Howard came back and said it was time to meet ”The Situation.” Howard said that he’s on MTV and a big star now. Howard said the guy has it all going on. Gary almost messed up his hair when he put on the headphones. Mike said that he had no regard for his hair at all.
Howard said he thought Mike was taller than he is. Mike said he’s about 5’11”. He said that he started working out when he was 16 and it was mainly for chicks. He said he didn’t care about his weight and it was all about what he looked like in the mirror. Howard said he runs but he’s got no muscle. He said he does lifting and he can only bench about 95 pounds. Mike laughed at him and almost fell off the couch.
Mike told Howard to do cardio and also do weight training. He said that he has to do an hour a day for different body parts.
Howard asked Mike if he grew up in Jersey. He said he was born in Staten Island but he moved to Jersey when he was 9. He told Howard he was a mortgage broker after going to college. He said he went to a community college and then went to Monmouth university. He said that he had dreams to be a star but he didn’t act on them until the market crashed and he had no job.
Howard asked if Mike’s parents were together. He said that they had just split up around that time. He said he had a good childhood. Howard said it sounds like he was leading a normal life until this show came around.
Mike said he was wondering what to do with his lief and his parents were saying he was a disgrace. He said he had to move back home when he lost his house. Mike said he was somewhat popular with the ladies in school. He said people told him about his great abs and he should have done something with them. He said that he had a girl take a picture of him and he sent them in to a modeling agency and he got some work. He said he did some underwear modeling for 2 weeks and then he got noticed and got a call for a VH-1 pilot. He said that was after just 2 weeks.
Howard asked Mike if they assumed he was gay because he was modeling underwear. Mike said it was kind of uncomfortable for him because the photographers would want to adjust his stuff for him and they’d approach him like they were going to do it. He said he would just tell them to back off and let him take care of it.
Howard asked Mike what you do with your cock when you model underwear. Mike said that you have to adjust it so it looks right in the pictures. He said that he would adjust it himself and he would think that maybe that job wasn’t for him. Howard said he must have a big one. Mike said he thinks he’s pretty well ”situated.” Howard asked how many inches he is. Mike said he’s above average. Mike said he’s not 9 inches. He said it’s bigger than 6 though. Howard asked if he has measured it. Mike said he’d be honest with him (again) and he hasn’t measured it in a long time. He said that he’s around 7 1/2 or somewhere around there.
Howard asked Mike about getting this pilot and what his parents thought about that. He said it wasn’t clear that he show was going to be a success. He said that he had no idea how it was going to work out. Mike said that the whole story is like a fairy tale. He said his parents wanted him to get a career and that looked like a waste of time. He said his father had him trying to become a cop or a fire fighter. He said his father was ready to put him in the military.
Howard said Mike confuses him because he’s so manly but he won’t put on his headphones. Mike said that his appearance is very important and Gary mushed his head. Howard asked if he shaves his balls and cock. Mike said that he shaves off his body hair. He said he’s very up on his hygiene and he’s very clean so that’s why he does that. He said he’s just well groomed. Howard asked if he has hairs coming out of his shaft. Howard said he has that problem. Mike wasn’t sure about that. Howard explained how he had hairs coming out of the middle of his shaft. He said he clips them a little but you still see some on there. Mike said he just shaves the whole thing. Howard asked how he does that without cutting himself. Mike said he just does. Howard asked Mike if he shaves inside his asshole. Mike said he doesn’t go that way.
Howard asked Mike more about the pilot he did. Mike said it took 6 months until they green lighted that pilot. He said his parents wanted him to go back to life after doing the pilot. He said they didn’t think the TV show thing was going to work out.
Howard asked what kind of money he got paid to be in an underwear ad. He said he never really booked any work. He was going to ”go sees” where he would go meet with different companies. Then he got the pilot for Jersey Shore.
Howard said he thought that the group knew each other but it turns out they were just thrown into the group. Mike said they did a pilot that was different than the Jersey Shore. He said MTV revamped the show and cast it with the rest of the people on the show. Mike said that he was the only one from the pilot that they kept. He said that if he didn’t do good then maybe there wouldn’t have been a show at all.
Howard said he only knows Mike and Snooki from the show. He asked if there are any resentments in the show between the cast. Mike said he supports the cast in anything they do and he hopes they’d do the same for him. He said his goal was to just get in the door. Mike said he would like to do other things too. He said he’s been offered various endorsements and things. Mike said he’s trying to make the right decisions right now. He said he’s had an unbelievable year so far. Howard said he read that he’s making between $5-10 million. Mike said that those are the estimates out there.
Howard said it seems like Mike is doing very well with the show and making about $750,000 from the season of the show. Mike said he thinks the first season was very, very low. He said that he’s not sure he can even talk about that.
Howard asked Mike if he’s pushed to do things he normally wouldn’t do on camera. Mike said they let you just be yourself. He said that they have the cameras on you 24/7 so you have to do something to not seem boring. He said that’s where GTL came from. That’s Gym Tan Laundry and he has that on clothing and has it trademarked. He said he has an iPhone app for that. He said it’s the number one app on entertainment in iTunes.
Howard asked Mike about his appearance fees. He gets big money to just go and shake hands and sign autographs. Howard said he’s making some good money. Mike said he’s having a good time. Howard asked how many chicks he’s getting. Mike said he has to watch himself these days. He said he’s a target now so he has to be careful.
Howard asked Mike about the girls he dates and if he has to ditch them if they start calling him ”The Situation” instead of Mike. He said that some girls start talking about other guys they’ve been with and he has to get rid of them when that happens. Mike said he’d like to date but it’s tough right now because he’s so busy.
Howard asked Mike if he would fuck Lady Gaga. Mike said there are just some things that he wouldn’t do. Howard asked if he would fuck Snooki. Mike didn’t get a chance to answer. Howard said there’s no way he’d fuck her. Mike said he likes her like a sister. Howard said she walks around like her shit doesn’t stink. Mike said she’s got some talent and she just needs to channel it in a different way.
Howard asked Mike if he’s seen Snooki naked. He said he has. Mike said that sometimes people will run out of the shower or things like that. Howard asked what her vagine looks like. Mike said he didn’t see her like that.
Mike said he and Snooki have kissed. He said he has a certain attraction to her. Howard asked if he saw her clit. Mike said he doesn’t remember.
Howard asked when he last got laid. mike said it was probably at an event. Howard asked if he can’t remember because he’s getting so much. Mike said it was actually out in Vegas. Mike said women will come up to him and say they’re ”DTF” which means they’re Down To Fuck. Howard said he’s never had anyone tell him that. Mike said he trademarks all of those lines that he comes up with.
Howard asked Mike about how the girls looked. Mike said that the girls he met were like 8s and they just came up to him and said that they were DTF. Howard said that’s hard to believe.
Howard said he had a girl come up to him and said ”DTM.” Mike didn’t know what that meant. Howard said he thinks it means ”Don’t Touch Me.” Mike said he had never heard that one. He rattled off a bunch of other ones that he had come up with himself.
Howard asked mike about the girls he met in Vegas. He said that they had some of his Devotion Vodka out there and that’s his own Vodka brand. Mike said he has a book out now called ”Here’s the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore” and he has a lot of this stuff in there.
Howard asked for more details about the girls in Vegas. Mike went through that story and told Howard how he had about 20 girls in the room and how he would eliminate them. He said that some of the girls would try to take photos and then he kicks them out. He said he usually takes their cell phones away before they get in the room. Mike said that he once had a girl recording a discussion they were having. He said he just kicked her out of the room in a nice way so he didn’t get her mad at him. He didn’t want her turning on him if he had.
Mike told Howard he got it down to 3 girls and they were all laying down talking about getting down. He said one girl asked for some porn or something and he was up for that. Mike said it was all very casual and he’s being pretty honest at this point. Mike said he runs his own company so he was on the computer the whole time. Mike said he put the laptop down and one chick said she wanted to have a three or foursome but her friend was downstairs crying or something. That got it down to two girls and that’s when the game began. Mike said that the chicks were pretty creative.
Howard asked Mike about being on Dancing With the Stars. They spent a little time talking about that. Howard asked how long he lasted with the two girls in Vegas. Mike said it didn’t last as long as he would have liked. He said he had to get going. Howard asked if he CTF. Mike didn’t know what that was. Howard said it was ”Cum On Their Face.”
Howard had JD come in and talk about what his problem with Mike is. JD said he’s part of the problem with TV. He said that they get famous for acting like assholes on TV. He said he just doesn’t get it. Howard said that’s how he made his career. Mike asked JD what he does that’s so special. Howard said he watches TV for him. Mike thinks that he’s just bitter. He said when you hate on people you forget your own goals and you’re just a hater. JD said that’s fine, he’s a hater.
Howard told JD that Mike gets girls and he’s telling JD that he should shave that beard. JD told him he knows all of his problems and he doesn’t need him telling him anything. Mike had his book there and he wanted to give him a copy. He wanted to get him ”situated.” Howard said that JD’s name before he met Mike was ”The Shitty Situation.” Howard told JD that Mike didn’t do anything wrong. JD said he’d rather not be near this guy and he doesn’t want anything to do with that.
Gary said that JD is sort of famous. He said that he fucked a porn star. Gary said he’s famous from being on Howard’s reality show. JD said they don’t come up with fake situations on Howard’s show. They do that on these other reality shows.
Ralph called in and told JD to tell Mike how he couldn’t get it up. JD said he got it up. Howard said JD is dating a stripper. JD said it’s been a couple of weeks since he did that. Mike said that these haters don’t even phase him. He said that he doesn’t even look in the rear view because he’s passing them so fast.
Ralph called in and said that he and JD talk about Big Brother all the time over text. JD said there’s a competition there in that show. He said that’s not what The Jersey shore is like. JD said he’d like to leave. He said he knows he was a nerd in high school. Mike told him to come back. He told JD that he’d like him to come to some of his classes to learn to better himself. JD said he didn’t want to hear that and walked out again. Mike said he could turn JD into a pimp. Howard said he thought he could too. Mike said they could do it together. He said they need to shave him down, tan him up and get him some new clothes and jewelry. Howard said his wife did that and JD won’t stay that way.
Mike said that he could better JD but he has to be willing. Howard said it’s not going to happen. Ralph doesn’t think that it’ll ever work. He said that JD is ABN – Always Be Nerd.
Mike said he’s got a big project coming out soon but he can’t talk about it right now. Howard said that Mike got to meet Beth the other night. He said that she’s kind of attracted to him. Mike didn’t think that was the case but Howard told him that she was telling him how much she liked him. He said she told him that he was very likeable in his interview.
JD came back in and said that he doesn’t want a makeover. Howard told JD that he could be getting major pussy. He said Mike is willing to help him out. Mike told JD that they have to change his shoes, get him some clothes and jewelry. He said he has his own line of jewelry. He said they’ll get him some gel for his hair and get him a modern hair cut. He said that there is hope for him. JD said he appreciates the effort but he’s turning him down. JD said he’s fine and wants to be left alone. Mike said that he could really help him but JD really doesn’t want it. Howard told JD to forget it then.
Mariann from Brooklyn came in and said that there’s a lot of hate out there and Mike is smart for doing what he did. Howard hunt up on her in the middle of a sentence. He said he couldn’t take it anymore.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Mike owes money on a Bentley that he’s not paying off. Mike said that’s not true and he doesn’t owe any money on that car.
High Pitch Eric called in and said that he thinks he could get more pussy than Mike. Mike said that’s good for him. Mike said he’s not a hater so that’s great for him. Eric wanted to have a competition but that’s not happening.
Howard gave Mike some more plugs and Mike said that you may see a show called Situation Inc. soon. He said that season 3 of Jersey Shore is coming out in January. He said they may be doing a 4th season next spring. They went over some of the many products that Mike has out there right now. He has even more stuff coming out.
Mike asked Howard if he thought he was cool. Howard said he thinks he’s wonderful. Howard said he’s out there being ”The Situation” and just having fun and not hurting anyone. Howard said they have like 7 million viewers out there and that’s amazing for a cable show. Howard said he likes that he named his stomach. He said that’s brilliant. Mike said that’s what he was told when he came up with it. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.