Best Of The Week Laughing With The Stars (2/19/10)

Laughing With The Stars – John DeBella In Studio. 02/15/10. 6:00am
Howard Stern and the crew are on vacation this week, yes all week, so they’re playing a special called ”Laughing with the Stars.” Tom Bergeron introduced the special and then Lisa Lampanelli took over as host. Lisa talked about what they had coming up and said they’d have some other ladies hosting this week as well.

Lisa talked about how long she’s been a fan of the show and how she used to love when Howard would go off on his competition. She said that one of her favorites was when he’d go off on John DeBella. She talked about the beatings he took in the ratings in Philadelphia and how John had to come on the show to beg for a job after he lost it. That led to them playing a clip from November 11, 1994:

In the clip Robin and Howard were talking about how they don’t meet other radio guys very often. They were waiting for John DeBella to come in. John came in a short time later and said he was a little nervous to be there. Howard talked to John about being the king of Philly radio for a long time and then they came into town and took that away from him.

John told Howard that he wanted them to bring on all comers at the time. Howard asked if there was panic at the station when they came to town. John said there was. He said that they decided to take the high road and not even mention Howard’s show on the air.

Howard said he won on the air and it’s not an easy thing to do. John asked Howard if his longest stand off was against him. Howard said that Mark and Brian went down in less than a year. Gary said there was one market that went down in 7 weeks. Howard said John was the toughest one of them all. He said that John was at like a 12 or 13 ratings. John said their highest was a 13.4 and they were around an 11.5 or 12 when Howard came to town.

Howard asked John if he was secure at the time when he was still beating them. John said it was a very silly system and he was never secure. Howard talked about the way Captain Janks called him and gave him a hard time for the longest time. John said that Captain Janks was one of the odder things that went on during that time. Howard said they were going to bring Janks in to meet him this morning.

John talked about the way Janks would get on the air by lying and claiming that he needed help for his sister who had cancer.

Howard had the guys bring in Captain Janks to meet John. Janks came in and said that he wanted John to shave off his moustache today. John just laughed. Janks went on to tell John why he would call him the way he did and why he gave him such a hard time. Janks said this was tough for him to meet John for the first time in the studio. Howard asked if he thinks he should be able to go back to work. Janks said that he thinks that would be okay.

Howard asked John if they could play some of the prank calls. John said he’d prefer that he not play them. He said it’s just that there is a basis for this man’s hatred for him. He said he knows that Janks is upset with him over a meeting they had one time off the air at an appearance. He said the story has been told to him by Janks so that’s why he remembers it. Janks asked him to play some more music from the band Sweet and John told him that he would play something by them if they had anything new.

Janks said that if he had said it that way he would have been fine. He said it was the way that he said it that didn’t come off very well. He said that John said it in a sarcastic way and said something about his height in the conversation. Janks said that he said to him that he was as wide as his friend was tall. Janks said that was embarrassing to him.

Howard was going to play the clips of Janks’ calls and John was willing to give it a shot. Howard said he would cut them off if he was uncomfortable with them.

Howard played some of Janks’ calls where he would get John on the phone and he would answer with ”Yeah zoo” and Janks would ask what a ”yeah zoo” is. He would do that over and over again. John said it was a pain in the ass because fans weren’t able to get through on the phone line. Janks said that if he had the sense of humor he did on the phones on the air then maybe he’d still be number one.

In one call Janks was goofing on John’s baldness and John went off on him saying that it didn’t matter and he wasn’t upsetting him. John said he could do it every day if he wanted to. John was saying Janks wanted to be Howard when he grew up and that wasn’t going to happen.

Howard said that Janks was relentless with his calls. Gary told Howard to play one of the other calls and just the first 15 seconds of it. Howard played that one and John was asking him what he does for a living. Janks was taunting him saying ”You have no talent na-na, na-na, na.”

Gary asked Janks how many of these 90 minute tapes he has out. Janks said that he has 5 and only one of them has John on them. Janks said that he called many other competitors. Janks also said that he has to say he had to commend him for actually coming in today.

Howard let Janks go and asked John where it was he wanted to work. John said he was hoping to work afternoons at WYSP. That’s the station that Howard was on down in Philly.

Robin asked John if he would admit that at one time he was just that good that he didn’t think that they could beat him. John said he didn’t want to say that Howard was going to beat the hell at him. Robin said he was bragging about how he wasn’t going to lose to Howard. John said that everything Howard was doing was new to everyone so it wasn’t like he knew that Howard was going to go into markets and beat people. He had to psych himself up to get through another day. Robin said he didn’t have to do it on camera though. Howard said he was just defending himself.

Robin asked John what he thinks of Howard now. John said it’s just an act just like he did in those old tapes.

John said that his audience abandoned him and that was probably the most painful part of the whole thing. He said he thought they knew him and they left him for Howard. John said that was another tough thing for him. He said he thinks that Howard had a longer time growing into what he grew into and he had a plan and vision. John said he didn’t have all of that.

Howard asked who is the better one on radio and who has more talent. John asked ”at what?” Howard said morning radio. John said he thinks that there’s a company that’s responsible for that and they showed that he won. Howard asked if he’s better then. John wouldn’t say it. He would just say that Howard beat him. John said he thinks that he was at his best then and Howard was at his best when he was beating him. He wouldn’t admit that Howard was still the best. John said he can’t say he likes Howard more than he likes himself.

Gary said they threw a lot of artillery at John and he took it for a long time. Howard said he’s perfectly willing to work with John at WYSP. He asked Robin if she was okay with that. Robin said ti’s okay that he makes a living now. Gary said he was fine with it too. Janks said he’d like to hear him repeat ”Howard forever, baldie never.” Howard said he didn’t think he had to do that. Gary asked if he could crawl into a hole when he heard that.

Howard and John agreed to not go off on each other on the air and figured they’d be fine working together. Jackie and Fred seemed to be okay with him doing a show on WYSP too. Howard asked Robin if she was okay because she was acting kind of odd. Robin said that Howard is a brilliant performer and she doesn’t think that John is willing to recognize that. She said that he could admit that Howard is good on radio instead of making up excuses for it.

John told Howard that he had a friend walk in on him while he was watching Howard on E!. He said the friend asked what he was doing. John said he told the friend that he admires what he has done and he had a lot of talent. He said he admires the man and told his friend that. Howard and Robin seemed to be better after hearing that story.

Gary told Howard they had to go out and do the press conference so Howard wrapped up with John and said he has no problem with John working at WYSP in the afternoons. They went to break a short time later.

After an edited out commercial break they came back and had the press there to ask some questions about the whole John DeBella thing.

Howard made a speech about what was going on with John DeBella and Howard congratulated John for his new job at WYSP. John then made a quick speech and Howard said they were going to take questions from the press.

Penny Crone was one of the reporters there. Howard was asking her what she would like John to do. Penny said the whole thing was bizarre to her and she didn’t understand why he would do this just to work at the same station Howard is on.

Howard took some more questions and one guy asked if John would be filling in for Howard when he takes vacation. Howard said he will not. He said they play ”Best Of” when he’s off and sometimes those shows get better ratings than the regular show.

Penny Crone asked some more questions about other things and Howard had to defend himself for endorsing Patacki for governor. Penny was getting into it with Howard and John came into the conversation and pointed his finger at Penny which eventually made her cry. She said she hates being pointed at. She actually broke down crying because John DeBella pointed at her. John said if he only knew the power of pointing his finger…

Howard asked Penny what happened to her that would make her cry from being pointed at. John said that wasn’t his intent to make her cry. Penny said that she would punch John out if she went up there where they were. John asked if he could apologize to her for what he did. Penny said she wasn’t crying but her voice was shaking like she was.

Howard took a bunch of questions from the press and many of them were from Penny. She was asking questions about his movie and other things instead of this John DeBella thing. After a bunch of questions Howard wrapped up the press conference and said he thinks that it’s a great photo opportunity for them. He congratulated John on his new job and wrapped up.

Best Of The Week – Laughing With The Stars – Silverman. 02/19/10. 7:05am
Next on Best of the Week they played some of Sarah Silverman’s picks from Laughing with the Stars. Here’s what they played:
Laughing With The Stars – Pat O’Brien Song Parodies. 02/18/10. 10:00am
Next up Sarah introduced a segment that Howard did his first day on the air at SIRIUS. He was a big fan of the Pat O’Brien tapes and had a bunch of song parodies to play. Here’s what I had in my archives:

Pat O’Brien Uncensored. 01/09/06. 6:30am
Howard said that they have a big show today and they are going commercial free. He said he’s got about a billion bits they could never play uncensored on the old show. He played the Led Zeppelin song parody where they used the Pat O’Brien audio clips from his voice mail that they played last year on terrestrial radio. This time it was completely uncensored. Howard said that Pat is probably trying to shoot down the satellite this morning because of that.

Howard asked George if he knew about this guy Pat O’Brien and what went on with the phone sex messages. George knew nothing about it so Howard had to explain it to him. That led to the guys talking to George about how old he is. George said that he’s 68 but looks good according to Howard. Howard then gave George more details about the Pat O’Brien voice mail messages and how they weren’t unable to play them uncensored in the past. Howard wanted Fred to play some of those clips but he wasn’t quite prepared.

Howard played a promo that Richard Christy sang to the tune of Billy Squire’s ”Stroke Me” where they give out the new phone number 888-9-ASSHOLE. Howard thinks that number is very fitting because he was never able to use that word on his show even though other DJs were using it on their shows. He said that he would get fined but other jocks wouldn’t.

Fred found the Pat O’Brien audio clips so he played those, uncensored, for George. We’ve heard the clips before but not without beeps and bleeps. They played another couple of song parodies that Dan the Song Parody Man had created with those clips. They had played them back on the old show but they were filled with beeps as well.

George Takei thought the clips kind of humanized Pat. Howard said he wants to talk to Pat about those clips and find out if he actually got the date with that chick.

Laughing With The Stars – Dopey Strippers. 02/18/10. 10:10am
Next up Sarah introduced a segment where they had a Stripper Trivia game on April 13, 2000. Here’s what I had in my archives:

Two Dopey Strippers Come In. 4/13/00. 6:40am
Two strippers showed up at the station first thing this morning. They wanted to meet Howard and while they were waiting to come in KC and Gary quizzed them and found out that they were good candidates for a ”Turkish Millionaire” game. Gary said they answered like 1 out of 9 questions correctly in his quiz. Christy and Paige came in and said that they worked all night and came down to meet Howard. They were both drunk on champagne. Howard said they were pretty hot and one of them looked like porno star Janine. They claimed to have made between $1500 and $2000 last night alone. One of the girls showed Howard her breasts. Howard soon moved on to play the game. He told the girls that which ever one got 3 questions correct would win $500. He would start off asking one girl a question and if she didn’t get it right he’d ask the other girl the same question. Here are some of the questions and their dopiest answers:

Who was Tarzan’s mate? – Jane
How many holes are in a game of Golf? – 28
How many people were in The Supremes? – 3
Who had a horse named Trigger? – John Wayne
Who wrote ”Mein Kampf”? – That Farfurgnugen guy
What state is the Alamo in? – California, Arizona.. Some European country.. France
What does the word Chapeau mean? – No idea
What country has Big Ben? – California, New Mexico
Who’s picture is on a $100 bill? – No idea
What is 100 divided by 10? – 1000
What does a tadpole become? – Frog
Howard changed the game after a couple of questions and had them taking their clothes off. They got down to their underwear and Howard had them stop there even though one of them was willing to take off her panties. Christy somehow managed to get 3 answers correct so she won the $500. They dance at a club called VIP’s.
Laughing With The Stars – Ask The Retards. 02/18/10. 10:30am
Sarah’s next pick was a segment where they had Gary the Retard and Wendy the Retard doing some ”Ask The Retards” segments. Here’s what they played:

Unoriginal Terrestrial Radio. 02/23/06. 9:40am
Howard said that if you want originality, you have to listen to his show. He had a new bit called ”Ask the Retards” where they had Gary the Retard and Wendy the Retard answering questions. One woman asked why she gets diarrhea when she has her period. Gary and Wendy answered the question and ended up calling each other retards. Gary suggested that the woman take Robatussin to cure it but Wendy knew that the medication wasn’t for diarrhea. The two of them cursed each other out and ended up hanging up on each other.

Dating Retards. 04/19/07. 8:15am
Howard took a call from a guy who told a story about hooking up with a retard and having sex with her. Howard asked him if he felt guilty about doing that. The caller, Blake, said he looked at it like he was doing her a favor. That led to Artie talking about a guy he knew who lived with a retarded chick for a few days. He said that the guy ended up putting her on a bus to get rid of her. He said that guy was in AA with him and there were others who had crazy stories like that.

Howard got back to Blake and asked him how he met this retarded girl. He said he met her at a movie theater where she hangs out a lot. He said that she was kind of tweaking out while he was with her. Artie said that the guy he knew actually wore a shirt that read ”I’m With Stupid” when he’d go out with his retarded chick.

Blake said that the girl he was with was kind of scratching his dick during the movie they were watching. He said she kind of jerked him off during the movie. He said he took her back to his apartment and tried to bang her but he couldn’t get his head in there. He said he tried to bang her in the ass too and that was too tight.

Howard had a new ”Ask the Retards” bit to play so he went into that since they were talking about retards. In this one Gary and Wendy the Retards are asked about jacking off women. Wendy was yelling at Gary about how a woman can’t jack off. The two of them ended up yelling at each other about the whole thing. Wendy was giving the woman advice about stretching out her pussy to get off so it doesn’t hurt. Wendy got so fed up she hung up the phone. Gary hung up a short time later.

Laughing With The Stars – Tracey Millman Vs. Steve Grillo. 02/18/10. 10:40am
Next up Sarah introduced a segment where Howard played clips of Tracey Millman and Steve Grillo arguing on the Intern Show one night. Here’s what they played:

Tracey The Office Manager Flips Out On Steve Grillo. 06/14/07. 6:20am
Howard said that they have this woman Tracey who works there running the office. He said that she’s been there for about 2 years now and he’s never heard her get angry but she called into the Intern show last night and snapped. There was an item in the news about Steve Grillo inviting the interns to the bar he works at and he told them that the drinks were on him but then they had to pay. It turns out that they couldn’t afford it so Tracey ended up picking up the tab. That led to her going off on Steve on the Intern Show last night. Howard played a clip of her yelling at Grillo for telling them to come down and then not helping them out. Tracey wouldn’t let Grillo get in a word and just kept yelling at him saying he was a piece of crap.

Tracey was calling Steve a piece of shit and things like that. He’d say a few words and she’d talk right over him not letting him say anything. Artie said that she’d be tough to argue with if he was married to her. He said she was pretty brutal. Howard said that this went on for 7 full minutes. Steve the Intern took a call from a guy who said that she should never diss Steve Grillo like that and she gave that guy a ”fuck you.”

Howard said she was arguing like a guy in that clip. Artie said that he recommended someone for an internship and she gave him a hard time about it because the person didn’t interview very well. Artie said he used to go to this bar that Grillo works at. He talked about ”buy backs” since Tracey was talking to Grillo about them and Howard had no idea what they were.

Howard played more of the Grillo call where he’s trying to explain why he wasn’t able to take care of them. Ralph called in to get in on the argument too and was laughing at Grillo. That led to Howard and the guys talking about how Ralph loves Grillo almost as much as he loves Eric the Midget.

Best Of The Week – Laughing With The Stars – Kathy Griffin. 02/19/10. 8:10am
Next on Best of the Week they replayed the segment of Laughing with the Stars where Kathy Griffin played a Big Foot Matt McGrory segment. Here’s what they played:
Laughing With The Stars – Big Foot Matt McGrory. 02/17/10. 11:50am
After a break Kathy came back and said that she was on a 2001 edition of Who Wants to be a Millionaire. She said that she went to do the show and Robin was on that night as well. She said that Robin showed up with Big Foot Matt McGrory. She said that Matt passed away in 2005 but he was on the show judging the Handicapped Star Search segment on June 17, 1998. Here’s what I had in my archives from that day:

Handicapped Star Search. 6/17/98. 7:35am
Today was Handicapped Star Search where comedians with disabilities came in to be judged by more disabled people. The judges for the contest were Elephant Boy, Vin the Retard, King Of All Blacks and Big Foot Matt. Gary the retard was supposed to be the host of Star Search but he overslept and didn’t show up until halfway through the thing. Each contestant got about a minute to do their act. The first contestant up was Mike the CP Comic. Mike started out slow but ended up doing a couple of really funny jokes. The second contestant was Greg The Gay CP Comic. He rattled off a whole story about being disabled and gay. It was kind of funny but not great. The third contestant was Paul The Coonster. Paul called in a couple of weeks ago. He’s unable to speak so he uses a computer with speech to do his act. He was kind of funny but took forever to get them out. The final contestant was not a comedian. She was Kelly the angry wheelchair chick. She was in a few months ago complaining about Christopher Reeve. She’s really angry. Kelly sang a song which basically blew as much as her voice did. Below you can see how the judges scored these handi-capable performers.
Mike The CP Comic Greg The Gay CP Comic Paul The Coonster Kelly Beatty
Elephant Boy 7 5 6 5
Vin The Retard 5 3.5 5 5.5
King Of All Blacks 8 4 2 1
Big Foot Matt 9 7 10 6
Totals 29 19.5 23 17.5

Best Of The Week – Laughing With The Stars – Jillian Barberie. 02/19/10. 8:55am
Next on Best of the Week was one of Jillian Barberie Reynolds’s picks. Here’s what they played:
Laughing With The Stars – Robin’s News Theme Parody Contest. 02/16/10. 10:55am
After the break Jillian talked about how much she likes the song parodies on the show and she wasn’t able to just pick one so she picked a segment where we met Ham Hands Bill for the first time. That was from May 7, 1996. Here are some excerpts from my archives:

Robin’s Theme song contest winner announced. 5-7-96. After wading through a bunch of really funny contest entries, Howard and the crew came up with a winner. The eventual winner was this guy named Bill who sounds like a drunken Mexican telling a story. He told a story as Robin’s father. The other entries included a guy just yelling ‘bitch bitch bitch’ through the whole theme and a guy laughing as Robin over the theme song. Most of the finalists were pretty good and this guy deserved the win for it’s nuttiness.

Bill, the winner of Robin’s theme song contest, comes in. 5-8-96. Yesterday this guy won a Kawasaki Jet Ski in the Robin’s Theme Song Contest. Today he came in to meet the gang and sing his winning song live. Little did anyone know, this guy is in a wheelchair! In a wheelchair and the winner of a damn Jet Ski! So Howard talked to the guy for a while and then a guy called in and offered $1000 for the Jet Ski. Ralph offered $1200 for it. Jackie, the cheap guy that he is, offered $300! Bill wouldn’t settle for that, he said that someone told him that it was worth $4000-$5000. So a couple more callers called in and started bidding on the Jet Ski. Then, big spender, Dominic Barbara called in and offered $3500 for it. Howard talked Dominic up to $3800…Sold! So Bill is $3800 richer and who knows what that fat bastard Dominic is going to do with a damn Jet Ski!? Bill sang his song live and did a pretty good job at it. He told Howard that his real name is like Oiler Bill Soto…or something like that.

Laughing With The Stars – Sal And Richard Scooter Prank Call. 02/16/10. 11:35am
The final segment of the morning was a prank call that Sal and Richard made to a scooter shop. Jillian introduced that bit but no date was given for the first time it was played. After the prank call Jillian wrapped up her morning and they ended Laughing with the Stars.

Best Of The Week – Laughing With The Stars – Sarah Silverman. 02/19/10. 9:45am
Next on Best of the Week was a segment where Sarah Silverman introduced a few more of her favorite segments from teh show. Here’s what they played:
Laughing With The Stars – Riley Martin Audio Clip Prank Call. 02/18/10. 9:00am
After a break we heard Sarah introducing a prank call that Sal and Richard made using Riley Martin audio clips. It was played on October 11, 2007. Here’s what I had in my archives:

E-Mail, Prank Calls And Whacking Off Discussions. 10/11/07. 8:45am
Howard had an e-mail from a woman who said that she would like to go out with Artie. She said she’s going nuts thinking about him. She’s going to send some pictures to them if Artie has any interest. Artie said that he has to see her first.

Artie said he got an incredible love letter from a chick who wrote a poem for him. He said she didn’t send any pictures though and that doesn’t fly.

Howard read through some e-mail about the shows this week. He read stuff about the guests they’ve had on the show this week and some people don’t want to hear Donald Trump on the show anymore. The fans seemed to like the Porn Star Feud game they had yesterday.

Howard said they got a lot of positive feedback about that new phony phone call that Sal and Richard did with the Riley Martin audio clips. Howard was going to play it one more time so he had to ask the guys where it was. Gary told him where it was and Howard played it once again.

Laughing With The Stars – Gary Apology Tape. 02/18/10. 9:05am
Next up was Sarah introducing the Gary Apology tape segment where they played it for an audience. Here’s what I had in my archives:

The Babapology Tape. 6/18/99. 6:30am
Thanks to Joner for the ”Babapology” title.. If you didn’t hear yesterday’s show you have to read about the lost Baba Booey tape that I wrote about. This morning Gary brought the tape in and was ready to collect his money. He told Howard that he watched it again last night and it’s even more embarrassing that he remembered it to be. He said it wasn’t just a couple of months after he and Nancy broke up, it was 7 months later! Gary said that he wanted to cut out the first three minutes of tape because it was kind of boring but Howard wouldn’t let him do it. He also told Howard that he wanted to nullify the Death Pool deal they had with Walter Matthau. Howard told him the deal was off. When Gary found out how much money was up in the air he changed his mind. KC came in and told Gary that he had $18,000 in his hand but a short time later he said it was only $10,800. He said he forgot a zero. It turns out there was a total of over $18,000 including the $7000 that Howard and the rest of the crew were putting in for the tape. 3 guys showed up for the first showing and there were others for the second showing with less money. The first 2 guys came in with a total of $10,000. They got front row seats for the video. Howard even had popcorn popped for the guys to eat while watching the tape. The first viewing went off a little bit past 7:00am. This Jewish Canter came in and sang a special Baba Booey version of the Star Spangled Banner for Howard but he didn’t like it so he cut him off and kicked him out of the studio. It turned out that the first 3 minutes had some really funny stuff in it. Everyone got to see Gary from 11 years ago with his John Oates(Hall and Oates) look.. big moustache and all. Gary started off telling Nancy why he was doing the videotape.. because he couldn’t ”get an audience” with her. He told Howard that he was able to talk to Nancy on the phone but she wouldn’t see him in person. He also said he was able to date her after he made the tape but didn’t get into details. Everyone in the studio was laughing hysterically through the tape. The fans who showed up were commenting on Gary’s big teeth and moustache. Everyone agreed that Gary came off as a big pussy.. and that was after only 5 minutes of the 12 minute tape! Howard took a break and came back to keep the tape going. Gary hints that he may propose to Nancy a couple of times but those big choppers don’t let it out. The first viewing went on for over an hour and 10 minutes. There were plenty of funny parts in the tape to make it worth rewinding. At one point Gary tells Nancy that he ”lost my lover and my best friend” and that she lost the same thing but gained another lover and best friend. Then he says that he gained some lovers but no best friends. Everyone burst out laughing. Howard called that formula ”Teeth=MC2” or his ”Theory of Toothativity.” Everything on the tape was about Gary, not about what Nancy might be feeling. Gary actually tells Nancy what she must be feeling. Surprisingly there were a couple of women who called in and told Gary the tape was sweet. Most of the other calls were telling him he’s a loser. Gary wasn’t watching any of the tape because he was so embarrassed by it. At one point near the end of the tape Gary does one line of baby talk where he says he’s ”not the begging type” but he is begging. After watching the tape there was applause and Howard tells Gary ”You are weird!” Howard took a break and moved on to the Mike Walker gossip game.

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