Eric The Wack Packer

Howard said that Eric the Midget says he’s not a Wack Packer but they have a point system that they put together and Eric scored really high on the points. Howard had Eric on the phone to talk to him about that but he also had a voice mail message that her left for Gary.

Howard played the message Eric left for Gary where he threatens him. In the message Eric calls Gary an ape face and tells him that they have to stop speculating about him having a mental disorder and told him to fly him out to New York so he can prove to them that he doesn’t have any mental disorder. Eric said they piss him off too many times and they’re assholes. He said they’ve made him look bad too many times and he’s sick of it. Eric told Gary not to waste SIRIUS’ money to send Steve Langford to cover his reunion either. He said they should fly him to New York instead. He also said he hopes the Mets get swept.

Howard said he wouldn’t fly Eric to New york because he’ll say he won’t come. Eric said he won’t back out. Howard said he will. He said that’s just another reason he’s a Wack Packer. Howard also pointed out that calling Gary retard is just as bad as saying midget. Eric said that they use it all the time on the show. Eric said he is not a midget so that’s why he’s offended by it. Robin said that’s not a good explanation.

Howard said Eric is a Wack Packer. Eric kept saying he’s not. Howard asked Eric if he’s a regular caller to the show. Eric said there are a lot of people who call often. Howard said they have a point scale. Eric said he’s just a regular caller and a regular caller only.

Howard asked Eric if he’s been a guest in the studio. Eric said a lot of celebrities are on the show. Eric said he has been a guest. Howard asked if he’s unemployed or unemployable. Eric said not by choice. Howard asked if he’s handicapped or retarded. Eric said he is handicapped. Howard asked if his voice is funny or something they can goof on. That was a yes, Howard answered for him.

Howard asked if his appearance is considered funny. Eric said no but Howard said yes. He asked if Howard Stern has created a name for him. Eric said Stuttering John came up with the name. Howard said that’s the same thing. He went through a bunch of other questions that he had ”yes” answers for.

Howard asked if he denies being in the Wack Pack. that was a yes. He asked if he had shit himself. Eric said no. Howard asked if he’s going to die before the age of 55. Eric said he doesn’t think he will. Howard said Eric scored 36 points, Wendy the Retard only scored 23, High Pitch Eric was 30 points. Gary said they can add more points for Eric because he’s on prescription drugs. Howard said that Underdog Lady only got 16 points so Eric is definitely in the Wack Pack. Howard ran down a list of names and Mariann from Brooklyn only had 9 points so she’s technically not even in the Wack Pack. Howard said Will the Farter only got 10. Crackhead Bob had 20. Howard said that this survey works because Evil Dave only got 9 and he’s not in the Wack Pack. Howard said the survey works and Eric out scored everyone so he’s definitely in the Wack Pack.

Howard asked why he’s so bummed out by being in the group. Eric said they have racists and retards in the group so he doesn’t want to be in it. Howard said there’s good and bad in every group. He said they’ve even kicked people out of the Justice League of America. Howard told Eric he’s in and he’s the highest scoring one in the group. He scored even higher than Beetljuice.

Eric said that he’s not in the Wack Pack and if anyone goes on his Facebook page and says that, he’s going to block them. He said he doesn’t care if he takes himself down to 0 people. Fred had an edited clip of Eric saying ”Eric the Lame Ass Wack Packer” that he played a couple of times.

Howard said that even if they bring Eric in there to test him he’s not going to get out of the Wack Pack. Howard asked if he could beat Sal in an IQ test. Robin said no. Howard doesn’t think he can either. Robin said he might be ”Eric the Retard” for real.

Eric said he wants to take the test and he thinks that they stole the idea to do the test from him. Howard said that’s Wack Pack behavior thinking that they stole an idea from them. Howard said they’ve done that testing many times in the past. Howard said he can consider it stolen if he wants but they’ve done it before. Eric thinks that someone gave them the idea. Gary said he thinks that Johnny Fratto gave them the idea. Howard said that he didn’t.

Howard took some calls and Captain Janks said that he has tried to get into the Wack Pack for 20 years and he can’t get in. He asked Eric why he takes it so personally. Eric said that he doesn’t want to be in the group with people like Riley Martin, High Pitch Eric and others that he doesn’t like. Janks said that he’s not representing the other guys so he should just accept it.

Howard took another call from the Pink Cowboy who said Eric should just accept it. Howard said he could elevate the group. Cowboy said that he should take it as a compliment.

Jeff the Drunk called in and said he wants to take Eric on in an IQ test. Howard said maybe he’ll have to do that. He told Eric he’s in. He said Jeff is in too. Jeff asked if he could be flown in too. Howard said yes but he’s only an hour and a half away so Gary said he can’t fly him in.

Johnny Fratto called in and said that he’s probably the worst Wack Packer because he picks the phone up on this mother fucker. He said he has to rat Eric out. He said something is going on in New York and he wants to be there just for that. He said that he wants to see Diana DeGarmo in Hair. Johnny said he had to do that. Howard asked Eric if that’s true. Eric said that he guesses that he’s throwing him under the bus because he did the same to Johnny.

Johnny said there are a lot of dudes in Hair naked too. He said that Diana isn’t the only one who is naked. Eric said he heard she’s completely naked. Robin asked Eric if he’s willing to say that he’s in the Wack Pack to get to New York. Eric said no. Robin told him to stay home then.

Even Johnny said Eric is in the Wack Pack. Eric said Johnny and his son have both told him that he’s not in the Wack Pack. Johnny said that he heard the test and it was completely logical. Howard told Eric that the IQ test is going to be humiliating if he loses to Jeff the Drunk.

Johnny told Howard that he has to be careful out in California. He told him to be careful about the baby thing. He said it’s so fuckin’ hard. He said that nothing is working on him now and everything hurts. He said he’s got a 17 month old that runs around like crazy. He said he has to chase after the little fucker.

Howard said he was into that when he was young but not anymore. He said he’s done with that part of his life. He said he’s told Beth that. He said he has 56 year old friends who are chasing 5 year olds around and he doesn’t want that.

Johnny said he went to get something and when he came back the kid was standing on a chair. He said if he had fallen he would have hit something. Howard said even with the dog it’s a nightmare. He said he has to go get the leash for the dog so the dog walker can take her out. Howard said he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his days chasing a little kid.

Johnny said that he’s locked down and he can’t do anything anymore. He said his wife lied to him and told him he wouldn’t have to take care of this kid. He said that he should have done things different. He said Howard would never be able to do this, not even for 5 minutes. Howard asked if he could have the kid whacked. Johnny said he could but it would all come back to him. Howard said he feels for him. Johnny said he can’t even watch TV anymore. He doesn’t have any time for that. He has to watch Sponge Bob Square Pants all day instead.

Howard said he feels for Johnny. He said he’s having a good time in his life because he can sit back and relax when he wants. Johnny said he has no time for that.

Howard said he knows Johnny loves his kid but he does feel for him. Johnny talked about this thing he wears around the house to carry the kid around. He said that thing is torture. Howard asked where the joy is in this. Johnny said he’d like to know. He said if he gets rid of the mother then he can Nanny it up around there. He said that might make it fun. Howard asked if he has any help. Johnny said they won’t let anyone touch the kids. Johnny said he can’t even go out. He said he got out once last week to dinner. He said he had to go home in the middle of it because the kid had a temperature.

Howard said he’s thinking about a certain man who wouldn’t put up with that and it was Louis Fratto. Johnny said that’s true. He said that his father was married to another woman before his mother. He said his father was born in 1906 so he had a family before his. Johnny said the mother saw his father doing some shit and it freaked her out so she took off with her daughter. Johnny said that his father wasn’t able to find them. Johnny said that the girl was born in 1925 and while they were researching his book they looked for the woman. Johnny said they found her, she’s 80, and she’s living in Escondito, California. He hasn’t seen her yet but he’s going to go visit her soon. He said he just found out about this new sister and maybe he can drop the fuckin kids off with her.

Howard told Johnny and Eric he had to go. He said Johnny says he’s in the Wack Pack so he’s in. Howard said he doesn’t care if Eric wants to go see Hair. He can do whatever he wants in his off time. Howard said he’ll look into getting Eric out there. Eric said his book might be getting published soon. He said he doesn’t want them fucking up that deal so he’s not going to say who is going to publish it.

Howard took a call from a guy who said they should have a ceremony to crown Eric the King of the Wack Pack. Howard said they might have to do that.

Howard took a call from a guy who said Eric is an ungrateful little bastard. Eric said he’s not ungrateful. The caller said that Eric is just using the show to get to New York. Howard said that’s the way it goes around there. Everyone uses them. Eric said he’s not a user. The caller said he is Eric the User.

Howard took another call from a guy who said that Eric has to agree to be flown by balloons if he loses to Jeff the Drunk. Robin said they’ll fly him as the King of the Wack Packers. Howard asked Eric if he’s going to be freaked out if Diana has a huge bush. Robin said they have to, it takes place in the 60s. Howard asked Eric if he likes that. Eric said he’s not going to comment about that.

High Pitch Eric called in and asked why he calls him a piece of shit. He said Eric should be happy he’s on the show too. Eric said that High Pitch has been taken to court for stealing. High Pitch said that’s over with. Howard said it’s not over for the people he owes money to. High Pitch said he thinks that Eric should be happy he’s in the Wack Pack. That’s huge.

Howard took another call from a guy who said that he is in the play with Diana DeGarmo and he gets to kiss her. He said she’s very nice looking but he hasn’t seen her bush. He said he doesn’t really recall but he thinks that they take care of themselves. He said he grooms himself. He said most of the girls are ”pretty clean.” Howard wondered how he could be in a play and not know if the girl has a bush. He said they don’t stare at each other. Howard asked Eric what he thought of that. Eric said the guy is lucky.

Howard told Eric he’ll try to get him flown in there for the IQ test. Eric said there’s no chance in hell that Jeff will beat him. Howard said that Eric doesn’t even know what 9×8 is. Eric said no one performs well when they’re half asleep. Robin asked him what 9×8 was. Eric said it was 81. Howard said he’s going to do horribly on the test. Eric said he’s not. He will do just fine. Howard told him to go rest up after he coughed a little bit.

Eric asked if Hulk Hogan is going to be on the show tomorrow. Howard said he is. Gary wondered how he knew. Eric said he heard it on some show. Howard let him go after that. He said he has a lot to get to but now he has to break again. They spent a little more time talking bout Eric and how he gets 9×8 wrong every time they ask him. He got it wrong today. Howard wondered how he’ll do on the IQ test. Gary said he thinks he’ll be in the 90s. He said he won’t break 100.

Howard said he’s betting on Scott DePace. He said he did some research and found that IQ correlates to the SAT scores so he thinks that he will do well. Jason got a higher SAT score but Scott said they changed the tests between the time he took his and Jason took his. Howard said Jason claims they weren’t changed. Howard said he’s fucked if that’s the case. Howard said he might have to call off the bets.

The guys spent a few more minutes talking about the IQ test that they have coming up and how they think people are going to do. Gary was saying that the really smart people down play their intelligence instead of bragging like Scott DePace does. DePace came in and said that the three people who are too chicken to take the test are the ones saying that.

Howard found out that DePace got a 1060 on his first SAT. He got an 1180 on the second try. Scott said he did an IQ test online yesterday and scored a 128. Howard said maybe he’ll do okay then. He went to break after that.

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