Ted Nugent called our president a “subhuman mongrel.” I love guns, and I love crazy people, but I hate Ted Nugent. – Sam Simon (Feb 2014)
Howard had Sam Simon on the phone because he was against this whole hunting thing. Ted and Sam said their hello’s and then Howard told Ted about this letter that Sam sent him about what happens when an animal is wounded by a bow. Howard asked Sam to give the argument why they shouldn’t bow hunt. Sam said that it’s hunting in general that he’s against. He said that many animals are wounded and don’t die so they suffer. Ted said that all of his animals have been dead, he can’t eat them live.
Ted said that even eagles that hunt for fish wound about 80 percent of the fish they try to catch. Ted said that only about 10 percent of the hunted game are wounded and keep going. He said that animals can wound each other even worse during mating season. Sam said that hunters have logic that doesn’t make any sense. He though that what Ted was talking about was kind of crazy and he doesn’t want more suffering going on in this world than there needs to be.
Ted said that if you look at wild animals as cartoon characters, then don’t go hunting. Ted said that he hunts to feed his family. He doesn’t just do it for fun. Ted and Sam ended up arguing the whole hunting thing. Neither of them are going to budge on their stance. Howard said it is kind of sad to see the animals hurt the way they do.
Sam asked Ted if he eats leopards when he hunts them. Ted said he has. Sam talked about how he’s actually saved some leopards from being shot in these controlled hunting events because they have no way to get away. They’re stuck in an enclosure where the hunters can just shoot them in the open. Ted told Sam that he’s full of shit and out of his mind. He accused him of lying about that stuff. Sam said he’s seen it for himself so he’s absolutely not lying.
Ted said that he has hunted zebra, elephant and many other things. He said that the meat they get is given to people who need to eat across this country. They hunt deer for those people. Sam said that they do that just so they have an excuse to kill more deer.
Sam said that Ted makes an enormous amount of money from this hunting he does. He said the guy makes money off DVDs and stuff like that so he’s not just hunting for food. Ted told Sam to suck his dick after hearing that. He said that the money he makes goes to help kids and various charities. Sam said that maybe Ted gives away his money but there are people making money on the hunting.
Howard was checking out some pictures on Ted’s web site (TNugent.com) where he shows his kills. They had one of a zebra and a buffalo. Sam didn’t understand why he would want to go out and do this stuff.
Artie said he didn’t know it was going to go this far with the whole hunting thing. Ted told Artie he’d take him bow hunting and he’d have a great time. Sam said that Artie barely gets outside so he’s not sure how he’s going to go hunting.
Howard said that Ted does make a good argument for why he hunts. Sam didn’t think that was true. He said that these people take pleasure in killing these animals. Sam said that the most killed animal in his country is the morning dove and no one eats them. Ted said that’s not true, people do eat those birds all the time. Ted said that the habitat can only sustain so many animals and they do have to kill them.
Ted said that he has some Vegan friends that come to his house and eat with him. He said he has no problem with people who don’t eat meat. He’d even prepare Sam a salad if he wanted. He wondered if Sam would make him a steak if he came to his house. Sam said he absolutely would. Ted said that was a step in the right direction.
Howard said he gets why Sam is against the hunting thing. Sam doesn’t think that they should enjoy going out to kill these animals. Sam said he has no problem with Richard Christy’s father killing animals because he has to eat. He doesn’t have a lot of money, he does it to survive. Artie asked why Sam would have a problem with him going hunting with Mr. Christy. Sam said that Richard’s dad has to do it to survive, Artie doesn’t.
Howard asked Artie if he’s going to go hunting or not now that he’s heard these arguments. Artie said he will go if he can shoot a gun. He will not do it if he can only use a bow. He said it would be a waste of time if he went bow hunting because he would be horrible. Artie said he would feel horrible if he went out to do something like that and ended up just injuring an animal. Ted said he wouldn’t want him hunting with a bow unless he could prove he could kill with a clean shot.
Howard played a clip of Richard’s dad talking about the road kill that they’ve eaten. He said if they see it freshly killed, they’ll pick it up and take it home. Ted said that he’s saved some road kill to eat himself. Howard said that he’s more on Sam’s side in this whole thing. Ted said that’s okay, because there are plenty of people out there who will kill them for him.
Howard wondered if Ted would kill a person if it was legalized. Ted said he’s not into cannibalism so he would not do that. Howard let the two of them go after that. Ted told Sam to have a Tofu dream as he was getting off the line.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ted Nugent is a dick head and pointed out that we’re intruding on the animal’s space so that’s why it seems they’re over populated. Another guy said that Sam Simon has his head up his ass about hunting. Howard said that Sam actually does something really cool and saves dogs that are on death row and trains them to help deaf kids with his Sam Simon Foundation.
The caller told Howard that hunting is a sport and a way of life. He said that up in Vermont, that’s the way people live up there. Gary asked how it’s a sport if the animal doesn’t have a gun too. The caller said that the animals know that they’re playing a game and he guarantees that. The guy was also saying that felons are allowed to hunt up there in Vermont with a muzzle loader. He said he was able to shoot two deer back to back within minutes with one of those guns himself.
Howard said that Artie can’t even stay awake, he’s not going hunting. Artie said he’ll end up going out to Kansas and going to Burger King. Another caller asked Howard if they’re going to have full coverage of his marriage on Howard TV. Howard said he doesn’t think he’ll be doing any of that stuff. He’s not as open as Bubba with that stuff. He said they will have some coverage of Beth’s ring and what happened this morning though.
Artie said that he’ll let the guys know if he can go hunting and shoot a gun. Howard said he doesn’t know about that. He can’t imagine doing that himself. Robin said she used to have to dissect frogs when she was in school and they had to keep them alive as they were dissecting them. She said that was really tough to do. Artie said it’s probably just not a good idea for him to go hunting.
Howard had to go to break after that but he played a prank call that Sal made to a pizza place trying to order a pizza from a train station. Sal had to use two computers to make that call happen. He’d give his order but a train horn would go off each time he gave the order. The pizza place told him ”Fuck you and your pizza order, I don’t need this during lunch!” and hung up on him.