Gilbert @ 30 minutes
Howard came back and had Gilbert Gottfried come right in. Howard asked him if he was listening out in the green room. Gilbert said he was listening. Howard said he heard Gary was talking to him out there and Gilbert didn’t ask how Artie was doing or anything. Gilbert was laughing as they were talking about that. Gary said he asked Gilbert how his kids were. Gilbert just said that the boy and the girl were okay. He didn’t give out their names.
Howard said Gilbert is really awkward with everything. Gilbert said it’s like he’s waking up in a Twilight Zone episode every morning. Howard asked if he wanted kids or did his wife put pressure on him. Gilbert just said ”yeah… yeah…” and didn’t answer.
Howard asked Gilbert what he would do if he was in a Sophie’s Choice kind of situation. Gilbert said he’s not sure which one he would pick.
Howard asked Gilbert if he cares about the Artie situation. Gilbert said people ask him if he has inside information and he doesn’t. Howard asked if he was upset by the news. Gilbert said when he hears news like that he feels like it’s a new joke and he wants to go around telling everyone about it. He said he was telling anybody he could find about it.
Howard asked Gilbert if he wanted to say anything about Artie. That led to Gilbert doing the impression of Artie telling him what to do with his DVD. Gilbert said Artie gave him some great advice about how to pick what to put on that DVD.
Gilbert said they started showing his Dirty Jokes DVD on Showtime and Artie asked him how he got that to be shown on cable. Gilbert said he just started cracking up and Artie told him to go fuck himself.
Howard said he’s tried to have a conversation with Gilbert off the air and it’s awful. He said it’s very hard to talk to the guy. Gilbert was laughing through all of this stuff.
Howard took a call from Artie audio clips and the guys in the back had Artie telling Gilbert he was a douche bag. Gilbert didn’t answer and just laughed.
Howard asked Gilbert if he’s going to contact Artie or not. Gilbert said he’ll send him a post card. Howard asked if anything touches him at all. Gilbert just laughed. Howard said he must be into this late night war. Gilbert had plenty to say about that. He said NBC should just run ”I Love Lucy” reruns instead of live shows. He said it looks like a disaster right now. Howard asked Gilbert if he even watches those shows. Gilbert said he watches them on an old black and white TV.
Howard asked Gilbert what he does when he’s not working. He spends some time with the kids. Gilbert said child one is 2 and a half and the other one is 8 months. He said he hasn’t incorporated them into his act. He said he hates that. Gilbert said he leaves that out of his act. Gilbert said he’s fine with the old time comics mentioning their wife but he doesn’t even do that.
Gilbert said he hates all comedians and he won’t watch them. Howard asked what he does when he goes to the roasts. Gilbert said watching a comic is like going to work on his day off. It’s just not something he likes doing.
Howard asked Gilbert who he liked when he was growing up. Gilbert was just laughing. Howard asked if he liked Georgie Jessel. That led into Gilbert doing his impression of Georgie. Howard said it seems he has disdain for comics and it’s odd that he chose this as his profession.
Howard asked Gilbert about hanging out with the comics back stage and who they are. Gilbert was just laughing through all of the questions. He said he doesn’t’ think he’s actually friends with anyone in show business. He said he may not even have any friends. Gilbert said his wife does though.
Howard asked Gilbert if he goes out to dinner with his wife’s friends and if he’s miserable the whole time. Gilbert said he is miserable. He said he’ll try to force himself into the conversation but only because he’s so quiet most of the time. He said he really doesn’t care about what they’re talking about.
Robin asked if there’s anyone he gets together with on his own. Gilbert said that happens every once in a while.
Howard said he used to be like Gilbert but now he’s made friends with some people in radio and he can talk to them about radio. He said it’s interesting to hear their take on it. He told Gilbert that maybe he should do that. Gilbert said he used to get calls from Richard Jeni but he ended up killing himself. Gilbert said the calls would come in the evening and Jeni would call him ”Bert” instead of Gilbert. Then he would start talking and he’d start rambling on. Gilbert said that may have been the Ambien kicking in. Gilbert said Richard may have called just to kill time until the pills kicked in.
Howard asked Gilbert if he got upset when Jeni died. Gilbert said he had something to talk about again when he killed himself. Howard asked if he sent a note to the family after he died. Gilbert said he never did. Gilbert told Howard he went into this store one time and asked them to take a package for him and Jeni’s mother worked there. He said he said hello to her and talked about Richard. Howard asked if she cried. Gilbert said she didn’t cry and he was glad she didn’t because he’d have to get out of there.
Howard said he heard that Gilbert tried to get Artie’s canceled gigs when he heard about the suicide attempt. Gilbert just laughed again. Robin said she’s shocked that he cares so little. Howard said he’s sorry for Gilbert.
Howard asked Gilbert if he gets involved when his kids are crying in the house. Gilbert said he’ll try to comfort them but it’s impossible. He said he finds the whole meaning to that Perry Como song ”It’s Impossible.”
Howard asked Gilbert if he enjoys any activities with the kids. Gilbert said there was one time when he went to the bank or something and his wife called and asked where he was. He said he went to the bank and got some coffee. Gilbert said she reminded him that the kids were at home. He said he just walked out and forgot he was there to watch the kids. Howard said they should call child services.
Howard asked if he ever carries the kids on his shoulders. Gilbert said he can’t do that. He’s amazed by people who can. Howard asked if he does baby talk with the kids. Gilbert was laughing and almost choked from it.
Howard asked if he takes the kids to Disney or anything. Gilbert said they may have gone to Disney once. He didn’t even remember. Howard wondered waht the kids call him. Gilbert said they call him Mr. Gottfried. Howard said this is all very strange.
Howard asked if Gilbert has gone to school to visit. Gilbert said he just did that this week. Gilbert told Howard he was there with his daughter and they were stuck there wtih the other dads. Howard asked if they did any activities in there. Gilbert said he can do stuff liek play with clay no problem. He said there was one time he was playihng with clay and he started to make a big penis out of clay and started swinging it back and forth. Howard asked if he’s a pedophile or soemthing. He also asked if he spoke in a blakc voice while he did that. Gilbert did soem of that black voice for HOward.
Howard gave up on tryhing ot find out more about the kids since Gilbert wasn’t saying much. He asked him if he watned to stick aroudn for the news. Gilbert said he had a busy day today but he’d stick around.