Interview with Artie Lange on Drugs, Stand Up and Stern

lange standup

EXPRESS: For those who haven’t read your book, can you tell us how you got hooked on heroin after kicking coke?
» LANGE: I fell into it on the road one day, as I documented in my book. A comedy club manager in a certain city, I told [him] I was taking a lot of pain killers to deal with the shitty plane rides and hotels, and somehow getting back to work on Monday morning at 6 [a.m.] — which every comic I worked with on the road told me they didn’t know how I did that. I dunno how I’ve done it either; I’ve done it for almost a decade. The guy got me in touch with a dealer for heroin because it was cheaper. And the name of the chapter of the book — the guy actually said this — “Do heroin, it’s better for your liver.” I was popping 50 Vicodin a day, so in his own way he probably had a point.

» EXPRESS: How long have you been clean now?
» LANGE: I hired two off-duty New York City cops who specialize in this to get me off heroin once and all. As of April [2009] I’ve been clean from heroin; haven’t touched it. I lost 50 pounds right away — being on Subutex, this opiate blocker [to quell heroin cravings], helps you gain a lot of weight. I’ve always been heavy, but never near 300. … Anyway, I got off the Subutex, lost the weight, got healthier, [but] I still have bouts with depression.

Read moreInterview with Artie Lange on Drugs, Stand Up and Stern

Quentin Tarantino in Studio

Quentin Tarantino was in the Howard Stern Show studios on Monday morning talking about his new film Inglourious Basterds starring Brad Pitt.  Quentin Tarantino talked to Howard Stern and the cast at Sirius studios about landing Brad Pitt for the leading role, dating in Hollywood and the rumors that Quentin Tarantino’s mom won’t stop spreading about his IQ.

Quentin Tarantino said that he never considered anyone but Brad Pitt for the role of the leader of the Jewish-American Nazi-hunters in Inglourious Basterds.  Tarantino also said that if Pitt hadn’t taken the part, he had no back up plan to cast another actor.  “It would have been a totally different part if I hadn’t gotten him.”  Lucky for Quentin Tarantino, Brad Pitt was more than game for the role.  Tarantino says he sealed the deal to cast Brad Pitt in Inglourious Basterds at Pitt’s home in France while Angelina Jolie was still in a French hospital recovering from after giving birth to twins.

In classic Howard Stern style, the King of All Media also grilled Tarantino about his previous romantic entanglements.  Although Tarantino admitted to “banging” Margaret Cho and “making out” with Kathy Griffin, the Oscar-winning screenwriter of Pulp Fiction clammed up when Howard Stern tried to gather details on his rumored relationship with Kill Bill star Uma Thurman.  Tarantino held firm on his refusal to discuss his relationship history with the woman many consider to be his “muse,” but listeners could practically hear Tarantino turning red when Howard Stern dug for details.

Howard Stern also took a few moments to investigate the rumor that Quentin Tarantino has an IQ of 160.  Quentin Tarantino stated that he had “no idea” if that was true and claims that it’s a rumor spread by his doting mother when his career first got off the ground.  It seems even little boys that make movies about scalping Nazis and cutting off the ears of police officers can still pass as mommy’s little angel.

CNBC host blames Howard Stern for bankrupting (video)

Howard Stern and his band of gleeful misfits were back live on the air Monday morning after another long and torturous week for fans stuck in humorless traffic. The King of All Media wasted on Monday’s broadcast to respond to mudslinging he received from the mainstream media during his on-air absence.

Reuters reported last week that Sirius XM posted a quarterly net loss of about 1% last quarter, but also reported that the loss of subscribers for the quarter was lower than expected.

Instead of attributing the decrease in subscribers and revenue to the recession and huge drop in auto sales (which is where most satellite radio subscriptions are sold), CNBC’s Dennis Kneale blamed Howard Stern’s high price tag for Sirius XM’s financial woes.

After complimenting Sirius XM executive Mel Karmazin as a “great salesman,” Dennis Kneale went on to say: “…in the end, does it turn out they just overpaid for Howard Stern and they have too much debt? I wonder if John Malone bailed them out temporarily hoping that they kind of go belly-up so they can get a hold of those assets really cheap.”
If there’s anyone who’s used to getting no respect from the mainstream media, it’s Howard Stern. Still, the King of All Media took offense to Kneale’s characterization of him as a drain on Sirius XM’s resources. On Monday morning’s broadcast of The Howard Stern Show, Stern offered an alternate perspective on Sirius XM’s financial situation.

Howard Stern claims that it was the millions of subscribers that he and his team of grown-up juvenile delinquents brought to Sirius that brought XM satellite radio “to its knees” and forced the merger between the two satellite giants. Howard Stern also pointed out that during conference calls with Mel Karmazin, Karmazin always emphasizes that the only program on Sirius XM radio that’s paying for itself is The Howard Stern Show.
Despite the fact that Howard Stern has grown a pretty thick shell after three decades of abuse from the mainstream media, he still threw a minor hissy fit in response to Dennis Kneale’s accusation:

“Why does everyone HATE me?” barked Stern in frustration on Monday morning’s broadcast. Howard Stern and his sidekicks discussed the other significant costs on Sirius XM’s balance sheet. Sirius XM has had to pay major fees for Major League Baseball and other big name talent like Oprah Winfrey and Martha Stewart. Howard Stern pointed out that these other high cost channels aren’t bringing in anywhere near the level of revenue associated with The Howard Stern Show.

How did Artie lose all that weight? Down to 230 pounds.

The incredible shrinking Artie Lange reported this week that his weight is down somewhere “in the 230s.”  The talented but tormented co-host of The Howard Stern Show’s weight topped out around 300 pounds last year during a self-destructive tailspin that included wild eating and drinking binges and abuse of both heroin and Subutex, a drug designed to ease heroin withdrawals.

Six months ago, it looked like Artie Lange was on the express train to a Chris Farley style end.  Now, with a new, hot girlfriend he found in a New Jersey tanning salon and a newfound interest in jet skiing, Artie Lange seems to be back from the dead.

Yes, jet-skiing.  On Monday morning’s broadcast of The Howard Stern Show, Artie Lange attributed part of his weight loss to his new addiction to jet-skiing.  Apparently, it’s not as crazy as it sounds.  Jet skiing for an hour is reported to burn 460 calories for a person weighing 145 pounds, and even more for a heftier comedian-type rider.

Artie Lange says to lose another 30 pounds to get down to his goal weight of 200, he plans to “get serious” with regular trips to the gym.