For those who were there, it was like the Super Bowl without the bother of football.
For listeners of the Howard Stern Birthday Bash that aired live Friday on SiriusXM radio, it was like the Golden Globes without the distraction of awards, but with Stern, lots of merry-making celebs, and at least as much free-flowing booze.
Civilian Stern fans joined tribute-paying glitterati like Robert Downey, Jr., Bryan Cranston, Sarah Silverman, Lena Dunham, Ryan Phillippe, Heidi Klum, Fred Armisen, Rosie O’Donnell and Katie Couric at Manhattan’s Hammerstein Ballroom.
Even New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was on hand, taking a brief respite from the political retribution scandal that has engulfed his administration to wish Stern a happy birthday. He reminded everyone who plans to be at Sunday’s Super Bowl that, to get there, they will “have to go to the right side of the (Hudson) river.”
Howard came back and had Jewel sitting in. Howard said he and Jewel did the Tonight Show together once. Jewel said that was around the time that Howard’s movie was out. Howard said he asked her to come out to the movie premiere back then but he thought that her mother put a stop to that. She said that she was the one who decided not to go.
Howard said that he and Jewel were back stage at the Tonight Show and Jewel turned to James Carville and yelled at him to stop staring at her tits. Jewel said Howard was very nice and intelligent and not staring at her boobs. She said that Carville was staring a hole in them so she turned to him and told him that she knows they’re big but he doesn’t have to stare.
Howard said Carville turned to him and said that he swore he wasn’t staring at her boobs. He was really embarrassed. Howard said he really wasn’t staring at her boobs. He’s not really a tit guy. He said he doesn’t really care about breasts that much.
Howard said that he was on the air talking about what song Jewel should do on the show and they came up with ”Needle and the Damage Done” and it turns out she covers that song. She said that was one of the first songs she ever did. Jewel said that she and her dad used to go out performing in bars together.
Howard asked Jewel about her parents splitting up when she was 8. She said that happened and then she’d go out with her father performing at bars. She said that there were some really creepy guys that she’d meet out at the bars.
Jewel said it was actually her mom who split on the family. She said they fought a lot when they were growing up. Jewel asked Howard if he’s Barbara Walters or something. Howard said he was just trying to learn about her life. Howard asked about her father taking over and taking care of the kids. She said that she has two brothers, one older and one younger. Howard said that it must have been tough. She said it was and she moved out when she was just 15.
Howard asked if she had to bathe in a river. Jewel said they used the creek for water and that is true. She said that they had to live off the land but it worked for them. She said that’s the good part of this country that you can live off the land if you are poor.
Jewel told Howard that she found the poverty thing empowering to her. Howard asked if she holds on to every penny now because of that. Jewel said she doesn’t want to go back to that life and she likes that she can buy medication now when she needs it. She said she had some experiences when she was younger and it has relieved a lot of stress now.
Howard asked how long she’d go without bathing. She said she would take sponge baths and stuff like that. She said they had a sauna that they would use too.
Howard asked if she had a lot of anger in her over her mother. She said that kind of stuff might help with her song writing. Howard asked if her father had to teach her how to use a tampon. She laughed and asked Howard if his father taught him. Howard said he never even learned to wipe properly so he had an anal fissure.
Howard asked Jewel about her mom and what she remembered about her. Jewel’s mom came back into her life so Howard wondered why she would let that happen. Jewel said that it was complicated. Jewel said she wanted to trust someone and your parents are the people that you trust. Howard said that Jewel’s parents used to follow her on the road too. Jewel said that she used to have men chasing her around too and she thinks that’s just the way men are and it wasn’t because of the way she looked.
Jewel said that she learned not to drink because she saw what women would do in the bars. She said that she learned about herself and she did have to deal with a lot of predators. She said she had a guy who wanted to take her head shots in a store one time. She said she didn’t like the guy that was taking the pictures and it shows. She said it turns out the guy was caught for child prostitution a year later. Howard said that’s weird that her parents would let her go out in a car alone with a guy like that.
Jewel said she had a guitar player trying to kiss her when she was just 14 years old too. She said that you get scared when gross guys say things to you. She said that happened to her for so many years that she got used to it. She said that in general guys are good but there are some gross people out there.
Howard asked Jewel what a guy has to do to win her trust. He said it must take a while before she’ll even let a guy feel her up. She said that she has learned to trust some people instantly with her good instincts. Howard asked how long she made this guy she’s with now wait. Jewel was just laughing. Howard said that Beth let him in within two weeks or so. Howard said he read that Jewel let the guy into her pants 2 months in. She said they actually talked on the phone for 8 months. She said that she went out on a date eventually at a rodeo. Howard said the guy seems very manly. Jewel said he’s a real guy and there’s nothing phony about him at all. She said that most people will burn you. She said having someone to rely on is really meaningful.
Jewel asked Howard if he thinks that a lot of women dated him when he was single for his money. Howard said he thinks that some of them may have but there were some who he thinks liked him. Howard said he had some hot women when he was young but some of them may have been mental.
Howard said he doesn’t understand how Jewel got homeless. She said she moved out when she was 15 and she had some various jobs. She said that she was taking dance lessons from this instructor and he saw her singing and that helped her out. Howard asked if she ever thought about trying to get jobs based on her good looks. Jewel didn’t think she was that good looking. Howard said she has to be kidding. Howard said she’s very good looking and she could have gotten some modeling work or something.
Jewel said after she graduated high school she said she had a boss who offered her money to sleep with him. She said that she went to get her pay check after turning him down and he pretended that she was a ghost and didn’t give it to her. Jewel said that one thing led to another and she was homeless. Jewel said that she needed to take a shower and one of the musicians let her take a shower. She said there were other girls hanging out and there were strippers and call girls there. They tried to convert her but she didn’t ever fall into that. She said that she was a singer and she started writing songs. If she didn’t have that then it would have been really hard.
Jewel said that she did shop lift some stuff to eat. She said she started off with carrots and that is like the gateway vegetable because that led to more. She said that she wanted to steal a dress one time and it was like $39 and then she realized that she was cheating herself and she never stole anything after that. Jewel said that she turned to her writing and that let to her writing a song about that. Howard told Gary to check the green room to make sure she didn’t steal anything.
Howard asked Jewel when she lost her virginity. She didn’t want to remember but she said the guy was a jerk. She said it wasn’t anything terrible. She said that she’d hope for something better for her daughter.
Howard said he gets the feeling that Jewel doesn’t have orgasms. He said he can’t tell if she’s loose or if she’s uptight about stuff. Jewel said she read a lot of books to try and figure out how she wanted to grow up. She said she learned she didn’t want to be with an abusive guy and that led her to being where she is now. Jewel said she knows she can make it on her own so she’s okay with leaving someone if she has to.
Howard asked Jewel how she became so proficient at the guitar. Jewel said she went to a school where she wasn’t allowed to stay during spring break so she went hopping trains and stuff. She said she learned four chords and started improvising lyrics about what she was seeing around her. She ended up going around the county and to Mexico and that led to her writing her first song ”Who Will Save Your Soul.”
Howard asked Jewel to perform ”Needle and the Damage Done” for them. Howard said he loves Neil Young and this song wrecks him every time. Jewel asked if it was because of Artie. Howard said he’s always liked the song and it wasn’t Artie or even the heroin part of the song. He said that he likes to save people and not just drug addicts. Howard asked her what attracted her to the song. Jewel said she identifies with the misfits in a way. She feels bonded to them. She went into the song a short time later.
Howard liked the song and said that he heard she has like 500 songs in her head that she hasn’t written. Jewel said it’s tough to get songs out the way the song writing process and album making process goes.
Howard asked Jewel about how her grandfather taught her how to yodel. She demonstrated some of that for Howard. Howard told Robin to do it but Robin just said ”what?”
Howard asked Jewel about working with Neil Young and she said that she used to kick people out of his shows when she’d open for him. She said that Neil loved it when she would do that.
Jewel said that Neil kept to himself most of the time but she said that he has said some funny stuff to her. Howard asked if Neil ever came on to her. She said that he never did. Jewel said she had a dream to open for Bob Dylan when she was 16 and she dreamt that he came on to her which grossed her out. She said that she went out on tour with him and she was told that Bob never spoke to any opening act and didn’t want to talk to them. Then a couple of weeks later she was asked to go meet Bob and he was very nice to her. She said it wasn’t like her dream.
Howard asked Jewel if anyone has been really horrible to work with. She said there was one rascally old fellow but she didn’t want to say who it was.
Howard said Jewel did a pop album a few years ago and he didn’t think that was her thing. Howard said he likes her sound but he didn’t think that it was her thing. He said she’s got a new album coming out called ”Sweet and Wild.” He gave her some plugs for that and for her web site JewelJK.com.
Howard asked Jewel if she had any new songs she could do. She said she has one that she can do. She ended up talking about how she and her husband are trying to have a baby so Howard tried to get more information about that out of her. She said that she’s not talking about that.
Howard asked if she’s religious. Jewel said she’s spiritual but not really religious. Howard said she must believe in God. She said she does. Howard said that she must think that because these songs just flow through her. Jewel said that if you don’t judge it then it will just keep flowing. Howard asked if she has to perfect her songs. She said that she likes to do the songs live. She said she’ll start working it out on the road. She just wrote one a couple of days ago that she’ll be working on. Howard asked to hear some of that. Jewel sang a little bit of that song for him. She didn’t even have all of the lyrics worked out yet. Howard said it was a beautiful song though.
Howard asked if she plays for her husband or does she like to do it alone. She said she’ll write while her husband is watching TV. Howard asked if he’ll get upset with her about that. She said that the novelty may have worn off a while ago. Howard said he imagines her nude and singing after making love. Howard said he can imagine that. Jewel asked if he thinks she would sing ”You’re amazing honey.” Howard said that’s what he was thinking.
Howard asked Jewel if guys were intimidated by her when they dated her. He said he thinks he could handle her career. Jewel said that she and her husband can’t imagine being jealous of their careers. She said her husband was the winningest bull rider in history. She said that he’s retired from that now but he’s the head of some bull riding group. Jewel said that his thing is to grab people around their esophagus. She said that he’s never like that with her. She said he hates people who are disrespectful.
Howard asked if she loves having a man who can do that. She said she does like a man like that but he’s not overly hot headed.
Howard said he didn’t like it when she dated Sean Penn. Howard said Sean saw her on Conan and felt a connection to her. She said he had her write a song for a movie he did. She said that he was great for her and he was very supportive. She said they dated for just shy of a year. Howard said that she made love to Sean Penn. He asked what broke them up. She said he as older than her and it just wasn’t for her. Howard asked Jewel about dating some other guys. She said that some of them were wrong.
Howard asked Jewel what song she was going to perform from her new album. She was going to do one about a fight she and her husband had gotten into and that led to Howard talking about how he and Beth rarely fight. He did have a fight with her over Beth getting a massage from a guy once. He said he locked himself in the bathroom over that.
Howard asked what this fight was about. Jewel said she’s not sure what the fight was about. It was just something silly. Jewel then broke into her song ”Ten.”
After the song Howard told her she’s an angel on Earth. She told him to stop. Howard said that she must have enough money to be set for life. She said that she is. She said that the record business is tough right now though. She said that she saved her money early on and she’s wanted to experiment over the years and it’s been good. Howard asked if she knows how to bust balls with the crew. She said that she works very hard and she expects that from her people but she doesn’t think that she busts balls.
Howard asked Jewel if she’s ever been with ugly guys before. She said that she probably has but she had to have had some attraction to them to date them. Howard asked who the ugliest guy was but she didn’t have an answer.
Howard asked Jewel if she works out to stay in shape. She said she does work out. Howard told her she seems like a really nice woman. He said that he can’t believe that anyone can make money bull riding. Jewel said that he was the first cowboy to have an agent and he was the one who started the PBR which is the professional bull riding group that he’s the head of. She said that they’re making a lot of money doing that. She said that the cowboys and the people who started the PBR are all doing very well.
Howard asked about the bull riding and Jewel told Howard how they do it. She said that her first date with her husband was at a rodeo. Howard asked what she was doing there. She said that she had a night off so she went to a rodeo. Howard asked how they divvy up the money. She said they share expenses and stuff. they have a joint bank account that they contribute to. Jewel asked Howard how he does it. Howard said ”Well… I pay for everything.” Howard said he thinks that’s fair.
Howard asked Jewel if she thinks that her marriage will last forever. She said she thinks it will. Jewel said her husband puts 110 percent into everything and he wouldn’t have married her if he wasn’t into it. Howard said that you never know, he could end up like Jesse James dating some tattoo head.
Jewel said she’s a big fan of Howard’s show and she’s very happy for him. She said it’s an amazing thing that he built. Jewel said that in the 90s she was going around to radio stations and everyone was trying to be Howard but they didn’t have the clever finesse that Howard has. She said that she would be provoked and she’d go after these guys. Jewel said that she had one guy making fun of her teeth and she’d point out that one guy was bald. There was another guy who kicked her off the air after she bad mouthed the guy when he introduced her in a way that upset her.
Howard asked Jewel if her boobs are really that big. She said they’re really not. He said he couldn’t really see them but he figured they weren’t even D’s. Howard told her that Robin is a double G but Robin said it was just a G. Howard asked Jewel if she’s ever heard of that. Jewel said that is pretty big. Howard said he thinks that Jewel is perfectly proportioned. Jewel thanked him for that. Howard asked if she will walk around the house naked. She said it depends on how she’s feeling about herself. She said that there are times when she’ll slide out of the bed into her robe and others when she’ll take a few strides before doing it. Howard said he backs out of the room so Beth won’t see his cellulite ass.
Jewel said that she’s giving away some tickets to people who have money problems. She said you can follow her on Twitter at @jeweljk to find out how to win the free tickets. Howard gave Jewel some more plugs and then wrapped up and went to break.