Football Discussions. 01/25/10. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: Sal’s ”Gary The Horse Tooth Jackass” song parody, Tommy Lasorda press conference freak out audio clip, Staind performing a cover of ”True Colors” live in the Howard Stern Show studio.
Howard started the show talking about how he had a lot to talk about and he didn’t know where to begin. He said he did watch the Jet game yesterday. He said he didn’t watch the other one. He was surprised at how important this game was to him. He said one thing about him is that once he’s a fan he gets into it. He said he is a Giants fan too but he was into the Jets. Robin said that’s okay to like the two teams but it seems that it’s not okay to like the Mets and Yankees.
Gary came in and said that the Giants don’t rub your face in it if they win like the Yankees fans do to Mets fans. Howard asked Gary about what went wrong with the Jets and Gary said that Peyton Manning is just brilliant and he’s a great player.
Howard asked if it’s because Peyton is so tall that he can see more of the field. Gary said that could be part of it.
Howard pointed out that Sal was in the hall wearing his Gary mask and pretending to cry over the Jets loss. Gary said the funny thing is that Sal couldn’t answer any questions about football. Howard said he can’t either.
Gary said he was really looking forward to the game yesterday and got up all excited about it. Howard said he was watching the game in the car with his SlingBox stuff. He said he didn’t want to miss the game and this was like the first time he ever used the SlingBox thing. Gary said he uses his all the time to watch games when he’s out. He can watch the stuff on his Blackberry. Howard said that SlingBox is a cool app.
Howard talked about how good the Jets game was and compared it to chess games he’s played. He said he was playing over the weekend and he was winning against a really good player but he ended up choking and lost. He said he’s done with Chess now that he lost like that. He said he was beating 1800 and 1900 level players and then he choked so he’s ready to give it up. Gary told him not to give it up. He said he enjoys it too much to give up.
Howard said he just tightened up like the Jets did. Howard and Gary talked about how it seems that Peyton Manning is the guy coaching the team, not the coach. Howard said that sometimes you have to do things that way and it works. He said when they were at WNBC they had that Pig Virus telling them everything to do and it just doesn’t work. Gary said Andy Bloom once said that the best thing to do with Howard Stern was just leave him alone.
Howard said he got upset that the Jets lost. He said he was upset that he didn’t have his dog in a Jets jersey. He said he turned to Beth at one point and said that Gary must be watching the game in his theater. Gary said he was sitting in the front row watching the game. He said he invited some friends over and his kids sat in the back at the bar. Gary said he only sat back there one time. Howard talked about the shitty seats Gary put in that theater and told him that he should rip out the bar and put in regular seats. Gary said people live that bar and they’re nice bar stools. Howard said they’re not seats though. Gary said this is boring. Howard said it’s only boring to Gary because it’s true.
Howard sand Robin goofed on Gary about his bar stool mistake but Gary said he wouldn’t have put another row back there if he didn’t have the bar because there isn’t that much room there. Howard said you put a couch back there then. Howard said that’s what every normal person does. Gary said he’s incorrect about that.
Howard said Gary is combining eating with watching movies and that’s wrong. Gary said that’s because Howard doesn’t know because he’s gay. Howard said he knows what he’s talking about and Gary is wrong.
Robin said you put in comfortable seats in a home theater. Howard said Gary won’t even sit on the stools in his theater because they shouldn’t be in there. Howard said Gary never eats there because he would never sit in seats like that. Gary said it’s a bar and he doesn’t eat there that much and he doesn’t have more than 8 people over at one time very much.
Robin and Howard continued to goof on Gary about his stools and he was trying to defend himself. Gary said he did a movie screening on Saturday night. He said he had over some people to watch ”The Hurt Locker” and one guy went back there and sat at the bar and said he liked it. Howard said he doesn’t believe what he’s saying. Gary said he’d get the guy on the phone right now. Howard didn’t believe it. Gary said no answer is good enough for Howard.
Gary tried arguing with Howard but it was pointless since Howard wasn’t going to see his point of view. Howard wondered if there are guys who ask to sit on seats with nails sticking out of them back there because the stools aren’t comfortable enough. That led to them playing a bunch of song parodies about Gary’s theater stools.
Gary wondered how he got sucked into that conversation again. He said he can’t believe he did that. Howard asked who was there at the game. Gary gave Howard the list of people and they had about 12 people there total. Gary said his son had some friends over too. He said his one son had to sit in a bean bag chair. Howard said he’s going to have issues when he grows up knowing his father made him sit in a bean bag chair.
Gary said the second game was even better than the Jets game. Howard said he isn’t that much of a man that he could watch a second game. Gary said that one went to 10:20 last night.
Howard and Gary spent a little time talking about that second game. Howard asked about what happened to Favre and all of that. They also talked about the Pro Bowl and how stupid it is that they’re playing the game at the time of year they are this year. They thought that people would like to see it the week between the Super Bowl and the play offs. He said that no one is going to want to see it.
Howard said Gary took the Jets loss pretty hard. He said it’s kind of sad. Robin said she was in the airport and no one was making any noise like they would have if they had won.
Howard said someone got tazered at the stadium before the game. Howard said the cops claim the kid was in the parking lot throwing beer on people and not moving along when they asked him to. They tazered the guy over that and the kid’s father is a lawyer so he’s saying the kid was doing nothing but being rowdy.
Howard said if the cops ask you to move then just move. He said they were trying to do their jobs and this guy was moving slow. Howard said the father claims he was doing nothing wrong and they were just picking on him for having a Jets jersey on.
Haiti Benefit Show Discussions. 01/25/10. 6:25am
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Gary is an asshole Jets fan and he hopes he rots in hell. He told Howard how much he loves him and then told Robin he wanted to stick his dick between her tits and jizz all over her face and then said that Beth is a horse face. Howard said that guy was an asshole but then said he loved him.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Julia Roberts didn’t wear anything sexy on this Haiti fund raiser concert. Howard said he knew that was going to happen. He said Julia Roberts probably figured she didn’t have to look sexy on the show.
Howard said they did a great job with the concert but Julia Roberts is a big star and you should look your best. He said she should have put on some fuckin’ lipstick and brushed her hair. He said she’s got something weird going on with her hair. He said he’s not a handsome guy but he’s not where he is because he’s handsome. He said Julia Roberts stood up and she was wearing bad jeans and ugly shoes. He said she looked like she had just been through an earthquake herself.
Howard said Julia wouldn’t have done this if she was trying to get famous now. He said she appears to have given up and thrown in the towel. He wondered why she gave up. The caller said the jacket she had on was like 10 sizes too big for her like she lost a lot of weight.
Howard said Stevie Wonder is a great performer and he loves some of his albums but every time he comes on he hits the fast forward. He said he couldn’t take his performance on the show. Howard said Bruce Springsteen was great but he fast forwarded through Sting too. He said his songs are boring and they don’t put their best effort on.
Howard asked JD if he had any audio from the show to play. JD said he didn’t have any because he was busy working on some other stuff. He said he was just about to pull the Haiti stuff. Howard asked if the medication isn’t working for him. JD said he just got in at like 4:30 this morning so that’s why he’s not up to that yet. Howard said maybe it’s the medication that’s not working. He’s on Zoloft and Howard figured maybe it’s not going to work for him the way he thought.
Howard said he thought Madonna was awful on that show. He said Jennifer Hudson was great. Howard said Christina Aguilera should hang it up. He said she should just sing a good fuckin’ song. He said that Jay-Z and Bono song was pissing him off. They had Bono drowned out in that one. He said U2 should have done a song. Gary said that’s what he thought too.
Howard wondered what kind of glasses Bono was wearing. Fred said he thinks he’s trying to hide his age with those things. Howard said he seems to be turning into Lady Gaga with those things.
Gary said Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock were good. Howard said he didn’t know Kid Rock could sing so well. Gary said he knew that and so did Robin. Howard said Robin didn’t even see the concert. She said she knew from his past performances.
Howard said that Justin Timberlake was horrible. He went off on that performance for a short time. Howard said the concert was well done overall. He said he fast forwarded over the pieces about Haiti and he wondered why Anderson Cooper kept plugging where he was from when he’d say he was from CNN. He said no one else was doing that.
Gary said Reese Witherspoon was over acting on there. Howard said they had Chris Rock on the show and he read something that Muhammad Ali had written. He said Chris is great but he can’t do a dramatic read. He said they should have had someone else do the reading, not Chris. They talked about how odd Muhammad Ali looked too. They talked about his glassy eyes and how odd he looked.
Gary said that Beyonce was good in the concert. Howard said that was okay. He said he fast forwarded through most of it.
Howard said Kid Rock, Sheryl Crow and Bruce were the best on the show. Fred said he though Kid Rock was kind of ”ratty” in his performance. Howard said Fred is wrong. Fred said he knows that it’s Howard’s show so he’ll go along with him on that.
Howard said Nicole Kidman has to calm down with the botox. He said she’s looking really odd. Gary brought up Madonna too and said that she’s looking Asian with whatever it is she’s doing to her face. Howard said Julia Roberts really should have been glamorous on the show and not look the way she did. He said people are tuning in to see beauty and not that look she had.
Conan O’Brien’s Final Show. 01/25/10. 6:40am
Howard said he watched the final Conan O’Brien Tonight Show. Howard said he hates that people constantly applaud someone for something. He said he had Tom Hanks on the show and he was very awkward. Howard said Tom seems to know Conan in some capacity but it was kind of awkward. He said Tom was the wrong choice to have on the show for the last show. Howard said Tom kept saying that he was having a very special guest on and it turned out to be Will Ferrel.
Howard said Will is a nice guy and all but he’s really stiff as a guest. He said Will came out dressed as a southern rock kind of guy and stood in front of a band with Beck, Billy Gibbons and some other guys. Will did this Freebird song and it was like watching Will having fun with the band and even he must have known it sucked. Howard said this is why Conan failed with his show. He let people take over his show and make it not funny or fun.
Howard said Neil Young was on the show too. He said he was good and they should have brought out the real Lynrd Skynrd. Howard said he heard that Neil Young came out and sang Pants on the Ground, the Jimmy Fallon version. Howard said that would have been hysterical if he had done that. Howard said that would have been great for the final show.
Howard said Conan’s final show wasn’t all that great. He did a speech at the end of the show and he was bordering on tears. Howard said Conan thanked NBC for what they did for him. Howard said NBC shit on him so bad and he thanked them for that. Howard said NBC came up with that plan to keep Conan there and they orchestrated moving Jay out of the spot and giving it to Conan. Howard said he wished he had those clips from the show too.
Howard Gives JD The Power To Fire Scott. 01/25/10. 6:45am
He asked JD if he had those Conan clips ready. JD came in and said he will have it in 10 minutes after the Bruce Springsteen song is done recording.
Howard said JD’s new hours aren’t working. He told JD to give Scott the Engineer some more work and tell him what clips he needs to pull. Howard said maybe JD could work on Sunday and take Friday’s off. JD said he could do that too.
Howard gave JD the power to fire Scott if he can’t get his work done. He gave him full control over him to help him pull clips. He said that JD is his go to guy and he has the power to fire him like he did with Ronnie. JD said he’s going to pull the Conan clips and pause the Haiti stuff. Howard said the moment has passed already and he has to move on.
Howard asked JD what he had pulled so far. JD said he had some Heidi Montag stuff pulled. Howard didn’t understand why he had that and not the other stuff. JD said he’s going to start coming in on the weekend. Howard said he doesn’t need to do that. He said he can have Scott pulling clips. He said that JD is now Scott’s boss and he can fire him. He told JD he needs someone tough to run things around there and JD is the right guy for that.
Howard told JD that Tim isn’t Scott’s boss anymore, he is. Howard said he needs to know if Scott needs to be fired. He said he can take that away from him. He said it’s their last year there and they need to buckle down and make it all work.
Howard told JD he could see the tears in his eyes. JD said that he doesn’t have tears in his eyes. He said he’d have tears only because he didn’t have what he needed for him. Howard said he is now a man and he has the power to get his job done. He said that maybe Sal and Richard can help out too. He told JD he isn’t their boss but he is Scott’s boss. Howard said he wants him to be tough on Scott. This is a promotion for JD there. He said it’s just a title though so he won’t be getting a raise.
Howard said JD should tell Gary to get off his dumb bar stool and help him out too. Howard said Gary should be helping him out with that stuff as well. Gary said JD never told him that he was in distress. He said until he started coming in at 4 he was always caught up. Gary said he didn’t know he was having any issue until today.
Howard blamed Gary for putting too much on JD. Gary said he didn’t know that. He said maybe JD and Scott should revers salaries because JD is working his ass off and Scott isn’t. He said JD is his good worker and he doesn’t want to burn him out. Howard said they have to heap some work on Scott. He said maybe JD needs an intern. JD said he doesn’t need an intern. Howard asked what he does need. JD said he needs to calm down and pull his stuff. He said he just wants to get back to work. JD said he has plenty of resources but he’s not comfortable giving other people the work he has to do.
Howard told Gary to help him out and ”Dell’Egate” his work. He said Gary is busy playing solitaire in there on his computer all morning while JD is trying to get his work done.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that last 10 minutes was making him laugh. He said he was going to be laughing all day long. Howard said JD is back there working hard while Scott is in his office laughing that he’s getting away with doing nothing. Howard asked what Scott has been working on all morning. Howard said he’ll probably say he was working on Best of or something. Howard asked Scott to come in and tell him what he’s been working on.
Scott came in and said that he will do whatever he wants. Scott said he pulled news and a Prince song. Scott said he downloads stuff to give Robin later. He said he was doing stuff all morning. Howard said he liked it better when Scott was smoking and fat.
Scott said he’ll do whatever Howard wants. He said he’ll help JD out if he wants him to no problem. Howard told Scott when he cracks to just do it at home and not there at work. He said Scott went from looking like a cancer patient to looking like an AIDS patient.
The ”Who Would You Sleep With” Game. 01/25/10. 7:00am
Howard said he’s been playing a game with Beth where they pick people they’d fuck. He said that he’ll throw Ronnie and Scott into the mix and it turns out great. He said that Beth wouldn’t want him saying who she picked though. He said they mix it up and it’s a great game.
Howard gave Robin the names Scott or Ronnie. Robin had a tough time picking. She picked Ronnie over Scott. Howard asked her if she’d take Scott or JD. Robin said that she would pick Scott over JD. She said that JD is all mental now. Howard asked if she’d pick Scott or a zucchini. she said she’s taking the zucchini.
Howard asked Robin about Medicated Pete or High Pitch Mike in the news room. Robin said that she’d have to take Pete. Howard laughed at that choice. Howard said Robin should be in bed with him and Beth. He said they’ll have to play that game in private. He said that she could give her reasons why if she did it in private. Howard asked Robin about Fred and Gary and Robin picked Fred over Gary.
Howard asked Robin Fred or Tim Sabean. Robin picked Fred again. He asked her Scott the Engineer or Jason. Robin picked Jason. Howard asked Fred if he would give Richard or Sal a hand job. Fred said he wouldn’t do either. Robin had to pick between Richard and Sal too. Robin said she was going back and forth in her head like a ping pong ball. She went with Richard in the end.
Sal came in and said that they wanted to show Fred their penises to help Fred decide. Fred said he was going to punch them if they came over. Fred told them to take them out and he’d throw something at them. Fred said no one wants Sal’s dick, not even his wife.
Richard asked if this would help Robin decide. Howard said she already picked him. Richard missed that part. Howard said she didn’t say why she picked him over Sal though.
More Conan O’Brien Discussions. 01/25/10. 7:10am
The caller on the line said that Howard should have been on Conan’s last show. He said he could have saved it. Howard said he’s right about that. He said he would have walked out during that speech Conan gave and told him that he was a stupid ass for saying NBC was good to him. Howard said if JD ever gets that clip he’ll comment on it more.
Howard said Conan was a writer on Saturday Night Live and he got the job that David Letterman vacated. He said that Conan didn’t even have a contract from week to week over there. He said they’ve treated him like horse shit for 17 years. He said they finally gave him a contract after humiliating him for years.
JD came in and told Howard he had the Conan clip for him. Howard played some of the speech Conan made where he talked about how he likes NBC even after what they did to him. Howard said Conan is an asshole and he should have been bashing them.
Howard said he got a note from someone about the Conan situation. He said he had it on his Blackberry and found the email after a quick search. He read the email and the writer pointed out how NBC screwed Leno 6 years ago and then they screwed Conan with the same deal. Howard said at least he’s getting paid with that contract he had. Howard said this guy is thanking them for what they did to him. He said he doesn’t get that.
Howard said he was going to throw up watching that whole thing. He said Conan is a good dude but he wasn’t going to fly out to California to be on his show. Howard said he isn’t going to risk his life to do that show by flying out there. Howard said he watched the 3D simulation of Sully landing his plane after some birds hit the plane. Howard said he’s not going to risk it for Conan.
Howard and Fred acted out what it would be like for him to be in a plane hit by birds. Fred played some sound effects while Howard said what a great idea it was to fly out there for free to do that show.
Howard said he sat home and played chess instead. Howard said he doesn’t want to die flying out to California to say goodbye to Conan.
Howard said that Will Ferrell thing was the lamest thing he’s seen on TV. He played more of the speech Conan made on his show about NBC and how he did things his way with people he loves. Conan said he doesn’t regret one moment of what he did there either. Howard said he should thank NBC for stealing all of his guests and not giving him a good lead in. Howard said his reputation is now damaged.
Howard said he read that FOX is hiring Conan and he’s hoping that he takes away some of Jay’s audience. Howard said Jay is going on Oprah to recover his once great image. He said Jay will be on that show on Thursday.
Howard said he has a guy who reads a blog to him by this guy who is a ventriloquist. Howard said that Jay shows up to do stuff for his monologue at this club and Jay takes the money from the club when he does it. Howard said Jay shouldn’t be taking money from a club like that. He said that it’s probably a struggling club and Jay is taking money from them. Howard said the club is called The Lounge, he thinks. Howard said he’s not even sure if it’s real or not. Howard said Jay waits there for his check after doing the routine. Howard read the blog that was Jay Johnson and the guy talks about the way Leno shows up at the club and works out some of his material for the monologue and then takes the cover charge from the club.
Howard said Oprah is going to sit there and suck Jay’s balls this week. He said he knows that she’s going to do that. He said he can’t believe that Jay would take the money from a club like that. He said he’s not even sure if the story is true. He said it was from that Jay Johnson guy’s blog so he’s not sure if it was true or not.
Howard read more of that Jay Johnson blog and he talks about Jay Leno showing up to the club in a multi-million dollar car and then stands around waiting for a $2,000 check from the club. Howard said this Oprah is going to help the guy out by throwing him a bunch of softball questions.
Howard said he’s sick. He said he waned to blow off all of the commercials today but he had to do it. He said he wants to do a commercial free day one day. He said that he’d like to fly down to Oprah’s show and ask a few questions with Jay. He said if they’d have him on the show he would fly out there. Howard swore to god that if Oprah called him and said she would put him on with Jay, he would go. Robin told Gary to get on that and tell Oprah that Howard will do the show. Howard said he has a few questions for that Dickwad Jay Leno. He knows she won’t call though. He had to go to break after that.
Will Ferrell’s Lazy, Lame, Awful, Karaoke Freebird Performance. 01/25/10. 7:35am
After the break we heard a prank call Sal and Richard made to the ”Beyond” public access TV show. Fred also played Aerosmith’s ”Love In An Elevator” as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said he saw Steven Tyler was doing Karaoke somewhere after getting out of rehab… at a bar. He said that’s not a good place to be. Robin said that would be like Tim Sabean being at a restaurant.
Howard played some audio of the last 5 minutes of Conan O’Brien’s show where Will Ferrell did his lame bit singing karaoke. Howard said it should have been a powerful moment but it wasn’t funny. Howard said Will was singing karaoke while everyone was backing him up and he wondered what the hell was going on there.
Howard played the clip where Will was thanking Conan for having him on the show. Howard said they were making it out to be a big deal saying it was a ”special guest” but it was just Will Ferrell singing. Howard said they had all of these great guys backing him but it was just awful. He said it was lazy and it went on for 6 minutes.
Howard let some of the song play and said that it was going on and on and on. He said he wasn’t sure what it was supposed to be. He wasn’t singing all that great and it wasn’t funny. Howard said Robin Williams was on the night before and it was funny. He said it was great. He’s not sure what this is with Will Ferrell. Howard let it play some more and kept wondering why Will would do that and why Conan would let him. Robin said he wasn’t a good singer at all.
Howard said they really did need him to come on that show. He said it’s no wonder they called. Howard took a call from a guy who said that last show was good other than Will Ferrell and Tom Hanks. Howard said that was most of the show. Those two guests were like 45 minutes of the hour.
The caller brought up Shakira’s performance on the Haiti benefit show. Howard said she was good but her thick legs weren’t for him. The caller said he’s into thick legs like that. Howard said she dressed poorly. Howard said Julia Roberts looked like a train wreck. The caller said she looked like a sea hag. Howard agreed with that. Howard said that telethon didn’t get him to donate to them. He said he donated money on his own though.
Lisa G’s Howard 100 News Preview. 01/25/10. 7:45am
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. She came in and the microphone went limp. Lisa said that’s what it’s like with her when she’s with guys. Howard asked if that’s true. Lisa said it has happened over the years but not a lot. Howard asked if it was more than once. She said she’s sure it was but she didn’t remember specifics. Howard said that he’s never lost his erection unless he’s really not into the girl. Lisa said it could be the alcohol or something.
Howard said maybe there was a smell down there or something too. He said that could cause a guy to lose his erection. Howard said he’d be out of there if someone smelled bad. Lisa said that it’s very acidic down there and even if you douche you can’t fix some problems. Howard said that he’ll go limp if he catches a whiff.
Robin said that 20 year olds don’t have that problem doing a woman if she stinks. Howard said he doesn’t know about that. Howard said if he catches a whiff that will slow him down. He said he has suffered through it before though.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to come to Lisa’s defense. He said that some guys jerk off before a date to make sure they last longer but that can cause you go to limp. Howard said he’s never had that problem. He said he can cum and be ready in 10 minutes to do it again. Howard said he’s not sure how some guys hold out because it feels so good down there. Robin said that not everyone has the same experience as Howard does. Howard said that Viagra is for guys who are gay and are trying to be with women. He said he doesn’t believe that a guy needs help if he’s with a woman he’s really into. Robin said that’s just not the case.
Howard and Robin were talking about Bubba using pills for that stuff. Howard said he doesn’t think Bubba needs it.
Lisa said that they have a story about Ronnie doing his new show tonight on Howard 101. The show is called ”Listen Stupid.” Howard said it didn’t sound good to him from her description. He said he’s ready to get rid of the show already and it hasn’t even aired yet.
Lisa said that Yucko the Clown is still pissed off at Gary and the way he turned vicious on him last week. Lisa said that some good news came out of that whole thing and sales of his iPhone app have taken off since that argument last week.
Ronnie came in so Howard could give him some advice for his new show. Howard said he’ll let him do that but he wants him to calm down with the cursing. Ronnie asked Lisa why guy’s dicks are falling apart with her. Lisa said she was just there to read the headlines.
Howard asked Ronnie if he needs help to get an erection. Ronnie said he doesn’t. He said he has tried the pills but he doesn’t really need them. Howard let Ronnie and Lisa go after that.
Howard’s Stink. 01/25/10. 7:55am
Howard said he went to the doctor last week and had his physical. He said they did everything and the doctor told him that he’s in good shape. He said the guy told him he makes his job easier because he’s in such good shape.
Howard said he had a problem on this trip. He said he gets nervous going to the doctor but the guy is his friend. He said that he switched deodorants because he got freaked out by the aluminum being in it. He said that he was using Dry Idea for years and years. He said he decided to switch it because he was afraid of getting cancer. He tried one and it was terrible. He went back to Dry Idea. He said he smelled like a rotten fish from that new one. Howard said he found this deodorant called Nature’s Gate. He said it was working okay and he would have to take another shower after the day. He said Dry Idea worked so well he didn’t have to shower. He said that he was catching a whiff from the new stuff but it was only after wearing it for like 24 hours. He was okay with that.
Howard said he went to the doctor and he was nervous about the finger up his ass. He said he realized he smelled from wearing the deodorant all day long. He said he had to go to the shrink before the physical. Otherwise he would have showered first. He said they asked him to take his shirt off and the nurse came in and he could smell himself. He said he could smell his pits. Howard said he kept his arms to his side and he’s sure she didn’t catch a whiff.
Howard said they had him put his shirt back on and then had him take his clothes off again. He took them off and waited and he could smell himself. He said he took his socks and started wiping under his arms. He said his socks then smelled like his horrible underarms. He said he’s a famous guy and he can’t be doing this. Howard said he was trying to dry his arms but he kept smelling it. He said he was rubbing his socks under there and it was awful.
Howard said the doctor came in and he was all worried about the finger up his ass. He said he almost said something about the stink. He said he wasn’t sure if he could smell it or not. Howard said he was cursing out his deodorant.
Howard said the doctor was examining him. He said that he was told that he wasn’t going to put his finger up his ass because he wanted him to schedule a colonoscopy. Howard said he knew a guy who had one at 50 and then at 60. He said now the guy wants him to get one after 6 years. Howard said he didn’t get the finger up his ass but now he has to get another colonoscopy. Howard said the guy told him it’s better to get that than get cancer.
Howard said he has to have the pipe up his ass and he doesn’t like having that done. He said last time he woke up with a stain on the chair.
,Howard said the doctor told him that he should start taking one aspirin a day just to keep heart attacks away. Robin said that if there’s noting wrong with him then he shouldn’t be taking it. She went off on the doctors who do this and said that they go by an age chart and don’t consider the shape the person is in.
Howard said Rick Rubin told him about a web site that tells you about products and how dangerous they are. He said he went on the site to read about the deodorant on that site. He said he was thinking of using the Dry Idea on the day he has to get the colonoscopy done.
Howard said he went on this site and they do all kinds of research to figure out what products are dangerous. He said he put in Dry Idea and Nature’s Gate on the site and he couldn’t figure it out. Howard read the email that Rick sent to him and it’s called SkinDeep.com. He said that they basically say that Nature’s Gate is more dangerous to you than Dry Idea. Benjy tried to get on the site but it was already locked up. Howard said he had trouble getting on the site too. He said they may have shitty service.
Howard said according to what he read, the old deodorant was a 4 and this Nature’s Gate is a 6 or 8 or something like that. He said he can’t go around smelling.
Benjy said that maybe it was CosmeticDatabase.com. Robin had the site up on her computer. She did the search for Howard and found that
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who asked about the Tiger Woods Mistress beauty pageant. Howard said they’ve locked in 3 women for the contest so far and one of the three will be winning $100,000 courtesy of AshleyMadison.com.
Robin found the information on the site and found that Dry Idea was listed at a 3 with Nature’s Gate coming in with an 8 but it wasn’t clear why.
Howard said they’re looking for bands to play on the show for a contest. They have more information at Sirius.com/HowardStern.
Robin and Benjy found some more info on the Nature’s Gate stuff and they were finding that it was horrible for you based on this web site. Howard said he’s going back to his old deodorant if that’s the case. He said the old stuff was great. Howard said Beth uses stuff with aluminum in it and she was wondering why he was so worried.
Prince And Heidi Montag Clips. 01/25/10. 8:15am
Howard said he had some audio clips to play and Scott Weiland put out a Christmas album. He played Scott singing ”Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” and said it’s kind of like David Bowie and Bing Crosby’s Christmas song.
Howard said Prince put out a Minnesota Vikings song and it’s awful. He said the guy is looking very effeminate these days too. He wondered if that guy is really claiming that he’s never sucked a cock. Howard said there’s nothing masculine about that guy. Howard said the Prince song is terrible. He played it and said it was very effeminate. He said it doesn’t make you want to go out and fight at all.
Howard played some Heidi Montag clips from an entertainment interview she did where she talked about all of the plastic surgery she had done. She was talking about her facial surgery and the new implants she got. She’s looking to get H-cups for Heidi.
Howard said this chick is wacky. He said she’s only like 22 years old and she’s doing all of this stuff to herself. Robin said she looks ridiculous and doesn’t look ”real.” Howard said it is interesting though because he’s listening to these interviews.
Howard said that Heidi has a song out and she thinks that she’s going to outsell Thriller. Howard said she’s only sold like 1000 copies so far. He played the song and said it was horrible. He said it was even worse than the Prince song.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Prince song was the gayest shit he had ever heard. Howard said no football fan is going to be singing along to that song.
Howard replayed that awful Prince song and Fred threw in some gay porn audio clips while it played. Howard said that guy has lost touch. Robin said he’s singing in a really odd way. Howard said he’s not a musician but he’d like to throw a more manly song in there. He played Mark Harris’ ”I’m a Gay Papa” song. Howard spent a minute talking about that song and wondering what Mark was talking about with some of the lyrics. He said it’s a better fight song than the Prince song was.
Fred played the real fight song for the Vikings and it sounded fine to Howard. Howard said that’s drunken men singing about football.
Howard read some details of Heidi’s album and how she thinks she’ll outsell Thriller. Howard said he’s sure th second song sounds good. He played that one next. He said it sounded remarkably different than the last one. Robin said it sounds very generic to her. She said there are others doing similar stuff better.
Celebrity Ghost Stories Show Discussions. 01/25/10. 8:30am
Howard said he heard from Kidd Chris about this show on The Biogrpahy channel called ”Celebrity Ghost Stories.” Robin said she hasn’t seen it but she’s heard of it. Howard said Carrie Fisher has a story on that show and she had some gay dude over at her house and he died in her bed and now he’s haunting her. Howard asked JD if he had that clip. JD was still working on the other stuff from earlier in the morning. Howard said the show is almost over at this point. He told JD to have Scott pull some of it. JD said that Scott is working on some stuff already.
Howard said that the Biography channel stuff will have to wait until tomorrow. JD said he would have it for tomorrow. He said he didn’t know Howard was going to bring it up. That led to Howard telling Gary that he has to help JD out with this. Gary said that JD has to tell him if he’s having problems. Howard said JD is telling him he has problems because he’s on these pills after his break down.
Howard said that if you’re a celebrity and you’re doing celebrity ghost stories then it has to be bad. Gary said he has a list of the people on the show and it’s a list of people who can’t get work. Robin said Carrie had a show on Broadway. Howard said she’s mental thinking that she has a ghost in her house. Howard read the list of people on the show and they have some people who are working but there are some who are out of work. Howard said that it was basically a list of people who want to get on TV for any reason. Jay Thomas is on the list. He said that Tracy Lords was also on there.
Meat Loaf’s Daughter’s Music. 01/25/10. 8:35am
Howard had some audio of Meat Loaf’s daughter Pearl singing. He said he was going to play that stuff but he ended up getting sidetracked by a story about Paul Harvey. He said that he read that he used to send his show ideas for his show to J. Edgar Hoover to get approval and comments. Howard read through that story and said that the guy was a cop groupie. He said that Hoover would apparently read this stuff and respond. He said the guy must have thought Harvey was a weirdo.
Howard read the article where they talk about Harvey’s relationship with Hoover and how Hoover was interested in what he was doing. They have letters that the two of them sent to each other. Howard said it’s something that lovers would do. Howard said that Harvey was a real suck up.
Howard got back to the Pearl clips and played her song. He said she looks kind of cute too. He said she’s definitely not like Meat Loaf. Gary said they show side boob inside the album cover. Howard said you can never trust the album cover art. He said they could have touched it up. Howard seemed to like the song. A caller said that the chick is dating Scott Ian from Anthrax so he plays guitar on the song.
A Caller Plays The Big Foot Game. 01/25/10. 8:40am
Howard took a call from a guy and asked if he wanted to play a game. The caller was up for it so Howard explained that they asked Big foot to say a word and all he had to do was repeat it. The caller had to guess if he could say them. The first one was Pantathalon. The caller said there was no way he could say it. Big Foot wasn’t able to even get close. The next word was Frankenstein. The caller said that he’d be able to say it. Big Foot had no problem.
Next up was the word ”Pronunciation.” The caller said no way. Big Foot wasn’t able to get it. The caller ended up winning $711 from 7-Eleven.
Howard played some more words like Psychiatrist, which Big foot wasn’t able to get. He was able to say Baba Booey. Bananas came out as ”Babaianas.” Howard said he likes that game. They need to play more of that. They had to go to break after that.
Leslie West Visits. 01/25/10. 8:55am
After the break Howard came right back and said that Leslie west was stopping by today. He said that Leslie is one of the best guitar players of all time. Howard said Leslie’s going to be playing with Jack Bruce Jr. and Corky Lang soon. Fred played Mountain’s ”Mississippi queen” as Leslie was coming in.
Leslie came in and said he wanted to blow some smoke up his ass a bit. He said three years ago Jay-Z put out a song using some of his music so he gets some of the royalties from that. He said he said that Kanye West took the same song and wrote two more songs with his music. Howard asked if he can make hundreds of thousands or millions. Leslie said that it’s more than the Mountain money. Howard asked if it was millions. Leslie didn’t want to say exactly how much it was.
Leslie told him that it was the song ”99 Problems” that he was getting the money from. Then Kanye came out with his songs. He said he was on Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy asked why he sampled Leslie West. He said he and his friends just have good ears for that. Howard asked how much money he’s getting from that. Leslie said he’s getting checks constantly. He said he’s got a great management team now and he’s doing very well.
Howard asked Leslie how much he was spending on heroin when he was using. Leslie said he knows exactly how much he spent. He said he spent $400,000. Leslie said he was taking private jets to places to get the heroin. He said he would go out after the show and get his stuff.
Howard asked Leslie how he got off heroin. He said he was thinking about that because of Artie. Leslie said that Artie should sue his therapist. Howard said Artie wasn’t going to that therapist, he was lying about it.
Leslie said he went to a methadone clinic and they weaned him off of the stuff so slowly that he didn’t even realize it when he was done. He said it might be too late for Artie but a drug intervention may have helped. He said that stuff can lead you down a really bad road.
Leslie said he’s married now and he’s never been suicidal. He said now that he’s married he’s definitely not suicidal. Howard asked him about the injections he used to have to give himself to get hard. Leslie said he has a new thing going so he doesn’t have to inject himself anymore. He said he met his wife and he found he didn’t need the injection. He said he has to take a Cialis once in a while but not every time.
Howard asked Leslie how he got this wife he has now. He said Gary told him that she has the biggest tits he’s ever seen. Leslie said they’re not that big. They talked about how Leslie met this woman. Leslie said that Corky Lang walked in with her on their tour bus and he said there was no way Corky was going to get her. He said he threw everyone off the bus and spoke to her for 2 hours. He said she was a manager of some steak houses down in Florida and they ended up going a year and a half before he called her again. Leslie said that he was home on a Saturday night and gave her a call. Howard had Gary trot this woman into the studio.
Gary brought in Leslie’s wife Jenni and Howard asked how old she is. She said she’s 37 and Leslie is 64. Howard said that’s not that much of an age spread. Howard asked Jenni if she knew who Leslie was when she met him. She said that her parents had to tell her who he was. She has 3 kids and had one of them when she was 15.
Howard found out that Jenni was divorced when she met Leslie. Howard asked how his penis works. She said that it works really well. She said when he injects his penis it gets really big and she likes it better when he doesn’t do that. Howard said she’s so hot that his penis gets hard on its own. He said that’s the greatest thing.
Howard said he told Robin earlier that it’s the girls fault and he was right. Robin said it’s not always the girl’s fault.
Howard heard that Leslie was mad at Robin for not thanking him for donating a guitar to her charity to be auctioned off. Robin said she knows that it was handled wrong. She said that she never even saw the guitar. Leslie said he dropped it off with Jason and Robin never thanked him. Howard said he would have sent him a thank-you note if he had known.
Howard said that Leslie is going to be at the Ridgefield Playhouse in Connecticut this Thursday night. He’ll be there with Fred and his band. They talked about that for a short time.
Howard asked Robin how she screwed up with Leslie and didn’t thank him. Robin said she just wasn’t organized with that whole thing. She said Leslie wasn’t overlooked. She said that she really appreciates what he did for the charity.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Leslie who his favorite guitar players were. He said they were Clapton, Jimi Hendrix,Eddie Van Halen, Joe Satriani and Jeff Beck.
Howard told Robin that she should make out with Jenni to make Leslie’s dream come true. Leslie said that’s not a dream he’s had.
Howard spent a little more time talking to Jenni and found out she used to emcee a wet t-shirt contest in Florida. She said that she made good money hosting it too. Howard said he’s sure she could win the contests. He asked if her boobs were real. She said they’re real… expensive. Leslie said they’re done so well that he can’t even tell they’re not real.
Howard gave Leslie some more plugs and said that you can find out more about tickets at RidgefieldPlayhouse.org. You can also go to Fret12.com and LiveNation.com for ticket information on his other shows.
Leslie asked Howard if he plays the guitar he gave him. Howard said he has it hanging on his wall but he doesn’t play it because he really doesn’t play guitar.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loved it when Leslie used to bust Stuttering John’s balls. Leslie did some more of that and asked if John has a job. Howard said he thinks that he does still have a job as a writer on Leno’s show. Leslie did more of the stuttering thing that he used to do to John. He said he never did hear John play. He said he had a solo album out that was so low that no one heard it.
Leslie told Howard about the company that makes his picks making up some special picks for Howard. He had some with Howard’s fist and SIRIUS on it. Howard stuttered and thanked Leslie for that. Leslie said that was a quicker thank you than he got from Robin. Leslie asked if they raised a lot of money for that charity. Robin said they did raise $250,000 for it. They talked about that for a short time and Jenni said that they’re working for a charity in Haiti for a clinic that they have up and running over there. She said that they only have one clinic up and running right now and it’s about 80 miles from the epicenter of the earthquake.
Leslie told Howard that he would be a great host on American Idol. Howard said he agrees with him on that. He’s said that himself. Howard said he knows how to talk to people and give an honest opinion. Howard said he has his own thing going though and he doesn’t need to do a show like that. Howard said he has this radio show and his own TV show.
Howard thanked Leslie for coming in and wrapped up with him and his wife. Howard said he likes to see them happy the way they are. Howard gave Leslie some more plugs and played a track off the CD Leslie had brought in. It was ”Theme From an Imaginary Western” without vocals. Leslie ended up singing them live in the studio to the music bed. Howard let Leslie sing along with the whole song.
Leslie told Howard the song was about Cream going out on tour. Howard said he didn’t know that. Leslie said he never really knew it in the beginning either. Howard said he thought it was about a wagon. He didn’t know it was about Cream on the road. He said they should have said that’s what it was about with the lyrics. Leslie said the music is what gets him first and not the lyrics. They went to break a short time later.
Hope For Haiti Concert Clips. 01/25/10. 9:45am
After the break Howard came right back and asked Fred if he gets paid opening up for Leslie. Fred said he does but it’s more about opening up for him that the money. Fred said that they get about 20 minutes on stage before Leslie goes on.
Howard said he finally had the Hope for Haiti Concert clips. It was a little late in the show for it but he was going to play a few clips. He talked about how good Bruce Springsteen was and how he had a bunch of black people singing with him. Howard said they were like Gospel types. Howard played some of that song for Robin. He said he likes that kind of stuff.
Howard said Christina Aguilera sucked even though she has a great voice. He said the song she did was just shitty. Robin said she should sing a hit song, not a song about Haiti. She said that she should have done a song that would people make tune in to watch.
Howard said Beth ended up falling asleep during the concert. He said he had to still there and watch it. He said that John Legend guy came out and bored him too. He said he lasted about 15 seconds with him. Robin said a telethon isn’t about bumming people out. They’re supposed to be entertaining people. Robin said she liked the song though. Fred agreed with Howard that it was boring.
Howard said Shakira came on and did her thing. He said he watched all of her performance. The song was good. Robin said that they nothing about singing. Howard said he knows about entertaining. He said her song was pleasant and he liked her. He thought she was talented.
Howard said he thought he would like Stevie Wonder but he didn’t dig his stuff. He said he had to tune out. Howard said he got bored. Howard played some of his performance. Howard said Stevie goes on way too long. Even Robin agreed that ”Bridge Over Troubled Water” was a bad choice for Stevie.
Howard said he liked the telethon because he just fast forwarded through the stuff he didn’t like. He said he liked Shakira and Bruce and that was about it. He didn’t like Sting’s performance. Robin said she liked what he was playing. Howard said he fast forwarded right through that.
Howard played some of Taylor Swift’s song but she wasn’t looking that hot so he went right through it on that show. He said she showed that she’s not that great of a singer in the concert. Robin said that’s true based on what she just heard.
Howard didn’t like Chris Martin from Coldplay either. He played some of that and said he forwarded right through that one too. Howard said it’s no wonder Gwyneth Paltrow is bored.
Howard said he sat through the performance that Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock did. He played some of that. He played some of Madonna’s performance and said that she was really bad. Robin said it was a little ”pitchy.” Howard said she’s entertaining at least so he sat through that. Mary J. Blidge bored him. Howard said so did Justin Timberlake. He said his song was a shitty song too.
Howard said he liked Jennifer Hudson’s performance. He played some of that song next. He said she’s got a beautiful face and added that’s what you say about fat people. Howard said he hung in with that one.
Howard said Jay-Z, Bono and Rihanna came out and did a song. He said Bono should have done his own song. He said he looked stupid up there performing with them. He played some of that audio and said he bailed on that performance too.
Howard said Neil Young came out but Dave Matthews ruined it for him. Howard said Dave Matthews is horrible. He said he forced Neil to do one of his shitty songs. Howard listened to some of that and said it was horrible. He said he had to fast forward through that shit.
Howard said Wyclef Jean was great in his performance. He played some of that but didn’t know what he was listening to so he bailed out. He also brought up Chris Rock and Muhammad Ali coming out and doing their weird thing. He said that Chris was fucking up the Champ’s words and the guy was so out of it he didn’t even know. Howard played that and said it came out a little slow. Howard said he should have read it as Muhammad Ali or had Will Smith come out and read it.
Howard said Clint Eastwood came out with Matt Damon and Matt is looking like he has more wrinkles than Clint does these days. Howard said Clint is all pulled back now. Robin wanted to hear Clint speak but Howard was going to bail on that clip. He played some of Clint’s speech but quickly got bored.
Howard said they did this weird thing at the concert. They played audio of Reese Witherspoon speaking to a person who donated. He said it was very odd sounding. He played that audio where she was speaking to this person and thanking them way too much. Howard imagined what that call would be like if the guy wanted to fuck Reese and she was turning him down.
Howard said Steven Spielberg was answering phones too. He played some of that audio where Spielberg picks up and introduces himself. Howard said Mel Gibson was sitting up there too and he wondered why they didn’t kick his ass off of the stage. Robin said it’s Hollywood so they’d never do that. Howard let that play for a couple of minutes. Howard said it went on a little long and he’s not sure why they had to make conversation with these people.
Howard said he enjoyed the concert in the truncated way he watched it. He said he didn’t have the audio of Julia Roberts speaking.
Howard 100 News And Wrap Up Show Previews. 01/25/10. 10:15am
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said that they have a story about how they have to be there to cover Howard’s colonoscopy. Howard said he’ll have to see about that. Steve said that captain Janks took a verbal beating from Bubba the Love Sponge last week about the way he was blaming Steve Langford for his problems.
Steve said that Mariann from Brooklyn got back stage at John Stamos’ ”Bye Bye Birdie” show. Steve said they have some news about Jay Leno’s show and also about Eric the Midget being back with his American Idol wrap up show.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of things they’d be covering on today’s show. They spent a few minutes talking about some of that stuff.
Robin’s News. 01/25/10. 10:20am
Howard played Robin into her news with a song parody that Richard Christy did about her. It was ”Cum On Robin’s Face.” Robin sounded grossed out by it. She said that she’s never had a guy cum on her face. Howard said he’s amazed that it’s never happened. He asked what the allowed area is. Robin said below the neck is the allowed area. Howard said he’s glad to see she has rules.
Robin started her news talking about some stories that were out about him returning to terrestrial radio. Howard said he’s not sure how that all goes so wrong. He said he’s had a lot of phone calls about going back but he’s not going back. Howard said that he’s not going back and he doesn’t care if he’s not out there as much as he was on terrestrial. He said just because he’s had offers doesn’t mean he’s going back. Robin said they keep floating the rumor even though he never said he was going back.
Howard said he doesn’t even care if he gets a contract to stay there. He said he doesn’t care and he’s not going to kiss the company’s ass like Conan did. Robin said Conan had a 7.9 rating with his last show on Friday. She said they should do that all the time and just say it’s his last show. Robin said Letterman had a 2.something rating with his show that night. Robin said it was a big night for Conan over there. They spent a few minutes talking about the Conan and Jay Leno stuff. Jon Hein came in and said that Jay returns on March 1st and he’s not sure how they’re going to spin it on Oprah when he’s on there.
Robin said that Gary Coleman was arrested over the weekend. She said that he was picked up on a Domestic Violence warrant. Robin said that he looks ominous in the picture she saw of him. Robin said that he could probably take out Howard’s knees. She read the details about what they knew but there weren’t many details about what the warrant was for.
Howard checked out the picture of Gary Coleman and said he looks very angry in it. He said he had some facial hair going and that’s always good if you’re a midget.
Robin read some news about Tiger woods and his wife. She said that his wife has visited him in rehab and they want to work things out from what they’re saying in the article she was reading. Robin read about another woman who has come out saying she slept with Tiger. She had some details about that.
Robin said there are rumors that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie may be breaking up. Howard said he loves that. He said they have 6 kids and now they’re going to break up. That was very well thought out. Robin said she read that there was an agreement signed last year to split up their assets and have joint custody of the kids even though they’ll be staying with Jolie. Howard said Pitt had it made and now he’s stuck visiting those 6 kids. Howard said he knows dudes and he knew that wasn’t going to work out.
Robin read some news about the movie ”Avatar” beating out Titanic as the biggest movie of all time already.
Robin read about the Hope For Haiti concert and had some audio of George Clooney speaking during the concert. Robin said they estimate that they brought in about $58 million for the relief effort. Robin had some audio of Bill Clinton speaking during the concert too. Howard and Fred were doing their Clinton impressions joking about how he gets blow jobs down there in trade for a Twinkie.
Robin read some news about a new Osama bin Laden tape that came out over the weekend. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that. She said that they’re not sure if he had anything to do with the latest bombing or not and they think that he could be taking credit for it just because his popularity is waning.
Robin talked about the teams that are going to the Super Bowl. Howard actually knew who was going which was a bit of a surprise. Robin read some details about the games that were played over the weekend. She also brought up Brett Favre and how people are wondering if he’s going to be out or if he’ll come back.
Robin read a story about a woman who killed her boyfriend by sitting on him. Robin said that she pleaded guilty to involuntary manslaughter. She weighed over 300 pounds but the cops weren’t able to get an actual weight because theirs only went up to 350 pounds.
Robin read about a man who was arrested for urinating on $600 worth of steaks at a Walmart store. She had some details about that story.
Robin read about Andy Dick’s legal problems. She said that Dick was arrested in West Virginia for groping and kissing a guy at the comedy club he was working at. Robin had details of that story and Howard said Andy is kind of crazy sometimes. He doesn’t seem to get that people don’t like to be touched. He said down in West Virginia they’re really tolerant of gay hijinx.
Robin said there were rumors that Johnny Depp was dead over the weekend but they were untrue. Robin said that the rumors said he was killed in a car accident. They were completely false according to Depp’s representatives.
Robin read about a new Mel Gibson movie and had some audio of Mel talking about that. Howard let that play through a bit but cut it off saying he can’t stand the guy.
Robin had some audio of Kristin Bell talking about a new movie she’s in. Howard listened to some of that but he said it sounds like she just likes hearing her own voice. He cut that one off pretty quick.
Robin read about the new Tooth Fairy movie and how Julie Andrews is in that. She said she feels really bad for her having to work with Dwayne Johnson in the movie. Howard played some of the audio of Julie Andrews and Robin talked about how sad it is that she lost her voice. Robin said that Stone Cold Steve Austin is in an episode of ”Chuck” tonight. He’s playing an assassin in the show. Howard said that makes sense. More than The Tooth Fairy movie. They ended the show after that, right around 10:55am.