Jay Leno On Oprah Discussions. 02/01/10. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: A prank call made to a woman using Andrew Dice Clay audio clips, Wyclef Jean performing ”Howard Stern For President,” a medley of REO Speedwagon songs performed live in the Howard Stern Show studio.
Howard started the show talking about watching Oprah and Jay Leno last week. He said he’s way into this whole thing with Jay and Conan. He said Oprah did a good job with the Leno interview. He said that she let Jay talk and he just came off so badly. Robin said that the people in the press were talking about his contradictory answers.
Howard said his father called him during the show and talked about what a weasel he seemed to be on that show. Howard said his father isn’t even that judgmental and he could see it.
Howard said Jay is a wealthy man and when you have money like that you don’t have to put up with a lot of shit. NBC had basically fired the guy from the Tonight Show. NBC went to Jay and put him on at 10 and then everything kind of fell apart. Then they asked Jay if he would go back to doing a show at 11:30 and Jay claims he asked if Conan was okay with that. When Conan wasn’t okay with that Jay didn’t just leave, he took the job anyway. Howard said this shows that Jay Leno is a ”desperate clinging fuck nut” who won’t leave. He said that Jay acts shocked that people don’t like it. Howard said Jay could have gone anywhere but he insists on staying at NBC. He fucked over his pal Conan O’Brien by doing that. Robin said Jay fucked over David Letterman for the Tonight Show too.
Howard said Jay was talking about all of the people he has working for him on the Tonight Show and Oprah was asking him why he had to stay. Jay claims it’s all of the people that he had working for him but he didn’t say a thing about Conan’s people. Howard said Jay could have gone to another network with his people if he wanted to.
Howard said he went on Oprah’s web site and watched some of her fans talking about what Jay had to say and basically calling him a douche. He said she was saying he was the villain. There were others saying that they didn’t think he was doing anything wrong.
Howard said during the interview with Oprah Jay said that Jimmy Kimmel had sucker punched him when he appeared on the 10 at 10 thing. He said that Jimmy kind of razzed Jay on the show and then Jimmy went on and gave it to Jay. He had some audio of that to play.
Howard played the audio of Jimmy Kimmel responding to Jay saying that he sucker punched him. Jimmy was talking about what really happened. Jimmy says that Jay called him after he did an impression of Jay on his show one night. Jay asked him to be on his show to do the 10 at 10 thing. Jimmy said that they had the questions before hand and none of them had anything to do with the late night wars. Jimmy said all of the questions were about other stuff so he suggested they bring up what was going on in late night. Jimmy said he wanted to beat that to death even though the producer didn’t want to. Jimmy said he didn’t want to look like a jerk on that show talking about the junk food he likes. Jimmy said that Jay is the one who sucker punched him when he went on Oprah and told her that he was sucker punched.
Howard did his impression of Jay and said he really does talk that way with the high voice and then the low voice. Howard talked about the way Jay was lying on that show and how he was contradicting himself the whole time.
Howard played some clips from the show where Oprah and Jay were talking. Jay was talking about the sucker punch from Jimmy and how he had walked into it and kept it on the show even though he could have cut it out.
Jay also talked about how he lives off the money from his stand-up gigs instead of spending the money from his Tonight Show gig. Howard played that audio and goofed on Jay some more. Jay talked about how he saves all of the money from the TV show and doesn’t spend it. Howard said that’s bullshit and he came off so poorly on that show.
Howard said he has a bunch of clips to play and it was all infuriating to him. He said the guy isn’t even human. He played another clip where Jay was talking about the way he does his jokes and doesn’t do them in a disrespectful way like some other comedians do. Oprah asked him about the way other people joke about him and then he fires back at the others. They played a clip of Jay joking about David Letterman after Dave had goofed on him. Jay said he did just one joke like that. He got a cheap shot out because he had one cheap shot taken at him.
Howard said he loves this. He said that Jay goes into a long explanation about how he should take the Tonight Show from Conan because it’s a numbers game. Howard said Jay should have taught NBC a lesson by leaving the network instead of staying there. He said he’s not sure why Jay wants to be a part of that whole thing. He said they fired the guy and he stayed there.
Howard said that they were treated like shit at NBC and they would never have gone back there if they were asked. He said he didn’t even have money to back him up. He had zero dollars and there is no way he would have gone back. Howard said he would have said ”fuck you” to them if they asked him to come back. Howard said Jay Leno will suck the cock of NBC all day and night to keep his job there. The guy is insanely motivated to be there.
Howard said that Oprah asked Jay if he called Conan and Jay said he was going to let some time pass before he did that. Howard played another clip where Jay was talking about how he never thought they’d ask him to go back to the Tonight Show. Oprah asked him if he ever thought about taking away Conan’s dream. Jay said this was an affiliate decision. Jay said it was the first time in the history of the Tonight Show that it was going to lose money. That’s what it came down to according to Jay. He said NBC wouldn’t have asked him to take it back if Conan hadn’t refused to move the show back a half hour.
Howard said that’s bullshit again. He said that Jay pushed Conan out of the job. He played another clip where Jay and Oprah were talking about her retirement too. Jay said that they’re going to go down together and they’ll retire at the same time. Oprah said that’s just not true. Oprah told Jay that she’s done after 25 years and that’s that. Jay said he doesn’t believe that.
In another clip Oprah asked Jay if he was upset about Conan’s disappointment. Jay said it had nothing to do with him. Jay said that if you’re not doing the numbers then you just move on. Howard said Jay was doing the numbers and NBC still asked him to leave. Howard said this was pretty fascinating stuff. Robin said it was and it’s amazing to see how his mind works.
In another clip Jay was talking about how he’s been portrayed as a good guy until this whole thing happened. Jay thinks it’s unfair and he’s going to work on rehabilitating the image. Jay said he hopes he’ll be able to do that with the Tonight Show. Jay said that he’d like Conan to be able to get a job and maybe he’ll get his butt kicked by Conan.
Howard said that Jay was going back on his word and he came off as a weasel on the show. He was saying that if Conan was okay with it then he was okay with it but if he wasn’t okay with it then he’s not okay with it.
Howard played another clip where Jay was giving the logistics of what happened with the shows being canceled and changed around. Howard said if Jay had any integrity he would have left after being fired from his job twice. NBC fired him from the Tonight Show and from that 10 o’clock show. Howard said Jay will bend over for any man on the plant and take the shiv up his ass. That’s the kind of weasel he is and he’s been saying that for years.
Howard played a clip from a news program where they said they’d like to see Howard Stern interview Jay. Howard said he’d like to interview Jay.
Howard said he had a few more clips to play. He asked Robin if she was still interested. Robin was still interested so Howard played some more.
In one clip Oprah said that she thinks that people don’t understand how TV works and asked Jay to explain. She said that people think that he stole the show but that’s not the case. Howard said the thing is that he’s taking the job back from Conan even though he said he was only going to do it if Conan was okay with it. Conan wasn’t okay with it and he still took the job.
In the clip Jay was talking about how he was going to do his best to keep the Tonight Show number one while he was waiting for Conan to take over. He said he thought about taking another job but he didn’t end up leaving. Howard said it was so stupid. He said Jay is such a dick wad.
Jay was talking about how they were number one up to the day they left. Jay said that they had him leave anyway. Howard said he should have left the network after that then. Jay told Oprah that he wanted to keep things smooth at NBC so they came up with the 10 o’clock show idea. He said that came up in the fall of 2008 and they thought the show would work. Jay asked if he could keep his same staff since he had 175 people working for him. NBC was okay with that. He said he had been there since 1984 in some way so he wanted to stay there.
Howard said Jay is a douche bag beyond all. He said he was proud of Jimmy Kimmel for calling him out the way he did.
Howard read about some more of the clips he had. He found another one to play. In that clip Jay was asked if his ego was bruised by the low ratings his 10 o’clock show got. Jay said he felt bad for the affiliates. He said they’re the ones who canceled them and he’s sorry that they let them down. Jay said that they were making money for the network but not for the affiliates. Oprah said that Jay going into prime time took away jobs from thousands of people. Jay said they were right about that and he admits to that.
Howard said he loved Oprah’s interview with him and he thinks that she did a good job. Howard said he’s jumping around with the clips but she was asking him about everything. Howard said Jay really should have been a man and left NBC when they fired him the first time.
Rosie, Craig Ferguson And Kings Of Leon Giving Howard Some Love. 02/01/10. 6:35am
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jay is full of shit. He said the guy has like 100 cars and he can’t possibly be paying for them with his stand-up money. Howard said he’s heard that Jay takes the door money from the clubs he appears at. He said the guy is obsessed and he’s nuts. Howard said he can’t imagine going to a club and taking $2000 from them when he’s making millions on the Tonight Show.
Howard said Jay gets big pay checks so he can believe he’s not spending the Tonight Show money. He said the guy doesn’t have any kids or anything to spend the money on.
The caller talked about Rosie O’Donnell too. That led to Howard talking about Rosie being on Craig Ferguson’s show and they were really nice to him. Howard said they were making him blush the way they were talking about him on that show. He said he’s not used to that.
Howard said Rosie was also on Oprah’s show and Oprah cut Rosie off when she wanted to plug her show. He said Oprah should be on board a little more because she’s got her own channel on there. He said they pay her like 50 million a year and she should be on the team helping support it.
The caller also asked them to play a song parody about John Denver that they had played years ago. It didn’t sound familiar to Fred or Howard though. Howard had to hang up on the guy because he kept talking over them. Howard wondered why it seems people can’t hear them when they’re on the phone.
Howard said he had to play the clip of Rosie and Craig Ferguson. He said that the Kings of Leon also gave him a shout out on the Grammy’s last night. Howard said they want to come on the show but they don’t get up this early.
Howard played the audio of one of the guys from the band talking about him on the red carpet at the Grammy’s. The guy said he listens to a lot of Howard Stern and not so much music. The interviewer sent them on their way shortly after the Howard mention.
Howard said he was glad to read that Chelsea Handler broke up with that shithead Ted Harbert. Howard said he might be an even bigger weasel than Jay Leno. He said that was a tough choice. Howard said Ted had a gifted life and his father got him a job at ABC. Robin convinced Howard that Jay was a bigger weasel. Howard said she’s probably right about that.
Howard said Ted told him that they loved him on E! but then they got rid of his show. Howard said the guy is a shithead. He said that he and his agent were shocked about what he was saying to them the day he came over to talk about that. He said he really didn’t care though. He said at some point you just give up on caring and that’s why he’s surprised that Jay didn’t leave NBC.
Howard said Jay claims he called the affiliate board and apologized to them for failing at 10pm. He said Jay is a suck ass. He said that the head of the affiliates board has probably never gotten a call in his life. He imagined what that call must have been like. He did an impression of Jay making that call. He said that he’ll take it in the ass from anyone. Howard said they should line up the NBC pages and let them stick their dick’s in his ass. He said Jay is like the prison bitch. He said that he’ll take any chance to fuck someone over too. that’s what he did to Conan. Howard said ”I hate Jay… I hate Jay.”
Howard talked about how NBC fucked over Letterman and Letterman was a man and left the network. If he had stayed there and took it like Jay did we’d all think he was a bitch too. He said that he had the balls to leave the network. So did Conan. Robin said everyone mans up but Jay. Howard said Jay should wear a dress on his first show back and just take it in the ass.
Robin said that Jay is like the guy in Deliverance who has to squeal like a pig. Fred played that audio clip while they were talking about that. Howard said Letterman might fuck around but at least it’s with women. He said Letterman is a real man. He goes out and fucks right in the driveway. He said he loves Letterman. Howard said Jay fucks in the driveway too but unfortunately it’s the car he’s fucking. Howard did an impression of what that might sound like. He had him fucking a Mercedes, a Studebaker and a Stanley Steamer. Howard had Jay telling his wife to pretend she was a car as he was fucking her. Fred played some horn honking sounds as they were doing that. Howard said the guy just takes it in the ass. He said he’ll go along with anything NBC tells him to do. Howard said he thinks he’s gotten that out of his system now.
Rip Torn Arrest Discussions. 02/01/10. 6:55am
Robin said she was looking back at what had happened to John Denver and they weren’t able to identify him with his dental records. They had to go to finger prints from his arrest record. That led to them talking about Rip Torn getting picked up for trying to rob a bank or something. Howard said the guy is a great actor. He said they’re now saying that Rip Torn was so blasted he thought the bank was his house and he wasn’t able to get in so he got his gun and broke the window and laid down to sleep. He said there was no one in the bank at the time so he wasn’t robbing the bank. He said he started yelling at the cops thinking they were in his house when he woke up.
Howard read the article he had about the incident. He read that he’s 78 years old and said that the guy has to calm down. Howard read about how he didn’t know he was even in a bank when they found him in there. Howard said the guy is like Otis the drunk.
Gary told Howard about an audio clip he had from a 2004 arrest of Rip Torn. Howard played that clip and they had audio of Rip telling the cops they were all going to jail. He was arguing and being belligerent with the cops.
Howard cut the clip off and said ”whatever” and got back to the article he had. Howard said they’re saying that Rip has cut back on how much he drinks but he’s still drinking. Howard said he was arrested in 2004 for smashing into a taxi while allegedly drunk but he got off of those charges. Howard said that the story sounds pretty funny. He had to go to break after that.
Lisa G’s Howard 100 News Preview. 02/01/10. 7:05am
After the break we heard a prank call the guys had Big Foot Mark and Blue Iris make to a guy trying to sell him some ducks. Fred played Kings of Leon ”Use Somebody” as they were coming back from break.
Howard came back and said he heard hat Robin was putting on some show for the TV guys dancing to the song. Robin said she was just enjoying the music. Howard said she should have been a go-go dancer. Robin said she continues to work even while doing that. Howard said they should put that on Howard TV. He said it’s very uninhibited. She’s very fluid even for her age.
Howard said that was the Kings of Leon. He said that he should have Lisa G come in first with her news and then he’d get to some Grammy clips.
Lisa G came in and said that they were on hand for Gary’s appearance on Geraldo at Large last night. Howard said he heard that Gary looked horrible on the show. Lisa said he looked fantastic to her. Howard said he thought Gary looked good too. Lisa said he’s lost 30 pounds.
Howard said Gary is into these gadgets and Geraldo had him in to talk about the new iPad and the Sony reader. Howard asked what’s better. He wondered who is buying that reader anyway. He said he was reading about the way these devices are causing cancer and how guys shouldn’t keep phones in their pockets and stuff. Howard said he uses speaker phone on the cell so it’s not hear his head. He said he can’t imagine reading a book on a Kindle or something. He said he doesn’t want that shit on his lap.
Howard said he’d like to cut down on the amount of time on his computer. He doesn’t want more time with a computer. Howard said he never even carries his lap top around with him. Lisa said he might like the iPad. Howard said it’s in your lap all the time so no he wouldn’t.
Howard asked how Gary did on Geraldo. Lisa said he did good. Howard wondered what Gary knows about any of this stuff. Gary said he knows as much as anyone else does. He said that Geraldo wanted to talk about the iPad and Avatar. Gary twas giving Howard some information about the iPad and it was all wrong. He was telling Howard how much it costs and how much memory you can get. He said he only had 4 minutes to talk to Geraldo so he couldn’t do all that many things.
Howard said that he was watching that Kathie Lee and Hoda doing a gadget segment and the guy can’t get to anything because the women are talking to much.
Howard said he saw Lisa G on channel 11 and he wanted to take the people and strangle them because they were talking over her. He said Lisa had to rush through her whole thing. He said they were talking about anything but the cooking.
Howard said he had a clip of a cooking guy telling Kathie Lee to shut up. JD said that clip was from a while ago and he found it on the web. Howard played the clip and the cook was trying to explain what he was doing but the women wouldn’t shut up so he asked them to please be quiet. Kathie Lee gave him a hard time after that. Howard said that if Kathie listened to the tape of that she’d hear the guy losing it. He said that she’s rude as can be and she’s a hog on the camera. He said she’s very un-Christian like. He said she wants to gobble up the world that hungry cunt.
Howard said that this poor bastard was trying to get out one word and he wasn’t able to get it out. He was being suffocated by those Yentas. He said he’s probably never been back on the show since then. Howard said they should have given the guy a chance to speak. Howard said Kathie Lee is so hungry for attention that it irritates him.
Howard replayed that clip and said he’s never liked Kathie Lee. He said he’s trying to mend fences with people but he could never do that with her. He said he’s had it with her. Robin asked how she got back on TV. Howard said that NBC has done it. He played the clip again where the guy asked if he could please talk and asked them to pay attention for just one minute. The guy knew that it was his last time being on the show after that comment. Howard said the guy was just sticking up for himself. He said he should have shoved some of that food in her mouth to shut her up. He said that’s what he would have done. Howard said back in Roosevelt they taught you how to shut up.
Howard went off on Kathie Lee for a couple of minutes. He said they should play that clip on this show every day. He said they should give that man an award for talking to Kathie Lee like that. He said that you can’t hear a word the poor guy was trying to say before he told them to shut up. Howard said when you go on TV you have a lot of angst and it’s not easy. He said he blames Kathie Lee and that poor Hoda probably can’t get a word in either. He said that they keep interrupting each other though.
Howard said whenever Beth does TV she said that she doesn’t talk during her appearances because people are always talking over each other. Howard said that’s what she said about The View when she was on. He said it’s like they have Tourette’s.
Howard played the clip again where the cook went off on Kathie Lee and Hoda telling them to please let him talk. Howard said it’s like having Scott Greenstein in the room with you. He did an impression of what that’s like too. He did some barking and Fred played some dog barking sounds.
Howard played a clip of what it would sound like if they all spoke over each other on the show. He had a ton of clips all playing over each other.
Howard said he was all worked up and upset now. He said that guy Sam was great on the show. Howard told Lisa to get in touch with that guy and interview him for the news. Benjy said that they had him back on the show to talk about etiquette. He’s not sure if he’s been back on for a cooking segment. Lisa remembered the etiquette segment and she seems to remember him not being able to get a word in then either.
Howard played some audio from The View where all of the women were talking over each other. Howard said he didn’t edit that one either. They were all talking over each other and no one could be understood. Howard said he can’t believe that show gets any ratings sounding like that. Howard said he can’t take it.
Lisa said that she also has more about Gary and how he’s going to be doing Techno Beaver for Howard TV starting in March. They have an outfit for him and all.
Lisa said they’re still looking into the poop on the floor in the bathroom. Howard said that the Bleeding Deacons have a song about Robin because they figured it was her. Howard said the song was a good take on the whole thing. It was a parody about ”Mystery Shit on the Floor” and their theory was that it was Robin’s because it smelled like coffee. Robin said that wasn’t nearly true. She said it’s not even close to being true. Howard seemed to like the song. Robin said that has to stop because people are going to think that it was fact.
Lisa said that they spoke to a doctor who thinks that the person who did it may have some sphincter issue from anal play. She said it’s possible the poop just fell out. She said they talked about how a healthy anus should wink when tested. Robin said she’s never heard of that. Howard said he hadn’t either.
Lisa read a story about the woman who cleansed Joan Rivers apartment of ghosts. She said the woman didn’t say how much she charges for that but they did talk about the things they did to get rid of the ghost.
Kathie Lee Today Show Clips. 02/01/10. 7:40am
Howard said he wanted to hear the clip of Lisa on that channel 11 show when the hosts were talking over her. Gary said they were looking for it. Howard said they had to take a break but Gary found the clip so Howard played that. In the clip Lisa was explaining her cookies but that was the wrong clip. Howard told Gary it was wrong so Gary told him they had the right one up on his computer. Howard played that one and Lisa was talking about being on SIRIUS XM and then she did some weather. That wasn’t the clip Howard was talking about either. He said it was one where she was cooking. He didn’t care to find it and said that you can trust him that the hosts were talking all over her.
Howard spent a little more time talking about the Kathie Lee clip and how lame that was that the spoke over the guy and then had him come back for etiquette lessons when it wasn’t even the guy’s fault. Howard goofed on Kathie Lee some more after that.
Gary said that JD had the clip of the etiquette expert talking to this chef Sam. Howard played the clip where they talked about Sam the cooking guy causing a stir there on the Today Show. They said they had to bring in the etiquette expert to help them out with that whole thing. They said that Sam was the rude one. The etiquette expert explained that some of the responsibility was on the host’s side. Kathie Lee told her to hold it and said that there are no rules for the hosts. The etiquette expert said hat they have to make their guest feel welcome but the guest has to be respectful. The chef said that he didn’t do anything different than if he was with his friends or family. He ended up sucking the cow’s tits when he apologized to them for what he did.
Howard said he hates that fucking bitch Kathie Lee. He said that he should have brought them a muzzle with a ball gag. Robin said that would have been funny.
Howard played more of the audio and Sam gave Kathie Lee and Hoda a gift and they joked about it having come from Walmart. Howard said they were talking over him again in this segment. The chef asked for a group hug but Kathie Lee said no.
Howard said Kathie Lee has got major attitude. Robin said he couldn’t have been back on after that. He said that she should be giving Frank Gifford a hard time over what he did, not this guy. He said that the guy was saying that it was important to him that day he was trying to get his information out. Howard said the cackling Yentas don’t put any effort into that show. He said they prepare everything for her and she just cackles over it all. He said she really aggravates him.
Howard took a call from a doctor who was saying that Kathie Lee may have a borderline personality and she has to talk about herself all the time. She was telling Howard what that means and how hard something like that is to treat.
Gary told Howard he found the clip of Lisa G on the morning show being talked over. Howard wasn’t sure it was going to be the right one but Gary convinced him to play it. Howard played the clip and the hosts were talking over Lisa the whole time she was trying to explain how to bake cookies. Lisa would explain what to do and the hosts would just talk over her through the whole thing. They were asking her about what’s going on with Howard and things like that during the cooking segment. Howard said it was all very confusing. He said it went from bad to worse but he wasn’t sure how long they could hang in there with that clip.
Birth Control. 02/01/10. 7:55am
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why he uses a condom with Beth. Howard said he uses it for birth control. Howard said he will go bareback once in a while but very rarely. He said he’s trying to practice birth control. Howard said Beth was thinking about doing some kind of intrauterine device but he doesn’t want her doing that. He said it didn’t sound cool to him.
The caller told Howard about some other birth control things that he could try but Howard said he’s going to stick to the condom. He said he has no problem with that. Howard said he doesn’t want to have a kid and neither does Beth. Howard said he and Beth both enjoy their sex life. The caller said he never uses one and the other day he did and it felt like washing the dishes.
Howard said he doesn’t want more kids so that’s why he’s doing that. The caller said he should get snipped then. Howard said he doesn’t want to do that. He said he doesn’t want to use pills or anything like that. Howard said he doesn’t have a problem using a condom but people seem to think it should bother him. The caller said it’s amazing it doesn’t bother him.
the caller asked if they’ve ever had David Sedaris on the show. Howard said he doesn’t know who the guy is. The caller said they should have him on because he has some great books. Howard said he doesn’t even read.
Howard said he actually is reading Charlie Murphy’s book (The Making of a Stand-Up Guy) and it’s really good.
Howard brought up Robert Schimmel’s appearance on the show last week and how Steve Martin had written to him about how great the appearance was even though it was so heart wrenching. Howard said he heard from Howie Mandel about it too. Howard said he heard that Gary was told that he’s had offers for liver transplants and they may have helped save Bob’s life in a weird way.
Howard let the caller go and said that Bob may get a sliver of a liver from a live person and that might help the guy out. He said he had to take a break a short time later.
Various News And Audio Clips. 02/01/10. 8:05am
After the break we heard a prank call Captain Janks made to a telethon as Kathie Lee Gifford. Fred played Lady Gaga’s ”Poker Face” as they were coming back.
Howard came back and talked about Lady Gaga performing with Elton John last night on the Grammy Awards. Howard said they had a black guy introduce her last night and he was doing some weird ”gaga” talk when he did that.
Howard said he only saw some of the Grammy stuff. He said he liked Lady Gaga with Elton John. He said he had to play some clips from the show but he had some other stuff to play as well.
Howard said he read that an aircraft had just landed on the NJ Turnpike. He said that was a bulletin he just got. He read that quick story and said they must have had to shut down the highway. He read that they were handling traffic reports for some stations in the Philly area. Howard said they might have to stop with that. He said if you go up every day you’re going to run out of luck at some point. He said the stations cheap out too so you never know what you’re getting into.
Howard said that Rush Limbaugh accidentally said shit on the air. He played the audio of that. In the clip Rush was trying to say ”ship” but said ”shit” instead. Howard said that he agrees with Rush about what he was talking about though. He said that everyone is running away from this health care bill even the people who were all for it. Howard said he does hope that Rush is fined for that ”shit” slip though.
Howard said he wants to talk about this Rex Ryan guy and how he flipped the bird to some fans while he was out on his own personal time. He said that the NFL fined him like $250,000 for that even though he wasn’t at an NFL event. Howard said the guy might have just been having some fun with them and they fine him? He said it’s like indentured slavery. He wondered what the hell the NFL is doing. Howard said he found that weird.
Benjy told Howard that they haven’t fined him yet. They say that he did get fined at a game for giving the finger. Gary said that they’re saying that they’re going to fine him for this too.
Howard said he’s still upset about the applauding at the Obama speech last week. He said that it’s like a soccer game with different teams. He said that the republican’s were refusing to applaud and the democrats were going overboard. He said it becomes like a soccer match but this is government where they’re supposed to be working together on this stuff. He said the country is in a financial crisis right now and they have to work together.
Robin said the President has been trying to work with both sides and bring politicians back into order. Howard said he applauds him for doing that.
Howard said he had to say something about the supreme court too. He said they had a chance to change something that’s horrible in this society. He said the corporations are allowed to donate to campaigns and they have millions of dollars to buy votes. Howard said the Supreme Court got to rule on allowing them to donate and they ruled in favor of it. Howard wasn’t sure what the vote was but the guys told him it was 5-4. Howard said he’s not even sure who voted in which way. Gary gave him some information on that. Howard wonders how they got to those guys because it’s un-American when a corporation can buy political candidates. He said we’re doomed.
Howard said they have 5 shitheads in that Supreme Court. He had Gary give him the names of the 5 that voted for it. Gary and Will gave him the names and Howard wondered on what grounds they thought it was a good idea. Gary said that Clarence Thomas wanted to make it okay to give money directly to the guy and not to his campaign.
Rosie O’Donnell On Craig Ferguson Clips. 02/01/10. 8:25am
Howard said Rosie O’Donnell was on Craig Ferguson’s show and she was very nice to him. He said Craig was too. He said he sent Rosie a note about that because she was so nice.
Howard played the audio of Rosie talking about her show with Craig Ferguson on ”The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson.” Craig was saying he heard Rosie and Howard talking and he had forgotten how Howard was a genius. Rosie then went on to talk about what Howard had called her for years and years and how they eventually made up. Rosie said she used to be scared of Howard and she was terrified of him.
Rosie also talked about how she had never listened to talk radio until she started listening to Howard. She said that Howard is unbelievably gifted. Craig said he’s scared to talk about Howard Stern. He said he had been on the show once and he was scared to even do that. He said Howard was nice to him on the air and even nicer off the air.
Craig said he couldn’t do an impression of Howard so he did a German impression. Rosie said that was a bad idea so he changed it to an Italian impression. Rosie and Craig talked about what a great guy Howard is and ended up talking about Artie a little bit as well. Rosie said that she thinks that there could be peace all over the world now that she and Howard have made up. Howard said that whenever he’s spoken about America loves it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that unions are also allowed to give as much as they want to political campaigns. Howard said that’s right and that is wrong too. He said that the system is no longer pure. He said that you have to accept donations to get anywhere and when you do you can’t vote no on something that they support. Howard said that the Supreme Court could level the playing field if they took that away.
Howard said he wasn’t going to spend a lot of time on that story so that’s why he didn’t bring up the union thing. Howard read about who appointed who in the Supreme Court and how Bush’s people were the people who were voting for allowing the donations.
Howard and the guys spent a short time on that subject and the caller said that he was wrong about the banking system. He said the banks were too regulated so that’s why they failed. Howard said the guy had it all wrong. He said that he didn’t want to talk about this political stuff. The caller mentioned titties trying to get him back on track.
Black Eyed Peas Ripping Off A Song? 02/01/10. 8:35am
Howard took a call from a guy who asked who he voted for in the Grammy’s. Howard said that was the SAG awards that he voted for, not the Grammy’s.
Howard said there’s a new porno out called ”Tiger’s Got Wood.” He said JD is pulling some clips of that for him to play. He said they have Tiger and his Wife and the girls Tiger was supposed to be with all being portrayed in the movie.
Howard said that there are people on the web saying that the Black Eyed Peas stole the song ”Boom Boom Pow.” He played some of their song and then played some of another song by Phenom called ”Boom Dynamite.” It was kind of like that song. Howard said there’s another part where Fergie sings in the Black Eyes Peas song that’s similar to something in that other Phenom song.
Howard said he and Fred were arguing over the song over the weekend. Robin said it would be good of they could play them over each other. She said that she wasn’t sure if it was a rip off or not. She said that there is some similarity but she’s not sure if it’s that much. Howard said he thinks it is a rip off but Fred says no. Robin said she’s saying no too.
Howard said he likes the Black Eyed Peas but there were some similarities in there. Howard played his favorite version of the song which was when Ed Torian tried to sing it.
Howard said the song was a little too similar if you ask him. Robin said the rules or rap are different and they take stuff from everywhere.
Grammy Clips And Discussions. 02/01/10. 8:40am
Howard got to the Grammy stuff. He said he liked the Lady Gaga and Elton John thing. He said that Pink has become an acrobat and she looked kind of cute in the white robe. Then she got naked and she didn’t look so great. He said that she doesn’t look so good that she should take her clothes off. Howard said she was lip syncing so she could whip around up in the air she was. Howard said Pink is better than that and she shouldn’t be doing that acrobatic crap when she can actually sing.
Howard played some audio of Pink’s performance. He said her song was very slow and it didn’t sound like a hit song to him. He said that she should have done one of her hits because that’s what people want to hear.
Howard and Robin were talking about the Lady Gaga song with Elton John. He talked about the black guy who came out and did the weird ”gaga, gaga”’ stuff before her song. Howard said people love to say their own name in their songs these days. It’s not just rappers anymore. Howard said the guy was kind of weird who came out before Lady Gaga.
Howard said Lady Gaga looked very wide in that outfit she had. He said she’s not even that wide but the outfit was bad. He played more audio of Lady Gaga performing with Elton John. They were doing a whole weird thing with the black guy calling her a monster and throwing her into a fire. Then Lady Gaga came out and performed with Elton.
Howard said he’s been following High Pitch Mike on Facebook and he’s become really, super gay since he came out of the closet. He said that he was posting a lot of stuff about Lady Gaga before her concert and at one point he said that he had been ”mind fucked by Lady Gaga” at her concert. Howard said that probably means he wants to be her.
Howard said they had a text your vote thing for Bon Jovi on the Grammy’s. He said that they performed ”Livin’ on a Prayer” and they only gave them a minute and 47 seconds to play the song. Howard said that was kind of odd.
Howard played some of the Bon Jovi performance and said Richie Sambora loves that talk box thing. Fred said that’s a Heil talk box and he only knows three guys who use it. Richie, Joe Walsh and Peter Frampton. They spent a short time talking about that.
Howard played more of the Bon Jovi song and goofed on Richie about how much he was using that talk box. Howard said Peter Frampton may have done a song on the show with Robin using that talk box. He played a song parody that Sal did about Robin with the talk box.
Ben Stern Calls In. 02/01/10. 9:00am
Howard’s dad, Ben, called in and told him about how Judge Alito was mouthing words to the President during his State of the Union address last week. He said that they’re supposed to stay quiet in that whole thing and that guy was mouthing to him that he was wrong. Ben was also talking about the stuff Howard was talking about earlier with the Supreme Court. Ben was telling him what he knew about it and said that he thinks they were wrong on that finding. He hopes that the President and Congress can do something about it. Ben and Howard spent a short time talking about that stuff.
Ben was talking about how corrupt politicians can be. Howard said he’s talked about that before and said that these politicians go out and become millionaires when they’re out of office because they become lobbyists. Ben talked about the Jay Leno situation too. He said that Leno should have left the network. He said that O’Brien got screwed by them.
Howard said Leno could have left and done another show on another network. Ben said that Jay even talks about how he saves all of the money he’s made from that network. Howard said the guy is less than truthful. He said he’s a liar. Howard said Jay was offered the tonight show and he did it for 17 years. Then they fired him from the show and Jay agreed to leave. Then Jay stuck around and did the 10 o’clock show and now he’s taking the Tonight Show back from Conan. Howard said he’s been fired with no money in the bank and he would never go back and suck ass of a company that fired him like Jay Leno is doing.
Howard’s dad had to go work out even though he’s got some kind of cold going on. Robin said that was a nice call. Howard said his mother had a cold and he got that from her. Ben was saying it was just a nasal drip, not a cold. Howard said when they get sick he’s afraid it’s the end. He said he was out digging a hole over the weekend. He said his father is on fire about all of that stuff he was just talking about. He said the hole digging is good exercise for him though.
Howard said his father gave him an envelope maybe 10 years ago and it had information on where they wanted to be buried. He said they bought burial plots so he has this envelope in his drawer where it tells him where to bury them. Howard said he’s never even looked at the paper. He said he’s not sure where it is so he had better find it.
Howard said he’s not sure when they bought the plot but it could have been many years ago. He said he’s not suer where he’d put them but he’d like to put them in his back yard. He said he could dig a hole and put them in there like a pet. Howard said he could put some clam shells and rocks over their graves.
Howard said he want out house hunting on Long Island years ago and they had protected land because they had some family members buried on the land. He said he was going to buy the place but something happened with the school system or something. He said he would have had to have put his kids in public school because the Gambling family stopped him from letting his kids into the school. He said that was a low blow to do that to kids. Howard said he felt the school had no integrity when that happened. Howard said his kids were A students and they were going to turn them down because of what the Gambling’s said about him.
Howard said that John Gambling is a real shit and he thinks there’s a great place for him in Hell. He said that’s bad karma to do something like that to someone. Howard said when Opie and Anthony came over he was asked if he wanted them fired. He said he doesn’t want that kind of karma. He said he wouldn’t have anyone fired from their job. That’s just not cool. He said everyone has the right to work. He certainly wouldn’t keep someone from getting a job.
Howard said that he’s seem some of the kids they let into that school that his kids were kept out of. He said they come from questionable backgrounds but they were let right in. Howard said that Gambling was shitty on the radio and so was the whole family. Howard said his father was a nice guy but they weren’t that good on radio. Howard said the son really had anger toward him for some reason though. Howard said he wasn’t’ able to buy that house because the public schools in that area sucked. He had to go to break after that.
More Grammy Clips And Discussions. 02/01/10. 9:25am
After the break we heard the infamous ”Robert Higgins” call to ABC during the OJ Simpson Bronco incident ”…and Baba Booey to Y’all.” Fred also played Ryan Adams cover of ”Wonderwall” as they were coming back.
Howard came back from break and asked who that was singing the song. Robin thought it was a Dave Matthews song so Howard and Fred had to correct her saying it was actually an Oasis song. Howard said this was a great version of the song though. Howard said that guy John Mayer does a song like this. Robin said it was Wonderland. Howard said this guy Ryan is married to Mandy Moore. He said a guy with one hit song shouldn’t get to marry Mandy Moore.
Howard mentioned they’re having a band competition on the show. They’re looking for bands that are willing to do ”anything” to get on the show. They’re also still working on the Tiger Woods Mistress beauty pageant. They have about 3 women lined up right now but they’re looking for more.
Howard said he thinks that as time goes by they’ll have more women wanting to participate. They figure the less press they’re getting the more they’ll want to win that $100,000 from AshleyMadison.com.
Howard said he thinks he finished with the Grammy stuff but then he said he had more clips to play. Howard said he doesn’t get the Beyonce thing. He said they treat her like she’s the next big thing but he doesn’t understand that. Howard said he saw pictures of her as a kid and she was much blacker and had kinky hair. Now she’s light skinned and has blonde hair like Beth. He said that he can’t imagine that she has hair that straight. Robin said it’s probably a weave.
Howard played some of Beyonce’s performance on the Grammy’s last night. Howard said she almost fell over while she was being interviewed before the show. He said she was in those big shoes of her’s.
Howard said Beyonce won’t talk about Jay-Z even though she’s married to the guy. Howard said it’s very weird. He’s not sure who came up with those rules that you can’t talk about being with another celebrity. He said it may have been started by Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt.
Howard played more of the Beyonce audio and it was taking forever to get to the singing. He said she does have a beautiful voice. He said they must have a lot of money between the two of them. Beyonce must have a lot and Jay-Z must have a ton too. Howard said that’s good for him. He said ti’s kind of sexy when you marry someone with that kind of money who still goes out and works for it.
Howard played a clip of Jennifer Lopez introducing Green Day who have a Broadway play now. Howard said that’s kind of weird. He said they seem kind of pumped up about that whole thing. Howard said this guy Drake rapped and then Eminem came out and they got bleeped so much that the song sounds like the Eric the Midget Idol show on the web. He played some of that and they were chopping the song up during cursing and it was just silence.
Howard said Mary J Blidge did a song with Andrea Bocelli. He said that the guy wasn’t paying attention to the camera. Robin said that’s because he’s blind. Howard played some of that and said he got bored listening to it during the break. He said that guy was speaking some strange language like Klingon or something.
JD told Howard that they’re trying to raise money for Haiti with that song. Howard said no one is going to buy that song. He said they should have something better than that to sell. Howard said it sounds like he’s singing in Yiddish or something. Fred threw in some Gilbert Gottfried singing his Yiddish song. Mary J Blidge then came in and Howard said he was kind of digging the song. Howard joked that Andrea was singing into her ass so it was kind of embarrassing.
Howard said Jamie Foxx was there. The Black Eyed Peas were there too. He asked Robin what she wanted to hear. Howard ended up playing the Jamie Foxx stuff. He performed with Slash, Susan Boyle and some other people. Howard said poor Slash used to be in Guns N Roses. Robin said she doesn’t like Jamie Foxx singing. She said he should be acting.
Howard played some of the Black Eyed Peas performance. Howard said he likes Fergie. He finds her attractive. He said she did Meth so she’s a freak. Howard said those guys are ashamed of nothing. They were singing ”Ima be” over and over. He said that they even bleeped her. Howard let that song play through and said that Fergie must be wild in bed. He said he’d bet the farm that all of the guys in the band have fucked her. Robin said she saw them on a morning show and they were talking about their backgrounds. Robin told Howard about that and how Fergie was the last one to join the group.
Howard let their song play through some more and said Fergie probably had her asshole hanging out of her outfit. He said that she forgot to put her pants on. He said he loves that she dresses like a whore. He said he loves that whole look and the way she acts black. He said she’s like Beyonce in reverse. Beyonce is getting whiter while Fergie gets blacker.
Robin said that Michael Jackson’s kids were on the show. Howard missed that but he had the audio. They did a whole 3D tribute to Michael on the show. Howard said the kids might have a shot at being normal now. Robin said they were with Michael more than 7 years so there’s no shot of being normal.
Howard played some of Prince and Paris Jackson talking about their dad after the Michael Jackson tribute. Howard said they’re trying to toughen those kids up by giving them karate lessons. He said he saw some video of that.
In the clip Prince and Paris said a few words about their dad. Howard said maybe they had something intelligent to say. Robin pointed out that Prince’s voice was deeper than Michael’s was. Prince thanked God and his grandparents for looking over them for the past 7 months. The kid also thanked the fans. Howard said this kid was boring but everyone loves to stare at him because he was Michael Jackson’s kid. Howard wondered how Michael kept his voice as high as he did. He said he must have had his balls cut off. Paris also said a few words and said that their daddy was supposed to be there this year and how he didn’t make it last year.
Howard said that was one kooky parent but it does stink when someone loses a parent. He said that Debbie Roe was never around for the kids.
Howard said that the Kings of Leon gave him a shout out. Howard said Wyclef Jean was on since he’s from Haiti. Howard said Taylor Swift was dressed like an old lady. He said she should have dressed in something younger. He said he can’t imagine that her album was an album of the year. He said her album was horrible. Howard said she was happy but she should have turned down the award. He played some of her speech and said he heard the show moved along nicely and they fit in a lot of performances. He had to take a break after that.
Howard 100 News And Wrap Up Show Previews. 02/01/10. 10:05am
After the break Howard came right back and said that he saw that Jay-Z is like the godfather there at the Grammy’s. He said that Stephen Colbert spoke to him and when Jay-Z didn’t say anything the whole audience was quiet. He said that Jay-Z laughed at one thing and the whole audience laughed. He said he must be a powerful guy. He said that he and Beyonce weren’t even sitting next to each other. Robin said they were sitting next to each other. Howard said he didn’t see that.
Gary said that Jay-Z was in there and when Howard asked him about Beyonce he just shut down and it was a weird interview after that. Howard said he doesn’t understand what the big deal is and why they don’t talk.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news report. Steve said that Medicated Pete is denying that his real name is Aaron Silverman. He said he’s not happy that they’re doing the story and saying that he used to call into the show a decade ago. Howard said maybe they should leave him alone and not do the story. Howard said the guy just wants to be Pete.
Steve said that Pete appeared on the old show as Aaron Silverman at K-Rock and this is news in their world. Howard said there’s a guy on the phone who says that his name is Hanzi and he’s not sure that’s even his real name. Hanzi said that his name is actually Imran Khan. He said that he could call himself I-Khan if he wanted. Howard said that Kahn is actually Jewish.
Hanzi said he cussed out Hulk Hogan on Bubba’s show. Howard didn’t react so Hanzi paused waiting for a reaction. Hanzi said that he has a bone to pick with Ronnie. He said that he saved Ronnie’s show and without his call it was a disaster. Howard said he didn’t know he was the savior of the show. Howard told Imran he had to go. He said he was way over time. Hanzi asked why he went to his call then. Howard told him he just wanted to say hi to him. Howard said he’s getting angry for no reason. Hanzi said he was getting angry for him saying he was getting angry.
Steve got back to his news and said that they got a tip about Pete and they thought the story was interesting but Howard didn’t think it was.
Steve said that they have asked Howard if they can cover his colonoscopy and Howard has said no to that. Steve said that they have a story about Bill O’Reilly mentioning Bubba the Love Sponge’s name during an interview with Glenn Beck. Steve also mentioned the Chuck Zito show and the Greg Fitzsimmons show that are on tonight at 7 and midnight.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran down his list of stuff they’d be talking about today on the show. That led to Howard goofing on Gary about his Geraldo appearance. He said he has to play the clips tomorrow first thing in the morning. Howard was doing an impression of Gary talking about gadgets on the show and goofing on the way he talks and never says anything bad about these gadgets he tests. Howard said Gary gave the iPad ”four teeth up.” Howard asked how long the segment was. Gary said it was about 4 minutes long. Howard said he had to wait until tomorrow to listen to it.
Howard goofed on Gary about the stools in his home theater again. He said Geraldo should have goofed on him about that. Gary asked if he was jealous of his new career. Howard said yes, yes he was very jealous.
Robin’s News. 02/01/10. 10:20am
Howard had Robin start her news after Fred played her in with a song parody from Little Mikey. It was ”Jerk Me Off” to the tune of ”Start Me Up.”
Robin started her news with a story about the president of South Africa who has several wives since they practice polygamy in the tribe he’s from. He’s had 5 wives overall. He’s had kids out of wedlock as well. Howard said they must not think it’s a big deal down there. He said that stuff shouldn’t matter if the guy is a good president. Howard said that’s what he said about President Clinton when he was going through the crap with that Monica Lewinsky.
Robin read a story about a man in Philadelphia who was nipped by a puppy and he ended up lighting the puppy on fire. Robin said his kids told their teachers about it and the man was arrested for animal cruelty. Howard wondered what the guy is doing to his kids if the dos that to a dog.
Howard said they took in this cat Apple and they’re taking care of her. He said she still chews at herself but she’s new to the house. He said he can’t imagine lighting a puppy on fire just for getting nipped by it. He said that’s what puppies do.
Robin read about a teacher who is collecting a salary for just sitting in an office. She said that six 8th graders accused him of staring at their butts and he got to keep a job after just one of the girls was able to come forward and explain what happened to her. Robin said the teacher was given a slap on the wrist and now the teacher just sits in an office and doesn’t teach any kids. The guy sits in the office doing his real estate deals and studies law. He’s wroth $7.8 million because of the real estate deals. Howard said he thinks that’s what Gary is doing at his desk.
Robin said another teacher offered a student $100 to disrobe during a make up test. She turned it down and turned him in. Robin said the cops set up a sting and caught him when he showed up with alcohol, condoms and two $100 bills.
Robin read about some of the ads that are going to run during the super bowl. Howard said he heard one of them is a pro-life ad. He said they won’t allow ads that advocate the use of abortion but a pro-life ad is fine? Robin said they have rejected a gay dating service commercial but they are taking the pro-life ad. Howard said they’d have less abortions if they allowed more gay dating.
Robin said that Rush Limbaugh is saying he doesn’t know what caused his chest pain while he was on vacation. She said that he’s talked about that and said that it wasn’t a heart attack. She said that he was judging the Miss America pageant over the weekend.
Robin read a story about a 72 year old woman who spent 4 days ailing on the floor of her home because she thought it would be too expensive. She was found dead later. She lived with a man who was 20 years younger and the husband said that he tried to lift her but couldn’t so he just cared for her on the floor while she laid there. The family of the woman doesn’t believe his story so they’re hoping police will look into it.
Robin read a story about a man who killed a woman and cut her organs out. Robin said that the guy and the woman had been going at it since 2006 and she had orders of protection against him. The guy ripped her organs out and they have not been recovered. Robin said a neighbor saw blood coming out of the apartment door and called cops.
Howard had to do a couple of live commercials in the middle of the news. After he was done with that Robin read a story about John Edwards and his denials of having an affair and being the father of the child he was cheating with. Edwards assistant is saying that Edwards wanted him to take the fall for the whole thing. The guy has written a book about the whole thing. He claims he has a sex tape of Edwards too.
Robin read some news about the Toyota recall that’s going on right now. She said that they have had to recall millions of vehicles over a sticking accelerator pedal. Gary said that there have been people that have had the car accelerate even when they’re on their brakes. Howard said that’s his worst nightmare. Robin said that they’re saying that Toyota sales could fall by 75 percent while they have halted production and sales of certain vehicles.
Robin read a story about the rescue relief in Haiti and how President Obama stopped flights to the country. They had to leave people behind because they suspended flights out.
Robin read about some people who were arrested in Haiti for child trafficking. They claim that they were just helping orphans.
Robin said that there are bandits in Haiti who are raping women in camps down there. They’re doing that in the tents that they have set up for the victims of the earthquake.
Robin read some news about President Obama and had some audio clips of him talking about his health care plan. They spent a few minutes talking about that.
Robin had a story about how they say ”Who dat” in the NFL and people are saying that the term is now the property of the NFL. Anything with that term on it has to cease because they’re claiming they own the term. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about how the NFL is just looking to make a buck off of this. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:55am.