Sal takes his wife to Vegas…and then tells her they’re really there for a porn shoot. Sal’s recollections of that weekend follows:
In all relationships, boredom and complacency will become inevitable. To fix these problems some seek counseling, some go on vacation, some self medicate. Me? When my marriage gets boring? I surprise my suburban housewife by bringing her to a live porn set! Some say I’m crazy and I would agree, but what would happen next would will shock the shit out of you.
So the director (Vic Lagina) and I pick up Christine at the airport., We make her aware sex will be going on but (unless she wants one) there won’t be a camera on her. I was expecting her to be disgusted yet she very causally said “maybe”. Hmmm..maybe the joke was on me?
We arrive on set and as I walk in the house I’m greeted by the smell of onions, now I’ve seen a lot of crazy porn in my life so the smell of onions was much more refreshing vs let’s say..fecal matter?
So I decide to grab a sandwich off the table and as my hand approaches my mouth my wrist is grabbed with a loud smack and as I turn my head it’s my wife who snarls at me “put that down, how could you possibly eat anything here” I reply. “I’m hungry” and I chomp away. Considering where I was, if I caught food poisoning that would be the least of my problems.
Everyone is clothed and very polite, one Spanish man is watching a TUPAC documentary on a computer, two girls are applying makeup causally dressed in sweats and then there’s one man who approaches us and tells Christine he loved it when she shot me in the ass with a paintball gun. She’s somewhat flattered and thinks he’s a nice guy.
She even snapped a picture with him. Little did she know his name was VOODOO and within 15 minutes she would be passing him by the pool only to see him drop his pants, whip out his fire hydrant sized c**k, and start stroking it to get it stiff for the shoot. She was quite surprised, I laughed my ass off.
So the shoot begins and my wife decides to read a book “50 shades of Grey” and stay secluded in the directors tent and out of view.
I pass a girl whose laying on a lounge chair and say hello, before she says hello back she asks “can I see your test papers”
Fortunately I had no reason to have test work because I’m not a porn star, unfortunately she was so hot I wish I had some sort of proof because she didn’t know any better. Just kidding..I’m married!
The shoot starts, the sex gets out of control, and I’m loving it. Legs are flying in the air, girls are gagging on cocks, my wife is gagging at the site of it and I’m gagging from laughter.
At one point Russian porn star Catia was getting pile driven. It was my job to do commentary, so being in the position that she was I asked the most logical question “Do you have a good chiropractor”
As the day progressed the director thought it might be fun to have the sexy “monster d***ed” Ramon approach Christine and make some small talk. I cringed at the thought of it and thought to myself, this is where things are going to get bad.
Editor’s note: this is where he worries things will get bad?
Well Ramon goes to say hello, and as Christine lifts her head from the book sees someone waving at her. But it ain’t Ramon, it’s his baby arm d**k! How does she react? With a pleasant smile! Wtf? Was this a different side of my wife that I have never seen? Perhaps, or maybe the site of Ramons cock just cant help any woman from smiling!
After Ramon greets my wife and gives her these warm fuzzy feelings she decides to put the book down and observe the live sex! She’s smiling, laughing, and taking pictures! She loved it! And to top it all off we had the best sex ever that night!
So like I said, In all relationships, boredom and complacency will become inevitable. How did I fix my problem? With a wild porn shoot, fifty shades of grey, a few monstrous c**ks and..of course..lot’s of booze! Thanks Brazzers.com