Artie Lange for next Mayor of Hoboken, New Jersey

An anonymous Artie Lange fan who refers to himself only as Bob Abouey has started a grass roots campaign to elect the Howard Stern Show co-host as the next Mayor of Hoboken, New Jersey. Hoboken’s recently elected Mayor Peter Cammarano served only 30 days in office before being he was arrested for participating in an international corruption scandal. A special election for the Mayor of Hoboken position is scheduled for this November.

On August 11th, Bob Abouey launched a press release announcing the Artie Lange for Mayor campaign. In addition to praising Artie Lange for his down-to-earth life approach,

Bob Abouey pointed to several other qualities that made him a good match for the Hoboken Mayor position:
A former longshoreman with a rap sheet should have no problem getting elected in Hoboken. It’s practically a requirement. The fact that he was All-County in high school is icing on the cake.

Abouey openly admits that the Artie Lange for Mayor campaign doesn’t have the official endorsement of the candidate himself. Artie Lange’s boss Howard Stern, however, is in full support of the campaign. The King of All Media suggested it would be a good opportunity for Lange to do some public service. Howard Stern also suggested that as his first order of business, Artie Lange could pardon himself for his recent DUI charge. And on top of it all, offered Stern as an additional selling point: “You could legalize heroin.

With Stern’s encouragement, Artie Lange took an on-air moment to contemplate his platform and then proudly announced:

I would legalize all drugs and tax the s— out of them,” said Lange. With Artie Lange as Mayor, it seems Hoboken would become a real life version of Amsterdam from Season 3 of The Wire.

And what Artie Lange do with all of that drug revenue? Police would get $200,000 a year and firemen would start at $150,000.

David Abrams gets to "Meet Howard Stern"

He’s the winner of the“Meet Howard Stern” auction on EBay to benefit the Holly Heisman Memorial Fund.  Last Wednesday night, Abrams made the winning bid of $10,601 for the privilege of sitting in on a live broadcast of  The Howard Stern Show.

David Abrams is a 35-year-old video game website owner currently living in Tokyo with his wife and son.  Abrams, who says he’s been listening to Howard Stern for 20 years, says he literally won the auction in the final second:

“Like most experienced eBayers, I wanted to bid at the very end of the auction,” said Abrams. “When the auction got down to 3 minutes left, I started to get big time butterflies in my stomach because I really felt like I had a chance to win. The plan was to put my bid in with 15 seconds left, but I almost missed out altogether because I forgot to login ahead of time! I literally got my bid in with 1 second left.”

Abrams was planning to visit family in New York at the end of the month and hopes to cash in his “Meet Howard Stern” voucher then.  He couldn’t be more pleased about the chance to mingle with radio’s most notorious and beloved band of social misfits

“Howard is one of the greatest performers of all time and has provided me with an incredible amount of entertainment over most of my adult life.  The opportunity to see him and the gang in action is such an exciting and rare experience, I just want to take it all in.”

Beth joining Dancing with the Stars?

While fans of ABC’s Dancing with the Stars wait with bated breath for the announcement of the “celebrities” scheduled to cut a rug for the upcoming ninth season, gossip speculators are going wild trying to predict what B-listers will take the dance floor this time around. With names like Sherri Shepherd, LaToya Jackson and Paula Abdul being bandied about as possibilities, those with their finger on the pulse of the celebrity buzz scene may be overlooking one very attractive prospect: Mrs. Howard Stern.

Howard Stern has said that his wife/model/entertainment correspondent/animal activist/trophy “Beth O” will be traveling to Los Angeles next month to participate in a televised reality show in some capacity, but the King of All Media is keeping quiet on the details. Although Howard Stern has stated that Beth O is scheduled to be gone on her mysterious Hollywood mission for “about a month” (probably not long enough to be on Dancing with the Stars) some fans see the statement as the weakest of subterfuge.

Beth O’s imminent departure has been a hot topic on The Howard Stern Show, with many of Howard Stern’s cast members projecting that their leader will enter a cranky tailspin while his queen is away. The Sterns are fans of Dancing with the Stars, and Howard Stern regularly discusses the reality show on-air.

Howard Stern Collects $10,601 On Ebay.

A winning eBay bidder and one guest will be hanging out with Howard Stern in studio at The Howard Stern Show in New York. While the price of $10,601 (proceeds donated to charity) does not include travel or accommodations, it does offer a rather unique insiders view of the Howard Stern show.

The winner and their guest will spend approximately 1 hour in the studio. Because Howard Stern tapes without a studio audience. The winner will be amongst few who have ever sat in the room with the talent while a taping took place.

CNBC host blames Howard Stern for bankrupting (video)

Howard Stern and his band of gleeful misfits were back live on the air Monday morning after another long and torturous week for fans stuck in humorless traffic. The King of All Media wasted on Monday’s broadcast to respond to mudslinging he received from the mainstream media during his on-air absence.

Reuters reported last week that Sirius XM posted a quarterly net loss of about 1% last quarter, but also reported that the loss of subscribers for the quarter was lower than expected.

Instead of attributing the decrease in subscribers and revenue to the recession and huge drop in auto sales (which is where most satellite radio subscriptions are sold), CNBC’s Dennis Kneale blamed Howard Stern’s high price tag for Sirius XM’s financial woes.

After complimenting Sirius XM executive Mel Karmazin as a “great salesman,” Dennis Kneale went on to say: “…in the end, does it turn out they just overpaid for Howard Stern and they have too much debt? I wonder if John Malone bailed them out temporarily hoping that they kind of go belly-up so they can get a hold of those assets really cheap.”
If there’s anyone who’s used to getting no respect from the mainstream media, it’s Howard Stern. Still, the King of All Media took offense to Kneale’s characterization of him as a drain on Sirius XM’s resources. On Monday morning’s broadcast of The Howard Stern Show, Stern offered an alternate perspective on Sirius XM’s financial situation.

Howard Stern claims that it was the millions of subscribers that he and his team of grown-up juvenile delinquents brought to Sirius that brought XM satellite radio “to its knees” and forced the merger between the two satellite giants. Howard Stern also pointed out that during conference calls with Mel Karmazin, Karmazin always emphasizes that the only program on Sirius XM radio that’s paying for itself is The Howard Stern Show.
Despite the fact that Howard Stern has grown a pretty thick shell after three decades of abuse from the mainstream media, he still threw a minor hissy fit in response to Dennis Kneale’s accusation:

“Why does everyone HATE me?” barked Stern in frustration on Monday morning’s broadcast. Howard Stern and his sidekicks discussed the other significant costs on Sirius XM’s balance sheet. Sirius XM has had to pay major fees for Major League Baseball and other big name talent like Oprah Winfrey and Martha Stewart. Howard Stern pointed out that these other high cost channels aren’t bringing in anywhere near the level of revenue associated with The Howard Stern Show.

How did Artie lose all that weight? Down to 230 pounds.

The incredible shrinking Artie Lange reported this week that his weight is down somewhere “in the 230s.”  The talented but tormented co-host of The Howard Stern Show’s weight topped out around 300 pounds last year during a self-destructive tailspin that included wild eating and drinking binges and abuse of both heroin and Subutex, a drug designed to ease heroin withdrawals.

Six months ago, it looked like Artie Lange was on the express train to a Chris Farley style end.  Now, with a new, hot girlfriend he found in a New Jersey tanning salon and a newfound interest in jet skiing, Artie Lange seems to be back from the dead.

Yes, jet-skiing.  On Monday morning’s broadcast of The Howard Stern Show, Artie Lange attributed part of his weight loss to his new addiction to jet-skiing.  Apparently, it’s not as crazy as it sounds.  Jet skiing for an hour is reported to burn 460 calories for a person weighing 145 pounds, and even more for a heftier comedian-type rider.

Artie Lange says to lose another 30 pounds to get down to his goal weight of 200, he plans to “get serious” with regular trips to the gym. new and improved.

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The Howard Stern Show Podcast

Ari Shaffir goes off on Stern, Howard Responds

Howard’s Thoughts On Podcasts. (03/11/2015)

After the break, Howard said he has audio of a guy bashing him on Joe Rogan’s podcast. Howard said that the guy is angry at him for saying that podcasts are bullshit. Howard said that the guy is hurt that he said they’re no good. Howard said they’re fine if you want to make them. Howard said if you want to make money you have to put yourself to the test. Howard said if you want to be a comedian you have to go to a club. He said you can do it in your bedroom but if you want to make money you have to go out and do it. Howard said you have to go on terrestrial radio to have a radio career. Howard said this guy was pissing and moaning because he’s 41 and he has no life. Howard said Joe was being nice to him and said ”Howard is a great broadcaster…” and stuff like that. Howard said he’s learned a lot in his career. He said that you have to start out in a small market and go from there. Howard said everyone has a podcast and no one knows how to broadcast.

Howard said the only way you can be a comic is if you go to a club and make people laugh. Howard said if you sit in your room and do a podcast you’re pretending to be a broadcaster. Howard said this guy was saying that he’s old now. Howard said that’s fine but this guy is 41 and no one knows who he is. Howard said no one is going to hear this guy. Howard said it’s like hearing a street performing giving advice to Paul McCartney. Howard said that people hate to hear the truth. Howard said they hate to work. Howard said they want to go in a room and make up a broadcast. Howard said podcasts are fun. He said that’s fine. He said you can put them on your website so no one can hear it. Howard said he should have this guy on and just yell at him.

Howard asked Gary what the guy’s name is. Gary said it’s Ari Shaffir. Howard said this guy is on yelling about how old he is and meanwhile he’s 41 and no one knows how he is. Howard said he must do stand up on his podcasts so he doesn’t have to go to a club. Robin asked why he cares what his opinion is. Howard said the guy was saying that AGT is bullshit too. Howard said maybe he should go on there to get some notoriety. Howard said the guy is a douche bag.

Howard said when he gets the tape he’ll play it for Robin. Howard said you’d think he was Jerry Seinfeld or Chris Rock or something. Howard said the guy hasn’t figured it out. Howard said Ari was saying that he is calling everyone with a podcast a loser. Howard said he is. He said it’s fine to have fun with a podcast but you’re not making money doing it. Howard said Rush Limbaugh put himself on a station and waited for the ratings to come in. Howard said that’s the scariest thing to do. Howard said this guy was saying that he has to learn to talk up a radio. Howard said he didn’t say that. He said he will never have to do that because he’ll never be a broadcaster. Howard said this is how it worked when he started and that’s how it works today.

Howard said this is such a stupid argument. Howard had some clips from the Joe Rogan podcast. Ari was saying that Howard says that podcasts are for losers. Howard said he never said that. He said he’s just calling this guy a loser. He said he’d probably reach more people yelling out his window. Ari said something about Howard saying you have to know how to bring it to an ”act break.” Howard said he never said that. Robin said Howard was talking to Elisa about trying to jump-start her career. Howard said the only way you can have a career, making money, is to do it professionally. Howard said this guy is 41 years old and he’s never heard of him until now. Howard said he can podcast all he wants. He said there are only a handful of guys who have gotten the audience he has. Howard said he has millions of people listening to him. He said making money must be old fashioned too. Howard said this guy can just go talk into his digital recorder.

Howard played a clip of Ari talking about how Adam Carolla shouldn’t be in podcasting. Howard said, of course, he doesn’t. Ari said Howard is commenting on things he doesn’t know about. Joe Rogan was saying that he thinks Howard was fucking with people. Ari said that AGT is a garbage show too. Howard asked what show Ari is on. Howard said he’d like to know what show he’s on. Howard said he’d love to see this guy’s stand up. He said he’d like to see if he places in the top 5. Howard said he hopes everyone does podcasts. Howard said that would leave him at number 1.

Howard said Elisa is trying to get into it now. Benjy said she’s making money already. Howard said that’s good but he’s not talking to him now. He said he’ll get to him later. Howard said if she made money it’s because of his audience. Howard said if Ari makes money it’s because he’s bringing him attention. Howard said he hopes Ari makes money doing it too. Howard said he has no animosity toward him. Howard said he has had a 40-something year career and people still listen to him. Howard said he’s so irrelevant that people still listen to him. Howard said at 40 he was syndicated across the country and he was the most successful broadcaster in the world. Howard said at 41 Ari is yelling at him on a podcast. He said no one knows how he is and no one goes to see his comedy. Howard said his advice is right because he must think that it’s good to stay at home and do comedy. Howard said he can sit home pretending he’s broadcasting.

Howard said this guy sounds ignorant. Howard said he just got word that Madonna cancelled and wants to do the Ari podcast. Howard said the podcasters all do each other’s podcasts. Howard said if he were Ari he’d end it and go into selling shoes. Howard said he’d do something else if he was 41 and no one knew his name in stand up. Howard said no one knows who he is. Howard said on his next podcast he’s going to give Letterman advice on what to do. Howard said Letterman wasted all of his time with his show. Howard said it’s so old-fashioned making money doing your job. Howard said that’s what he’s talking about.

Howard took a call from a guy and said he hopes he’s not boring him. Howard said that he is looking forward to talking to Madonna today. He said she had to go out and beg people to play her records. The caller said he could do a podcast right now. He said he could record it in his room. Howard said Ari says you don’t have to do it in public. Howard said the only way to do it professionally is to go out and do it on real radio. Howard said he invites Ari in to argue to his face. Howard said at least Joe looked at him like he was bizarre. The caller said Joe is a good comedian. Howard said Joe has been on TV and he’s done stand up. He said he has put out records and goes on tour in front of people. The caller said that if Howard did a podcast it would be different. Howard said he has an audience so it’s a different thing. Howard said there isn’t a way to get an audience if you don’t do it on radio first. Howard said he just got word that Ari is doing a special show on CB radio for those who have it.

Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ari was talking shit about Adam Carolla too. Howard said Adam had a following. He said Adam followed the model that he’s talking about. Howard said he was tested and had to go in front of an audience. The caller said Ari is a piece of shit. Howard said he’s not going to go that far. He said he’d be frustrated if he was 41 and he’s in a business where no one knows his name. Howard said he knows a ton of guys like that in radio. He said they gave it their best try and no one knows who they are.

Howard said he gets podcasts. He said if he wants to learn about playing chess he can do that. He said there are 7 people listening and that’s fine. Howard said maybe Ari is a funny guy. Probably not but maybe. Robin said he has put out a couple of movies and he’s been on Comedy Central. Howard said he’s lighting the world on fire. Howard said go see him. Robin said he is confused about what Howard was saying. Howard said he can listen back to this and go on Joe’s show again. He guarantees Joe has more listeners than Ari does.