kind of money she can be making. They figured it’s in the hundreds of thousands. Capri said that she was offered 25 grand in cash after the whole story broke about her. She said that she’s assuming that Bree is getting a lot of money to hang around him.

Howard asked if they think Bree is thinking this will make her the most popular porn star in the world. Howard said it might be a smart business move. Kacey said Bree is cashing in big time. Howard asked if they think Nat can really be in love. Capri said there was some weird jaw action going on with her. Howard said he noticed that too.

Capri told Howard that she took her dress off for Charlie that night. Howard said these girls are so free. He said that maybe they should get it on. Kacey really doesn’t like her for some reason. Gary asked Kacey why she’s so protective of someone she met for just a day or a week. Kacey said she spent a lot of time talking to Charlie while he was high on cocaine. She said there’s a lot of time to talk when you’re high like that.

Howard asked Capri about her night with Charlie and what went wrong. Capri said they had a drink and Charlie went off to the side and she was checking her phone. She had taken her phone out to check the time and she was in her underwear at the time. She said she heard him snorting something. then he took off his shirt and he started in on his rant about something she didn’t understand. She said she thought about leaving but she stuck around. They made out for like a second and then it turned sour. She said they started with some sexual activity but they really only made out. Capri said Charlie got physically violent after he snapped. She said that she started to resist him but she didn’t want to get into that because she has a pending lawsuit.

Capri said she got off the bed when he got physical. Then he threw the lamp at her and started smashing stuff. Kacey asked her why she’s suing him if he apologized to her and offered her money. She said she’s trying to teach him a lesson. She said that he can’t be doing stuff like that. Kacey said that sounds kind of mean.

Kacey doesn’t seem to think that she went through as much as she says. She said that she sucks dick for a living and she can’t be upset about a lamp being thrown at her. Howard asked Kacey if she’s ever been attacked while on a job. She said she hasn’t. She said she was choked out a little bit but that’s just part of the job.

Howard asked Capri if she’s happy with her life. Capri said she is. She’s doing some feature dancing and things like that. Howard asked if she can show them anything. She showed the guys her butt.

Howard said the girls pictures are up on HowardStern.com.

Robin asked Kacey why she doesn’t believe Capri’s story if Charlie really did trash the hotel room. Kacey said that she got angry because she wouldn’t give Charlie a blow job. Capri said that’s not why he snapped. She said that the story is all in the police report. She said that anyone can read that if they want. Capri said that she never said she wouldn’t blow him. She said that she was on her way to doing that but Charlie went off on a rant. She said the watch stealing thing was damage control in her opinion.

Howard took a call from a guy who said that she does the back room casting couch porn. That’s what Howard likes to watch. Howard asked if she did that. Capri didn’t even remember. She’s only been in the business for four years. Howard said he thought those were all real.

Howard said he can tell that Kacey is annoyed. She said she’s actually amused. Howard said they have one more contestant.

The Porn Star Pageant – Melanie Rios.

Next up was Melanie Rios. Howard played an intro for her and she said that she was with Charlie and he fell asleep inside her. Howard asked where she’s been hiding and where she’s from. She said she’s from Columbia. She said that she’s probably one of the ugliest ones from Columbia. Howard said that’s impossible. He said that doesn’t seem right. Howard said it seemed like Kacey didn’t like her either. Kacey said she actually likes her.
Howard asked Melanie about what she does in porn. She does just about everything but she’s never done anal. She’s only 19 years old. Kacey said they were in the hotel room together last night and they had a little fun.

Howard asked Melanie if she was molested as a child. She said she was not. Capri said she wasn’t either. Kacey said she wasn’t either but she wished she had been. Howard said she looks like she needs a drink.

Howard asked Melanie if she had a strict family. She said she did and they were not happy when she got into this industry. Melanie said she had a job in an office before this. She said she wanted to try something new and figured she could try this for a living.

Howard asked Melanie if she would recommend this for other women. She said that some of them can’t handle it so she wouldn’t do that. Melanie told Howard about how she used to cry after scenes and stuff like that. She said that she’s mentally strong so she can take it.

Howard asked Capri if she’s strong too. She said she is. She said some girls get into the business and they don’t know what they’re getting into.

Howard asked Melanie about what it was like being with Charlie. She said that he loved her ass. She showed them what that was like. Howard asked how she got hooked up with Charlie. She said a friend set that up. She said she loved Charlie and she knew of him. She said that she just thought he was a nice guy and didn’t even think about his fame. Howard said that she claims that she had sex just twice even though she hung out with him about 20 times. She said there were always other women around. Howard said it must cost him a fortune to throw these parties. Melanie said she thinks that he does it just to have company around.

Howard asked what she got paid to be with him. She said that she was keeping that between them. She said that she got some good money and it went up the second time.

Howard asked Melanie if she saw any violence. She said that she did and she was the one who would calm him down. She said that he always had reasons though. She said that one of the girls got really drunk and she crashed into two cars when she left. She came back and denied it and Charlie got mad at her for denying it. Howard asked if she ever got a car from Charlie. She said she got to drive his Bentley but he didn’t give her one. Howard asked what he did when he got mad. She said he just yelled.

Howard asked Melanie about this porn star house that Charlie has talked about doing. Melanie said she heard about that and so did Kacey. Howard said they must be upset that he’s not doing it and denying he even had the idea. Kacey said that she wouldn’t want to be there because he would be overdosing all the time there.

Melanie said that she really likes Charlie and she thinks that he’s mad at her because her name was thrown into some other stuff that she wasn’t involved with. She said that she does her thing and doesn’t need to sell stories. Melanie said that Kacey dropped her name and that’s why Charlie is upset with her. Howard asked if Kacey did that. Kacey said she didn’t so it must have been someone else who told TMZ about it. Melanie said that she knows some other people who were there and she knows that she wouldn’t do that.

Howard said it seems like Kacey doesn’t like Capri and Melanie doesn’t like Kacey. Kacey said she sold her story because she thinks that Charlie needs help and she wanted people to know what he was up to. Melanie said she thinks that he can do what he wants and he can clean himself up and he knows his limits.

Howard said he doesn’t get why Charlie didn’t have sex with Melanie more than he did. She said she didn’t either. She said he’s so much fun that it’s always great to be around him. Howard asked about the size of his cock. She said that she’d say it’s at about 7 or 7 1/2. She said she’s never seen an 8 and a half like he claims.

Howard asked if the sex was good. She said it was. She said they used rubbers. Kacey said they did too but they kept falling off. Capri said it might be the lambskin condoms because they’re supposed to be the most real feeling.

Howard said that Melanie claims that she had money deposited right into her account by Charlie’s people. She said that did happen.

Gary came in and asked about the time Charlie fell asleep inside her. She said that it was probably the drug use. She said that it just never seemed to be the right time for them when they were together. Howard said he could never fall asleep inside of her. He said she’s so hot.

Capri said that she’s been with guys that she wants to fall asleep inside of her when they’re done. She said that she can imagine doing that.

Howard asked the girls if they need cock. Melanie said she needs it on a daily basis. Capri said she does too. So does Kacey.

The Porn Star Pageant – Voting

Howard said it was time to vote. He asked Melanie if she wanted to show more of her body. They all did. The girls all showed their boobs. They all had natural breasts and Howard said he couldn’t find anything wrong with them.
Gary asked what they were voting on exactly. Howard said he wasn’t sure. He took a call from a guy who asked how many teeth Charlie has in his mouth. Melanie said he has like 2 or 3 gold teeth and they’re kind of cool. Kacey said she thought it was off putting and all she could think of was Lil John. Capri said she didn’t notice the gold teeth. The caller also asked if they would ride the Sybian. Howard said they had to judge first.

Howard took another call from a guy who wasn’t getting his thoughts out fast enough. Howard hung up on him.

Gary wanted to start the voting. He said he has an idea on how to do it. Robin said she had no idea. Howard said he did. They’re playing for $10,000 and only one person is going to win that. He asked the girls if they’re going to get mental on him if they don’t win. Melanie said that she and Capri have a deal to buy something nice for the other person if they win.

Melanie said that she thinks that Kacey is making an ass out of herself doing what she’s doing. She said she sold herself and she’s acting like a total whore. Kacey admitted that she is a whore. That’s what she does for a living. Capri was on Melanie’s side. The girls argued for a minute.

Howard said he would fuck all three of them if he was single. Gary said that Charlie really is a winner after seeing these girls. Melanie said that she’s been hearing that ”Winning” thing for a while now. She said he’s been saying that a long time.

Howard asked Kacey if she was okay. She said she’s actually having a good time there. She thinks that the other girls are jealous. Melanie said that she’s not jealous. Kacey said that Melanie isn’t going to win, just look at her. Melanie said that she thinks Kacey is a gorgeous girl even though she doesn’t like her personally. Kacey said she thinks the same about Melanie.

Howard said he would never fall asleep in any of them. He said he could get them all loving one another. He said that there is some infighting going on though. Howard said they care about their title.

Kacey said that she just wants to win this beauty pageant. Howard said this is more than a beauty pageant. He said it’s more than that. He said it’s about what’s inside too. The girls were still throwing little jabs at one another as they were talking about that. Kacey said she likes the honesty that’s coming out of them. She said they’re getting vulgar. Melanie said that she wanted to kill Kacey after she mentioned her name in the press. Kacey said she never did that and she’s going to leave it at that.

Ralph called in and said that the girls should figure out who is ratting them out. He said that hookers are supposed to keep their mouths shut. The girls said they’re not hookers. Ralph said that their job is to keep their mouths shut so that’s what they should do.

Capri said that she had to go out and get a lawyer after the whole story broke. She didn’t break the story herself. She said she didn’t’ want to be in the press for that story. She said that she’s not even sure who called the cops.

Howard asked the girls if they were ready. Of course they were. Gary started off judging and said he’s ruling Capri out because she had a brief encounter. Gary said Melanie is really cute but he likes the train wreck that is Kacey. He said that there is no code of ethics between call girls and that’s how he’s judging. He said he’s giving his vote to Kacey. Melanie and Capri weren’t happy about that.

Howard had Fred cast his vote. Fred said that they’re all smoking hotties but Capri didn’t use her vagina with Charlie. She just hid in the bathroom. She said that she will show them her vagina if they want to see. She did that but it didn’t change Fred’s mind. Fred said that he’s giving his vote to Kacey. He liked the stories she told.

Howard went to Ronnie the Limo Driver next. Ronnie said that he didn’t dig the girls coming in and tag teaming Kacey. He said that they all threw Charlie under the bus by talking about him today. He said he’s voting for Kacey too. Howard said he’s shocked.

JD gets a vote too so Howard had him give his vote. JD said that Kacey is the only one that sold her story. He said they were all honest and he’s voting for Capri based on looks alone. He said he’s already following her on Twitter.

Howard said that he was going to get a woman’s vote next. He went to Benjy. Benjy said that Melanie is out because she’s not white. He was just kidding. Benjy said that Capri has a great body. She felt like taking her clothes off because of that. Howard told her to just do it. Benjy told her to get on all fours. He said that she looks like Lindsay Lohan a little bit. Benjy said that he can’t stand how Kacey rips into someone the way she does but she’s so smart and so strong that he has to give her his vote.

Howard said that Capri got naked for that. Howard told Kacey to take something off too. She said she was strapped tight but she’d take it off. Gary gave her a ”Wow!” when he saw her.

Robin said she has no idea how to vote. She said they were all great. Howard said he would vote then. He said that Kacey is a doll. He said she’s beautiful. He said Capri has a great body too. He said she’s smokin’ hot. He said Charlie Sheen is the man. He said the two of them are amazing. Howard said he didn’t like how Melanie and Capri teamed up on Kacey. Melanie said that she doesn’t like her because she’s not a nice person.

Howard said he was going to vote for Melanie because she didn’t get any votes. She didn’t want a pity vote. Howard said he would give it to Kacey then. Howard announced the winners and what their prizes were. He said he likes the prize that Melanie was getting for third place. She was super happy about the iPad and the camera she won. Howard said they’re all winning.

Howard had Max from Beezid.com come in and present Kacey with her $10,000 check. Max congratulated her on the win. There were a couple of girls with Max so Howard asked what their story was. They were part of the presentation and the girls said they had never been with Charlie Sheen.

Howard said he thinks he has had enough of all of them and wrapped up the pageant. Howard said they were all ”Winning!” He went to break a short time later.

During the break Howard said he forgot to give the girls their plugs. He said that a couple of them are going to be at Scores tonight. He also said that Kacey is on PornHub.com and Capri is a new Vivid girl.

Charlie Sheen calls Howard Stern

After the break Howard came right back because he had Charlie Sheen on the phone. Howard asked Charlie how he was doing. Charlie said he’s been yelling at the wall. He said that he has to right this wrong that has been done to him. Howard said he has read that they are going to pay the crew from the show for the shows that they’re not shooting.
Howard said that Charlie is saying that they didn’t need to pull the plug on the show. Charlie said they really didn’t need to do that. He said he got right to his point on the Today Show and he hasn’t gotten a phone call or anything about the questions he has about the show.

Howard told Charlie about how he got sued by CBS and he called Les Moonves out on the air. He asked Charlie if he’s worried about his reputation being ruined. Charlie said that he has a lot of offers on the table right now and they’re just waiting for information on his TV schedule. He said he’s not worried about the movie side of the whole thing.

Howard asked Charlie about paying these broads to fuck them. He said that he has fucked the hottest chicks in Hollywood and he doesn’t have to pay. Charlie said that’s a whole other segment. He said they can get into that later. Howard said he has had Denise Richards on the show and she seems like the perfect wife for him. Charlie was laughing and saying they were straying from the subject there. Howard said Denise has said that she likes dressing up and stuff. Howard asked how that didn’t work out. Charlie said that she threw that piece of paper in there and that screwed things up. He said that she’s fabulous and smoking hot and he loves her to death.

Howard asked Charlie if he’s done with marriage now. Charlie said that he has failed at 3 so he’s not in a rush to get into four. Howard asked more about Denise and stuff like that and he didn’t want to get into that. He said maybe they can talk about it tomorrow.

Charlie told Howard that he got Bree Olson to retire. He said that her name is now Rachel. He said that he’s created something called a wedge. Howard asked Charlie about the hot chick he had in his back yard during the interview he saw. Charlie told him about that woman, Natty, and how it’s the three of them in this relationship. Howard asked if they’re willing to get it on with each other. Charlie said that he’d have to ask them about that.

Howard asked Charlie where he is now. He wants to roll with him. Charlie said he’s in Sherman Oaks, California. Howard said he wants to hang with him and do what he’s doing. Charlie said he’s welcome there anytime. Howard asked why he’s into Apocalypse Now so much. Charlie said it’s a film that teaches him a lot of lessons and it’s a magical Odyssey.

Howard asked if he’s tight with his dad or is that movie how he stays in touch with him. Charlie said that he sounds like his psychiatrist. Charlie said he’s not watching his dad in that movie. he’s watching his character.

Howard asked what his brother is up to. Charlie said that he’s got a new movie coming out in September and his dad is in it too. Charlie said he’s find with them doing that without him.

Howard asked about Jon Cryer and if he’s upset with what’s going on. Charlie said he thinks he’s turning that around. He thinks that Jon is behind him 100 percent. Robin asked if he’s been at war with the show people for a long time now. Charlie said that they have been trying to micro manage his personal life so that’s what he’s upset about.

Howard asked Charlie what the problem is with the show. Robin asked if it could be a problem that he’s all over the news with his personal life. Charlie said that he can’t get certain questions answered and it’s baffling to him. Charlie said he was asking about why there were no scripts when he was ready to come back and why they were unprepared for him to return. He said that they told him to be prepared and he was and they didn’t have any scripts.

Howard asked why all of this is blowing up now. Charlie said that he thinks that Chuck Lorre wants out even though this is the show that made him. Charlie said that they should probably fire him and put him back on and everyone will win. Robin said that it seems that they have to keep them all together because CBS won’t do the show without Chuck and Chuck won’t do the show without Charlie. Charlie said that Les Moonves lied to him and said that they’d take care of the crew but they’ve only taken care of half the problem at this point.

Charlie said their show was on an upswing in season 8 and that’s almost unheard of. He said that they’ve left them all twisting in the breeze at this point. Howard asked if his family called and tried to get him committed. Charlie said they could try but that would involve gun play. Charlie said he’s 45 and he’s not ruled by his family.

Howard asked what else Charlie is going to do. He said he’s going to do another interview today and then wait by the phone for someone to call him. Howard asked if he banged Bree and Natty last night. Charlie said he can’t talk about that. He said he didn’t do both of them. Howard asked who his favorite is. Charlie said it’s impossible to choose. He said that they’re both radically wonderful. Howard asked if they’re always around to have sex with him. He said they’re not just there for sex but hell yeah they’re there for him.

Howard asked what the sleeping arrangements are. Charlie said they have two beds in the bedroom and each girl has her own and he will choose which one he wants to go to. Howard said he’s living like a king. Charlie asked why he shouldn’t.

Howard asked Charlie about going out with Kelly Preston and if he shot her in the arm accidentally once. Charlie said that a gun fell out of a pocket and it hit her in the leg. He wasn’t even in the room at the time. Howard asked if that’s when he had his guns taken away. Charlie said that he did decide that it was about time he got rid of them around that time.

Howard asked Charlie if he likes getting into fight. Charlie said that he doesn’t like that and it takes more of a man to walk away from a conflict. Howard asked him if the girls ever do things together in front of him. Charlie said he’s not that kinky and he’s pretty straightforward. Howard said the girl they had in there told them about how he likes to watch porn for hours. Howard said he would like him to come in and critique porn with him.

Howard said that Andy Dick was on the line and he wants to support him. Howard asked if Mel Gibson called him to support him too. Charlie said that he did and he’s a rock star. He said he loves Mel. Howard asked him about the drug tests he’s been taking lately. Charlie told him about passing those tests and how he’s clean now.

Howard said that Charlie is an amazing drug taker. He said he doesn’t end up dead or O.D. on that stuff. Charlie said that a man has got to know his limitations.

Howard had Andy Dick on the line so he put him on for a few seconds. Andy got on and asked why he was only going to give him a couple of seconds. Andy’s phone cut out so Howard bailed out on the call. Howard asked Charlie if he thinks that he has a shot of getting his show back. Charlie said that failure is not an option. He said that he will get it back and they will get big numbers again. He said he’s a man of his word and he’s going back to work.

Howard asked Charlie if he loves his life. Charlie asked what’s not to love. Howard said he gets the feeling he’s on fire and he’s not sleeping. Charlie said that he gets some sleep but there are nights that he doesn’t sleep. Howard asked if he’s lost all of his money in his divorces. He said he’s lost a lot but he doesn’t believe in panic. That’s for amateurs and morons. He said he gets another opportunity when something like that happens.

Howard asked Charlie if he’s just with these two girls that he’s got now. Charlie said hat he’s hit the lotto with those girls. Howard asked why his publicist quit. Charlie said that the guy quit via text. He said that he’s been his publicist since 2005 or so. He said he’s fighting a war right now so he needs someone on his side. He said that he will get his show back and he needs some questions answered.

Howard asked Charlie about this thing that Kacey Jordan told them about. She said that he wanted to create a porn house where he would have two of every type of porn girl in the house. Charlie said he never said he was going to do that but she must have a great imagination. Howard asked if he feels that they’re missing him by going out and talking about him like they do after he gives her $30,000. Charlie said maybe she’s a retarded zombie.

Howard asked Charlie if he thinks that he’s better than everyone else. Charlie said he is but then said he was just joking. He said he’s grandiose and that’s all it is. He said he’s loving every second of what’s happening to him. He said that he loves a challenge and he thinks that he’d be able to conquer this one if they’d just give him an answer.

Howard said he planned his attack against CBS and he went to the NY Times and did what Charlie is doing and went on the offensive. He said they caved. Charlie said of course they did. He said that when you put them in the light then they’re exposed. He said that they’re hiding something and he’s hiding nothing. Charlie said that he’s telling the truth and they’re not.

Howard asked if anyone in his family is trying to get him committed or anything. Charlie said his dad was out there talking about AA and stuff like that but that’s not what he wants to hear. H said they’re not trying to take over his finances or anything like that.

Howard asked Charlie about the interview he did in his back yard. Charlie said that was a way to get his message out to the world live. Howard said he’s also shopping his book for 10 million. Charlie said that it’s going to be a great book.

Howard asked Charlie about who the best was that he’s ever had. He told Howard it’s the two girls he has now, Rachel and Natty. Howard asked him about banging Tabitha Stevens. Charlie said he did that when she was still hot. Howard asked if these new girls are doing something that no one else has. Charlie said that they’re great.

Howard asked if he wishes he had a big porn star penis since this Kacey Jordan said it was just normal. Charlie said he’s not sure where she’s from. Howard asked how big he is and if he could measure for him right now. Charlie said he’d have to get back to him on that.

Howard asked if he’s ever shot any porn with these girls. Charlie said he never puts any of that on film. Charlie said that he had to go train but he’d call in tomorrow. Howard said that he should call in tomorrow.

Howard said that his audience is saying that Charlie is their hero. Howard said that they’re all behind him.

Howard said they have a bunch of girls coming in on Thursday to do a beauty pageant. He told Charlie who they were and he said he does remember them but didn’t want to dignify them. He said they’re all lame because of what they did. He said ”Shame on you all…” to the girls. He said he gave Melanie some stuff and he should ask her what he gave her. Howard said he’ll do that. Charlie said if she lies then he’ll tell him what he really gave him.

Howard said he wants him to take 3 phone calls. Robin asked if he’s sober or just ”Hollywood sober.” Charlie said he’s sober.

Howard took a call from a guy who said that he’s his hero and he wants to come hang out with him. Charlie said he’s honored. Howard asked if it makes him feel good when he hears that. Charlie said that he does like that because he’s a winner and he’ll catch the losers in his rear view. Howard asked if he ever pictures himself as Genghis Khan. Charlie said he wouldn’t go that far back because he wouldn’t be able to do what he’s doing now.

Howard asked Charlie what he’s doing today. Charlie said he has some training and then he’ll hang with his kids and his goddesses. He said that he has a chef that cooks for him so he’s going to have a perfect meal after that. Howard said that he has to hang with him. Charlie said he’s welcome anytime. Howard asked if the ex-wives are trying to keep him from the kids. Charlie said of course not. He said anyone who is saying that is just lying. He said that it’s all magic there.

Howard took another call from a guy who said that he never cared one way or the other but now he’s intrigued by what’s going on. He said he’s recording everything he’s a part of now. He told him to keep on winning. Howard said he should copyright that ”Winning” thing he’s doing lately. Fred threw in the clip. Charlie said he was loving all of this.

Another caller said that Denise was on the show a couple of months ago and he asked if she was still giving it to Charlie. She said she’s not. He wanted to know if he’s still doing her. Charlie said that he’s not but he would if she wanted to. He said she still looks amazing. Howard said it must have been amazing the first time he was with her. He said she’s out of control sexually but he didn’t want to give away too much. He said she’s as into it as he is and that’s what makes it real. He said that it’s all epic.

Howard said he hopes that he gets his show back. Charlie said that hope is for suckers and fools. He’s going to get his show back.

Howard said that he’s going to put a call into Chuck today and he’s going to see if he can get them on the show tomorrow. He said maybe he can mediate it in some way. Charlie said he’s available 24/7 so he’s up for that. Howard said he’ll have Gary work on that now. Charlie said Howard is awesome and thanked him for that.

Ralph called in and asked if he could move in with him for just a week. Ralph said he’s living the life. Charlie asked how that helps him. Ralph said he doesn’t know. Ralph said that he shouldn’t live in the Valley. Charlie said that it’s not in the valley, it’s just close. He said he can see Sherman Oaks so he calls it Sherman Oaks.

Ralph said that this is great and no one is going to avoid this show when it comes back. Charlie said that he really appreciates ”Everybody Loves Raymond” because that show made their show.

Howard said that their beef is with this Chaim (Chuck) Lorre. Howard said that Mel Gibson must have loved that he called him out on that. Charlie and Howard spent a couple more minutes talking. Howard asked him about Sean Penn and how he’s his buddy. Charlie talked about how great the guy is for all of the parts he’s played and for the movie’s he’s directed.

Howard told Charlie he should help Mel Gibson out and get him laid. Charlie said that’s not up to him. He said he knows nothing about that. Howard asked if he ever watches gay porn. He said he doesn’t watch that unless he sees it as he walks by a room or something.

Howard said that Ralph is the guy who crashes at John Stamos’ house. Ralph said Stamos has nothing like this going on. Charlie said that if Stamos replaces him then they’re going to get what they deserve. He doesn’t think that he can replace him. He thinks that people would revolt. Howard asked if he ever watches porn on the web. Charlie said it’s too grainy. He said that he prefers DVD apparently. Howard said they’ll have to get together and hang sometime. Charlie said it sounds Epic to him. Howard let him go after that.

Ralph said that Charlie is Epic. Howard said that was Charlie Sheen for 45 minutes. Robin said that he doesn’t sound that crazy. Howard said he sounded kind of rational this morning. Howard asked Fred what he thinks. Fred said he thinks that he’s painting it all in his own light and some of the things are being swept under the rug. Howard said Fred isn’t going to Charlie’s house. Fred said that he wouldn’t want to go because he wouldn’t want to see his self destruction.