Howard Stern: Chaz Bono is Repulsive (Interview Transcript)

Interview Transcript:

Howard came back and introduced Chaz Bono. Howard said that ”she” was there so Robin corrected him on that. Howard said he screwed up. Howard said he feels like he knows Chaz. He said he’s seen him so much on TV that he feels he knows him. Robin said that they watched him grow up. Chaz notice that Robin was in a booth. Robin said that they believe in segregation there.

Howard said that not many people get to experience life with estrogen and testosterone. Howard said Chaz has realized how yappy women are. Chaz said that things used to roll of his back a lot easier in the past. Chaz said he used to be able to tolerate things much better than he can now. He said that things don’t roll off his back so easy. He said that he talks to his girlfriend and has to ask if she’s going to stop talking.

Howard asked Chaz if he met Beth out there. He said he did. Howard said he told Beth that he’s gassy and he wonders if he can just blast one out. Chaz said he went to the bathroom during a show once and the guy next to him was farting so loud that he started laughing. He said that this guy had no problem doing it in there. He said a woman would be much more subtle. Robin said women would wait to be home to make those noises.

Howard said he was disgusted with Dr. Keith Ablow during the whole Dancing with the Stars thing. Howard said when he came out he figured that he was an educated guy. Howard said Ablow was offending him. He said he became Chaz’s biggest defender during that. Howard asked if Chaz got any death threats. Chaz said he did get them through Twitter. He said he didn’t expect that. He said that he did get some positive feedback through and he never expected that either.

Howard said Chaz wasn’t the greatest dancer but he was put through because people felt something for him. Chaz said he hoped he wouldn’t get voted off the first week and he didn’t expect to stick around forever. He said he was thrilled that he was on as long as he was. Chaz said he was overwhelmed by the response he got from people.

Howard said that Chaz claims that his relationship got better with his mom after that. Howard said he was saddened by that. He asked if that’s what it takes to get love from Cher. Chaz said that she can relate to show business so that’s why she was happy for him. Chaz said they could bond over that on a certain level because it’s a common experience.

Howard asked if Cher gave him advice. Chaz said he didn’t get advice from her but she did send over some physical therapists to help him when he injured himself early on. He said that helped get her through the show.

Howard asked Chaz about what it was like being Sonny and Cher’s kid. Howard asked if he saw the Joan Rivers documentary. Chaz hadn’t seen it. Howard said that Melissa talks about how tough it was growing up as Joan’s kid. Howard said he should see it. Howard asked Chaz if he felt abandoned as a kid with parents in show business. He said he didn’t feel abandoned. He felt that he should stay out of their way though. Chaz said that the time he spent with his dad was the most normal. Howard said Sonny was also more accepting of his sexuality.

Chaz said that his dad told him that he didn’t have a problem with gay marriage but he did vote against it. He came out and co-sponsored a bill that wasn’t what he believed in. He said that he had to follow party lines to keep his job though. Chaz said that he and his dad were not confrontational people so they didn’t have it out over that. They just didn’t talk and then he passed away. Howard asked if he was upset about that or was it okay because he was angry over it. Chaz said he wished he had handled it differently. Howard asked if he went to the funeral. Chaz said of course he did. He said that both of them did a stupid thing. He said they should have just talked.

Howard asked if Chaz was shocked seeing his mom carrying on at the funeral. Chaz said that he was the one who told his mom that he had died. He said he got the call from Mary and he had to let his mom know. He said he had to call her in England. Chaz said that he wanted to tell his mom himself and his aunt told him that she was really going to be upset. Chaz said that his mom broke down when he told her. He said that showed that they really did mean a lot to each other. He said it really hit him then.

Chaz told Howard that neither of his parents ever spoke a bad word about the other when he was growing up. She said that was a good thing. Howard said that maybe it’s good to hear that once in a while. Chaz said that her dad was a great guy but also a complicated guy. He said he was very controlling with his wives. Howard said he thinks of him like a hippie and not a strict republican.

Howard said he’s thinking about Cher as Chaz’s mother. Howard said she left Sonny and suddenly Cher is experiencing her first childhood. She’s free and she must have just figured she could go out and meet men and date. Howard asked if it was a shock to see her out showing her ass and things like that. He asked how weird that was for Chaz. Chaz said he remembers feeling weird when she’d come to school because she didn’t look like the other mothers. He said she has her look and style and it wasn’t anything like the other moms.

Howard asked if he thinks that a mom has to put said her personal look and maybe dress like the other moms. Chaz said she didn’t dress like that. It was just more stylish than other moms. Chaz said he just wanted to be like the other kids and that was hard.

Howard asked Chaz about Cher marrying the bagel guy and some of the other guys like Greg Allman. Howard asked what it was like having those people around. Chaz said it really wasn’t that bad. He said that his mom was a serial monogamous person. He said she’d have a boyfriend for a few years and then she’d get another one. He said he had some great guys around him growing up. He said he had Gene Simmons around him for a while. Howard said that is not a good influence. Chaz said that Gene was great with her and her brother. Chaz said he was a huge KISS fan before that so it was great.

Howard asked if Gene charged her for all of the KISS merchandise. Chaz said he actually gave it to him for free. He said that Gene was very generous with him.

Howard asked Chaz about being in a band and writing his own music. Chaz said that the whole Grunge thing was just starting so their album didn’t do that well. He said it would have been a nightmare to be a girl in a band anyway.

Howard said he’s had Elijah Blue on the show. Chaz said that he’s a weird guy. He said that Elijah will come to him when he needs something. He said that he’s still dependant on their mom for support. Chaz said it’s a hard way to grow up and it’s growing up in a reality that’s not reality. Howard said that maybe he should go out and do something different like become a teacher. Chaz said he’d like to see him happy and thriving. That’s what he wants for him. Howard said this kid has fucked everyone. He asked if Chaz has penis envy over that. Chaz said that he kind of does. He wondered if the girls actually talk to him. He said that Elijah is just way out there but he’s incredibly smart in an impractical way.

Howard asked if Greg Allman is involved at all. Chaz said he doesn’t think so to a big degree. Chaz said that he doesn’t hate Greg though. Howard asked if Cher has horrible taste in men. Chaz said no because she’s had some great men in her life.

Chaz told Howard about going out with Greg one night and he got so high he didn’t know how to get home. Then some guy showed them the way and they stopped at a bar on the way home. They spent a couple of hours there and Chaz was just a little kid at the time.

Howard asked if Chaz’s mom really knows him. Chaz said she doesn’t know him as well as some other people. Chaz said that the transition was very hard on her but she’s become more comfortable with that over time.

Howard said he thinks about Cher on the battleship with her ass showing and he wondered what Chastity was thinking at the time. Howard said he was on TV as Fartman so he wonders what his kids were thinking too. He said it is a learning experience. Howard said he’s not putting Cher down but he think about how difficult it must have been for Chaz.

Chaz said it’s a tough thing to grow up with when your parents are in the entertainment industry. He said he wanted to carve out his own niche and he hoped that people would some day see him for more than just being their kid.

Howard asked if he had any fun growing up. Chaz said he felt something was wrong with her from as far back as he has memory. Howard asked how early he came out of the closet. Chaz said that he was pretty much the only one who did but it was in high school. Howard asked if he got tons of chicks in high school. Chaz said he did get the bi-curious girls. Howard asked if he was a seducer. Chaz said he kind of flies under the radar. Howard said he must work the room slowly.

Howard asked if he ever tried to bang Jennifer Aniston. Chaz said no. They were very close but he never tried to get her. Chaz said he fell hard for a girl in high school and that took the focus back then. Howard said that the girls must have come on to him because they knew he was gay. Howard asked if some of the girls wanted to experiment. Chaz said that’s where he fit in back then. He said that it was harder for him because in high school he wasn’t with anyone who was gay. He said that most of the women he was with are with men now. Howard asked if he had any famous women. Chaz said no.

Howard said that Chaz’s girlfriend is very feminine and super hot. Howard said she’s super femme. Howard said she sticks by Chaz through all of this. Chaz said that she’s bi. Howard said she claims that she likes Chaz better as a man than as a woman. Howard said he can’t figure this out. He said he’s really confused.

Howard asked Chaz if he’s ever been with a guy. He said he was once. He was 17 at the time and it was really nothing to her. He said he just wanted to do it so he could say he did it. Chaz said it was a friend of a friend and he knew him so it was something he could just do. Howard said he would have done it for her too but maybe not if she was only 17. Chaz said they went to the movies and then went back home and did it.

Howard asked Chaz if he was able to get wet. Chaz said he can’t remember. Howard asked if it was painful. He said it might have been. Howard said he can’t believe that. He wondered if that guy ever came forward. Chaz said he didn’t. He said that this just wasn’t for him. He said sex is sex and it feels good but it felt wrong to him.

Howard asked Chaz about the operation he had and said he felt happy for him when he had it done. Howard said now they talk about getting a penis. Howard said they are nowhere near this operation and there’s no way he’s letting him do this. Chaz said there are two different surgeries and the one he would do is use what you have, the clitoris, because it’s bigger than it used to be thanks to the testosterone. Howard asked if it’s a couple of inches long now. Chaz said it is. Chaz showed Howard this thing called a soft pack that he uses. It’s a cock that gives you a nice bulge. Howard said he knows some transgender people, but the other way around, male to female. Howard said that these people can’t stand seeing their penis and he’s wondering if Chaz can’t stand seeing his vagina. Chaz said it’s not that bad. He said seeing a penis is probably worse than having a vagina because you see it outside your body.

Howard said that Chaz has a 2 or 3 inch clit and he wonders if he can fuck women with that. Chaz said he didn’t say that. Howard said his penis is about that size and he can still fuck women.

Howard said Chaz is considering staying the way he is now with the 2 or 3 inch clit. Chaz said that it does get hard but you can’t penetrate with it. He said that what he will probably do is go to Belgrade to get an operation. He said that they do this procedure where they take the clitoris and make it bigger. They take a graft from your cheek and lengthen it with a urethra and testicular implants. He said it works and you can pee standing up. Howard said he’s a guy who pees sitting down. He said he’s so small that he has to sit down to pee. Howard said Chaz is more proud of what he has down below than he is.

Chaz said he got stopped in airport security with that penis thing. He said he did a lot to get it to Howard.

Howard asked Chaz if he uses a strap on to simulate a penis. He said he has used them but it’s not satisfying. Howard said life is not easy. Chaz laughed and said it’s not…

Howard asked Chaz how long he’s been financially independent. He said that it’s been since about 1996 or 1997. Howard said that’s what he’s trying to get Elijah to do. Chaz said before he transitioned he was in horrible financial shape. He said he hated going to his mom for help. Howard said that his mom must be worth a lot and that would be his full time job kissing her ass all day long.

Howard asked if Chaz knew Ron Zimmerman. Chaz said of course he did. Howard said that Ron is their friend and it was shocking to see that he was dating Cher. Chaz said they’re on again off again.

Howard said that Chaz has a new season of Being Chaz coming up on the OWN network. Chaz said it’s been fun doing the show. He said it’s hard though. He said that he and Jen have been going through a lot of stuff and you see it come out on this show. Howard said Jen started drinking heavily through the whole transition thing. Chaz said that’s true. He said the hard part has been riding that with Jen. He said that Jen has been abstaining from alcohol but he didn’t go as far as to say she’s sober.

Howard asked Chaz about sex with Jen and if she keeps her from putting a finger in there. He said that she doesn’t do that. Chaz said that he dries up from the testosterone anyway so it’s not a pleasant thing. He doesn’t get a period anymore either.

Howard asked if Chaz is going to sue the Enquirer for saying she’s near death from the drugs he’s taking. He said he would just like them to apologize.

Howard asked why Cher conducts her business in her bathroom. Chaz said that dinner isn’t in there but he has hung out in the bathroom over there. Chaz said Cher does have a day bed in the bathroom. He was laughing while talking about that.

Howard asked if Elijah lives at home with Cher. Chaz said that he has moved out. Howard asked who he’s banging now. Chaz didn’t know.

Howard asked Chaz if he gets hit on a lot now. He said that he does get hit on via Twitter. He said he’s not going to fuck around though. Howard said he’s a guy now so he has to fuck around.

Howard asked Chaz if he thinks his dance partner, Lacey, was kind of chunky. Chaz said that he was attracted to her. Howard asked if he made any moves on her. Chaz said he didn’t do that. Howard asked if he masturbated thinking about her. Chaz said he has respect for women and he can’t do that. Howard said he has a lot of feminine feelings left in there. Howard asked what he masturbates to. Chaz said he does that to porn on the internet. Howard said he’s very proud of him for saying that. Howard asked what his favorite kind of porn is. Chaz didn’t get a chance to say. Howard said that he loves Babysitter porn. He told Chaz to check it out. Chaz said he’s more into guy on girl porn. He never really liked girl on girl. He said that looks fake to him. He said he likes the amateur stuff too.

Howard asked Chaz where he goes for porn. He said something about or something like that. Howard said he had to write that down. Howard asked if Chaz does it solo. He said he does. Howard said that he’s totally transitioned. Chaz said he will do it in the kitchen and ask Jen to leave him alone for like 15 minutes. Howard said he has an iPad so he can use that to jerk off. Chaz said he has an iPad but the porn doesn’t come up fast enough for him.

Howard asked Chaz if he got good money for being on Dancing with the Stars. Chaz said he got a flat rate and the longer you stay on the more you get. He said it was a great incentive to stay on.

Howard asked Chaz about the people on Dancing with the Stars. Chaz said that he saw J.R. early on and he knew that he would win the show. He said he really wants him to win. Howard said he doesn’t know how that guy does it because he cries over his face every morning and he’s not even burned like J.R.

Howard asked Chaz about going to the party with David Arquette recently. Chaz said that was a Halloween party. Howard asked about wanting to bang that Karina chick. Chaz said she’s very attractive. Howard said she’s got a great body. Howard said he’d beat off to that on his iPad.

Howard said he heard that Karina was dancing around at the party. Chaz said she was. Howard asked if Chaz has lost a few pounds. Chaz said he lost some weight and he’s trying to keep going. Howard said he thinks that it’s a passive aggressive thing toward Cher staying fat. Chaz said he just enjoys food and it’s nothing about his mom. Chaz said he gave up cigarettes a couple of years ago and didn’t gain any weight but didn’t lose any either.

Howard asked Chaz about her addiction to Oxy a few years ago. Chaz said that he was going to therapy and trying to ween off of the stuff but not really. He said that it was the beginning of the year and he told the therapist he didn’t like her and he just wanted to be left alone and do the drugs. Chaz said that the therapist told him that he was trying to slowly kill himself and push everyone out of his life. He said that made him realize that he had hit the bottom and he had a moment of clarity and he had to stop this. Chaz said he went to treatment and got off the stuff.

Howard asked if Cher has a will. Chaz said that Sonny didn’t. She said that they all got a portion of his song publishing royalties. Chaz said that there is some money there but any cash he had went to his wife Mary. Howard said that he should have had a will. Howard asked if Cher has one. Chaz said that he’s sure she does. Howard wondered how the money would be split. He said she must have millions. Howard said if he plays this right then he could get the mother load. Howard said that Elijah might not get as much as Chaz does. Robin said that Chaz may end up being in charge of Elijah. Chaz said that’s what keeps him up at night. Howard said he can see the money going right out the window if Elijah gets it.

Howard asked if Chaz is a millionaire. He said that with assets he might be. Chaz said that his mom is extremely generous. He said that she’s helped him out with things like buying her house and things like that.

Howard said that Chaz is the only thing going on with the OWN network. Howard said Oprah was all about not doing reality shows on her network but now she’s all about Chaz and her reality show. Howard said that Oprah doesn’t understand men. Chaz said he met her and did get to hang out with her a bit at Sundance. He said that it is Oprah after all and it is mesmerizing to talk to her.

Chaz asked Howard for a bottle of water. Howard said he sure can. He said he’s had him talking for an hour now. He said he’ll try to wrap things up.

Howard asked Chaz what his next step is. Chaz said he stopped acting as a woman and he’s thinking about getting back into that as a man. He’s not sure if he’ll be accepted. He said he’d be willing to shave his head for a movie when Howard asked about that.

Howard asked Chaz about the beard and why he doesn’t have a moustache. Chaz said that he can’t grow the moustache yet. He said the hair has kind of started from below and it’s working its way up. He said he’d like to see if he can look like his dad with the moustache eventually.

Howard said he wants to grow a Hitler moustache. Howard said that was a cool moustache until Hitler ruined it for everyone.

Howard took a call from a guy who said that it’s great that Chaz finally came on the show. Howard asked if it was a problem with Cher. Chaz said that his publicist was the one who finally let him do it. He said that he wanted to do it and finally got the chance. He said that they did tell him that he’d have to talk about penises the whole time.

The caller asked Chaz if he prefers tits or ass. Chaz said he likes both. He said nice breasts are nice. Howard said that they say that lesbian women make love for hours but Chaz said that’s a myth. Howard asked if he spends more time on boobs now that he’s on testosterone. Chaz said he didn’t notice them until he was on testosterone. He said that he’s discovered that breasts are like an eye magnet now.

Howard said he read that Chaz wanted to go talk to Angelina Jolie’s kid Shylo who looks like he dresses up as a boy all the time. Chaz said he never said that he wanted to go talk to the kid. He said he was asked about the kid and he has a group for kids who may be transgender and if they needed help he’d be willing to be there for them. He said they misinterpreted that.

Robin asked Chaz about this boy who wanted to be a Girl Scout. Chaz said he thinks that they should be allowed to do that. Chaz said when you have consciousness you know if you feel like a boy or a girl. He said that they should let the kids be who they feel they are.

Howard said that he thinks that Dr. Keith is really wrong about what he was saying about letting kids watch Chaz on Dancing with the Stars.

,Howard asked what Chaz is doing today. He said he’s doing a few more interviews there at Sirius XM and then going to do Wendy Williams. Howard said he thinks that Chaz is having a good time there today. Chaz said he actually is.

Howard took another call from a guy who said he dressed up as Chaz for Halloween. He said he wore a sweater vest and he’s kind of stocky. He said he drew on a beard and he had a picture of Chaz’s dancer attached to him.

Howard asked Chaz who he thinks is the sexiest chick on that show. Chaz said he thinks Lacey is. He said she sticks out and she’s really good.

Howard asked Chaz if he’s been to a strip club yet. Chaz said he hasn’t yet but he has to do that eventually. Howard asked if he and Jen are going to break up. Chaz said they’re in a tough place right now but they’re trying to get through it. Howard asked if he feels guilty about breaking up. Chaz said they haven’t broken up so that’s not even a question.

Howard asked about the reality show and if he feels like he has to be ”on” for the camera. Chaz said they do have a game plan for the show and he doesn’t force anything. Howard said he’d feel a pressure to perform. He said he’d have to make some noise at least.

Howard took a call from David Arquette who said this was a great interview. He said that he asked all of the questions that they wanted to hear asked.

Howard asked which party it was that they went to that night. David said they went to Kate Hudson’s party. Howard said if he hooked up with Kate it would be the biggest story ever. Howard said it would be great if Chaz started dating Courteney. David said then he could start dating Cher.

Howard asked Chaz if he’s attracted to Courteney. Chaz said that’s the ex-wife of his friend so he would never do that. Howard said he’s into the man code then. Chaz said he would like to do a show with David, Carson Kressley and J.R. else and do something like The View. Howard said he’d like them to do the show on Howard 100 so they can hear what that would sound like. Chaz said he’s game. David was up for it too. Howard said he wants to hear pussy talk and stuff about Chaz wanting to fuck David’s wife.

Chaz said he thinks that they could get female viewership too because they’re offbeat guys. Howard said David is very offbeat.

Howard asked Chaz about one of her first loves being Cher’s good friend. Howard said Cher was fine with it too. Howard said they’ll save that for another time. Howard let David go and David told Chaz he did a great job with the interview today.

Howard said he could bullshit with Chaz all day. He had to wrap up though. He said that Being Chaz is going to be on OWN starting November 27th. Howard asked Chaz if he’s done with the tattoos. Chaz said that he is for now. Howard showed what he has on his arm. Chaz said that they all have a little meaning to him. Howard said his mean nothing to him. He said he hates astrology and he’s not sure why he did the one he did on his arm.

Howard asked Chaz if he shaves his bush. Howard said that his bush is full and he’s man so that’s cool. Chaz said he lets it grow. Howard said that the hair on his bush is longer than his penis.

Howard asked Chaz what happened to Sonny Bono. Chaz said he made the decision to cross over from one ski trail to another and he ended up hitting a tree. Howard said he has never skied. Chaz said he hasn’t done it in a long time. Howard said that’s good. He doesn’t want to end up in a tree. Chaz said that he’d still do it and it was just a poor decision on her dad’s part. Chaz said he wouldn’t try to ski through the trees.

Howard wrapped up with Chaz and thanked him for coming in. Howard said he admires his courage. Howard said he’s in his corner and he’ll defend him the best he can.

New Jackie Martling interview

A lot of Stern show fans have been complaining that the show is on vacation too much now. What do you think about that?
I do know back when I was on the show, I remember I was always screaming to Howard (impersonating his own voice) “Come on let’s have four days!” And he’d always say, “Mel won’t let me do it.” Because I always said, “God this would be the greatest job…” Not that it’s not the greatest job in the world now, but if it had been four days a week, and you got that extra day to regenerate, that would have been like I died and went to heaven. I would have loved that. The worst thing about not being on the show is I miss sitting there and laughing. We’d laugh for five hours, five days a week. And you just don’t have that in a normal life.

It just doesn’t exist. Of course the idea of writing something and then two seconds later rather, millions of people are laughing at it, that’s like a comedian’s dream. But sitting there and laughing and just having such a great time… They used to goof on me, because everyday we would get done and I’d go, “That was a great show,” and everybody would go (in a Jackie impersonation) “Yeah, that was a great show.” But I always meant it. I wouldn’t just say it. I’d say it if it was a great show, and it usually was.

Read moreNew Jackie Martling interview

Beth Sterns Hamptons Magazine Interview

KATIE LEE: You and Howard are the most affectionate couple I know. What is the best thing about being married to him?
BETH OSTROSKY STERN: You always say that! Actually, you are not the first person to tell us that. We really do have fun together, day in and day out, and we do well when we are together 24/7. After almost 12 years, I still cannot get enough of him. We love to say that we are so lucky that we get to have a slumber party together every night. What is our secret? We appreciate each other, and he really listens to everything I say. I think he is quite a catch—the perfect husband.

KL: The two of you spend most of your downtime here in the Hamptons. What are your favorite things to do?
BOS: Anything that Howard and I are doing together makes me happy. We love to run or ride our bikes together; take beach walks with Bianca, our nine-and-a-half-year-old bulldog; walk into town and shop at the local stores; dine at the incredible restaurants out here; and just hang with friends. My favorite times are having you over for dinner with us. Remember New Year’s Eve last year here in the Hamptons? How much fun did we have? We spend time here year-round. The winters in the Hamptons are magical.

KL: Describe your typical Hamptons day.
BOS: We always wake up together around 5 AM, feed the cats and Bianca and have our breakfast, then we meditate together. We practice transcendental meditation; Howard has been doing it for more than 20 years, and I started three summers ago, two times a day, every day. Howard and I usually run three to five miles every day or take a beach walk and then plan our dinner. By 9 PM we are in bed. We are such the grandma-grandpa couple, going to bed early and planning our meals.

KL: Since you know the area so well, do you have any secret spots or activities that most people do not know about?
BOS: You and I seem to have discovered Exhale Bridgehampton’s Core Fusion class. I do not know if people will love me or hate me for telling them to try it, [but] it really is such a great workout. I am hosting a class there on August 6 at 6 PM; all the proceeds will go to my favorite organization outhere, the Wildlife Rescue Center of the Hamptons. I signed you up already. It should be fun—exercise then cocktails, my two favorite things.

KL: Howard has become quite the photographer, and lucky for him, he has you as his muse. How does it feel to be in front of his lens? Does it make you nervous or more comfortable?
BOS: Howard loves his newest hobby, and it is taking over our lives! No one in the house is safe—click, click, click, every second. But, seriously, he is really good and I love being his muse. He has taken pictures of me and our pets that I will cherish forever. I think he captures a look from me in his photos that no one else can achieve. I suppose it is the “look of love.” He is so cute when he is taking pictures; he melts my heart.

KL: I am always so impressed by the work you do for animals—you are a spokesperson for North Shore Animal League America, and you are involved with the Wildlife Rescue Center of the Hamptons.
BOS: I love the work I do for NSALA, spreading the word of its lifesaving mission—almost 1 million animals adopted to date. Also, I cannot say enough about the work NSALA does at the Wildlife Rescue Center, right here in the Hamptons. The magnificent animals in our backyards get hurt all the time, and it is up to us to help them. I beg everyone to call the center if they see an injured or sick animal; put the number in your phone. I love going to the center in Hampton Bays and visiting the animals. Swans, ducks, deer, turtles, foxes, eagles, squirrels, bunnies—Howard actually just spent the day there photographing the animals. I am cochairing the annual summer event on August 20 at the home of Leslie Alexander and Liz Brown. You are coming to that, too, by the way.

KL: Last summer you debuted your book, Oh My Dog: How to Choose, Train, Groom, Nurture, Feed, and Care for Your New Best Friend, which became a New York Times best seller. Summer seems to be the time of year when our pooches get in trouble. What are your top safety tips for our furry friends?
BOS: I was shopping at Rumrunner Home in Wainscott the other day, and in the lot there was a parked car with a Siberian husky, in 90-degree weather and not in the shade. I went ballistic. You already know this, but let us remind people to not leave their pets in the car while shopping—this can be fatal! Ticks are also out in full force here. People should ask their vet what kind of prevention method he or she recommends. Also, cold water should be accessible to pets at all times. I like to put ice cubes in Bianca’s water dishes all summer long.

KL: You and Howard made some additions to your family recently. What does Bianca think about her new brother and sister?
BOS: Over the past year and a half, Howard and I have adopted two adult cats from North Shore Animal League, Apple and Walter. Cats are such easy, fun pets. Bianca is so kind to them, but she always has to have our undivided attention, of course! They are being photographed by their dad every second as well. They seem bored by the picture-taking already.

KL: You have a beautiful home, and now you are taking your décor expertise to television. Tell me about Mom Caves and the Hamptonsinspired show you just did.
BOS: I was so lucky to be able to shop for it at some of my favorite Hamptons stores. Homenature is a great place to go to for Hamptons-esque accessories—baskets, picture frames, trays, pillows and more. And Rumrunner Home is a great store to find fun, beachy artwork and furniture. On Mom Caves [airing at the end of the summer], we create a Hamptons-inspired family room for this special New Jersey schoolteacher. Her favorite place to visit is the Hamptons, so we brought a little of it to New Jersey.

KL: I know a little guilty pleasure you and I both share—and Howard, too. I’ll let you guess…
BOS: Reality television! How many texts do we send each other on a daily basis about The Bachelorette? I am so lucky that my husband is obsessed as well. Sometimes he presses pause when a show is on and I talk over the TV, then he waits for me to finish before he unpauses. Dancing with the Stars, American Idol, America’s Got Talent, Celebrity Rehab—we are obsessed.

KL: You have a storybook love and have created quite a diverse and successful career for yourself. Out of all my friends, I look at you and think you are just about as close to “having it all” as anyone I know. Where do you see life taking you in five years?
BOS: I will hopefully be as happy and as fulfilled as I am at this very moment, surrounded by the love of my husband and my animals and friends like you. I would love to open a shelter of my own one day. If I can make that happen, all of my dreams will have come true.

Beth Stern’s OK Magazine interview

As the wife of shock jock Howard Stern, one might think Beth Ostrosky Stern would be the most permissive person ever. Not so!

When asked what she thinks of Shia LaBeouf saying he was intimate with Transformers co-star Megan Fox while she was involved with now-husband Brian Austin Green, the model bristles.

“Uh-oh!” she exclaims this week during The HSUS’ Chefs For Seals NYC event at Skylight West. “Oops. I don’t know. It’s just uh-oh. [nervously laughs] I’m not going there.”

For Beth, 38, an open marriage – which several Hollywood couples have admitted to permitting – is a no-no.

“Oh, not for me,” she tells me. “I would get so jealous, and I know my husband would get so jealous, and I know that’s something that’s not for us. We’re happy with just each other, and if that day ever comes, that means we’re not supposed to be together.”

She believes Howard would never stray.

“No, I think we both respect each other so much that we would never cheat. I would hope that he would come to me if he had that desire, because I know I would come to him. I gave him that vow when we were married. Until that day – hopefully that day will never be – but we’re happy and secure and hope that there will be no others for the rest of our lives. [laughs]”

Although the couple, who wed in 2008, are famously in love, Beth admits Howard, 57, isn’t perfect.

“He wears his boots on our white carpet, and that’s our only thing – that’s the only thing about him that bugs me, and he knows it,” she says. “Even yesterday, I saw him taking off his boots. Well, he already walked through on the white carpet, and he knows it bugs me.”

She adds, “We’re working through it. We may need to go to therapy, but I think we’re on track. [laughs] I’m kidding; I’m kidding.”

Of course, Howard has his strong points.

“He actually just shot the cover of my Hamptons magazine that’s coming up, and he got a look from me that no other photographer has ever captured. He was phenomenal, and I’m excited about the whole spread and the cover. It’s a first for him. It’s his first cover, and it’s of his wife. [laughs]”

One way the couple keeps their bond strong is through their animals.

“Our whole life revolves around our pets. We have our two cats and our dog, and everything we do, they’re around us, they’re with us, they’re sleeping with us. They rule the house, and we cater to them. That’s how it is in the Stern household, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.”

He also gets involved with her causes, like saving the animals.

“My husband and I were walking in the Hamptons last month, and we came across a seal,” she says. “We spent hours with the seal, and my husband spent hours with this seal, photographing him, and he was a person.”

She whips out her phone to show me a photo of the mammal.

“He had such soulful eyes, so magnificent, and anyone that could slaughter an animal that’s looking at you like that – it’s disgusting. Who wears fur these days? No one. Anyone who does is disgusting, and we have to stop. These animals need our help!”

She adds, “Seals are in need of human help, so we are all here together to stop the cruelty that’s going on with these seals, and I am so amazed and excited that The Humane Society has joined forces with these chefs to put an end to buying Canadian seafood until this is stopped, because it must stop.”

Beth heads upstairs, where DJ Josh Madden spins tunes like The Tide Is High, Hard To Handle, Can’t Hurry Love and I Want To Be With You Everywhere on the rooftop deck. Printed behind him is a strong message: “Save The Seals. Don’t Buy While Seals Die. Boycott Canadian Seafood.”

Stuffed animal baby seals dot the tables, and a costumed character seal poses for photos with guests, who munch on watermelon and admire the captivating seal images shot by America’s Next Top Model judge – and photographer – Nigel Barker.

Beth is right: They do have expressive eyes.

Howard Stern Rolling Stone Interview

Howard’s Interview Style
“The biggest criticism of my interviews is that I cut people off. I think my biggest asset is that I cut people off. It sounds like a contradiction, but the fact is you can’t allow people to drone on. You are the orchestra leader. You are the one who is saying, ‘My audience wants something new. I’ve got to get out of this. I gotta keep it fresh.’”

Howard’s Early Training
“The ability to interview people and read your subject comes from my mother being very demanding of me with one thing: That I should be able to read her mood and know what she wanted. I could look in my mother’s eyes and know everything. I was trained to make my mother happy. And I swear to you, when I sit there on the radio, I don’t miss a trick because I’ll study it. I count how many times you blink. I watch everything.”

Howard’s Neurotic Attention
“I enjoy doing the radio show every day. But the neurotic attention I devote to it and the inability to get rid of that insecurity is very fatiguing for me. The curse is that I take it so seriously. I just can’t walk out of here and say, “I did a good show today and I’m very satisfied.” No, I gotta know, do you think I did a good show and are you satisfied? And that’s the neurosis and that’s the source of all problems for me.”

Howard Cares Too Much
“I sort of admire Charlie Sheen’s ability to say fuck you to the world. It’s a fascinating car wreck because, you know, how many people are in Hollywood dying for a hit television show? I don’t know whether to give him a medal or to throw him in a loony bin. He doesn’t care, and that’s not me. Oh, I care! I care what my parents think, I care what you think, I care too much. In a way, I’m in as weird a place as Charlie Sheen. He doesn’t care at all and I care too much. Where’s the middle ground?”

Howard’s Addiction
“I’m a people addict. That’s what an addiction to people is: [The need for] attention, acclaim, validation. I think all of that is operating there. It’s desperate.”

Howard and the Wild Animals
“It’s funny that people’s perception of me is that I’m some sort of wild animal when, in fact, I’m interested in interviewing the wild animal because I am so controlled. I’m fascinated by the out-of-control guy or exploring the porn star who has completely defied her family, her morality and values. And I’m like, ‘Wow, tell me about that. How do you get to that point? Part of what you’re saying I kind of admire, but then again, you’re destroying yourself too.'”

Why Howard Won’t Hire Prostitutes
“I’m too germ-phobic.”

Howard on Single Life
“After my divorce, I realized, “Oh, wow, I can go have sex.” And I was running around, picking up women. Then all of a sudden, it dawned on me that I really didn’t need that much sex. I just wanted somebody with me every minute. I was using women as a surrogate mother. When I tapped into that, it suddenly became very childish behavior. And really, was it so great fucking every night? They’re using me for my fame, I’m using them for their beauty, and the whole fucking thing seemed empty.”

Howard’s One-Track Mind
“Radio was everything. I had to win – at all costs, no holds barred. Not to sound like Charlie Sheen, but losing was not an option. I put in a lot of hours of work on it. I listened to every show back on tape. I sat there and thought everything through. I spent thousands of hours editing tapes, writing commercials, incorporating sound effects. I spent endless days and nights thinking about this and nothing else.”

Howard on Marriage
“In many ways, my marriage now is so easy, but I’m also aware that I could fuck things up very easily. I could start getting more into my work, and ignoring what’s important to Beth. I’m awfully narcissistic, and I have to keep that in check. I can’t be like King Tut sitting there and expect to be taken care of, because so many times we can turn our wives into mothers.”

Howard on Artie Lange
“Finding Artie was a great joy. But Artie’s demons got a hold of him, and I’m probably the last one to really have realized what he was going through. To me, Artie was coming in and doing his job and he did it so well that I really didn’t think he had a problem. Toward the end, I got it. You’d have to be blind not to see it. But I’m not a drug guy, really. Early in my life, I took drugs, but I’m very naive about it. Maybe I just wanted to have blinders on, I don’t know.”

Howard on Therapy
“Therapy has opened up new sides to me. I’m more willing to explore areas that I didn’t understand before with people. I was more one-dimensional, like Cro-Magnon in a way, banging people over the head in my early years. Sometimes when I hear the old shows broadcast, I want to cringe.”

Howard’s Career Advice
“Absolutely. I get angry with performers like Rush Limbaugh who are just shills for the Republican Party. I’m not a big listener of his, but wouldn’t he be a lot more interesting if once in a while he was for something that the Republican Party was against? I thought he had a real opportunity with that whole drug-addiction thing to maybe open up and say, “Man, I’m as confused as all of you.” But, no, he has to keep the persona. He’s an expert. He knows everything. It’s boring. You’ve gotta grow. The audience has to feel that growth. There are so many guys doing the same act, like Sean Hannity. If Limbaugh was the one guy who started talking about his insecurities, then he’d have a following that would be 10 times the size. If you want to go to the next level, you gotta open up a whole bunch more. That’s the secret for anybody who’s considering a career in radio.”

Howard Gets Bitten in the Ass
“Those [old] shows can bite you in the ass, because I think the war in Iraq is ridiculous, but you can hear old shows of me screaming, “Come on, we have to go to Iraq and blow everyone up.” Oh, fuck, I sounded like an idiot.”

Howard Becomes a Human
“Talking on the radio is a performance. Even though it’s pretty raw, what I do, and I do open up, it’s still a performance. If you go to a therapy session, it’s a whole ‘nother level. It’s been useful to me because I think it’s just opened me up as a human being. I feel less like a detached robot. I actually feel human. I don’t think I did before.”

Howard’s Radio Strategy
“When I was starting out, I came to the revelation that if I was going to go anywhere in radio, I can’t be playing records. I said, ‘I can’t rely on the Beatles or the Rolling Stones to get me ratings. Every asshole can play those. But if what I have to say was important, no one can replicate that.'”

Howard Makes Friends
“I notice when I’m able to break through my fear and hesitance and create some friendships, it really feels good. I missed a lot of that by not fully being human. It’s really hard, because I’m the first one to tend to shut down. I’m the type of guy who will invite you to my home and then all of a sudden, I’ll be angry you’re at my house, like, ‘When can I be by myself?'”

Howard on His Divorce
“[Getting a divorce] felt like such a failure. It’s so complicated, and it’s hard for me even to figure out at this point what went wrong and how things that were so good could go so bad. It’s tough. I think I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to analyze that.”

Howard on Competition
“[In the past] I was a slug, and I was down in the mud. I felt very defensive. I had to do whatever I had to do to make a living, and that I would tear the fucking head off of anyone who got in my way. And now I’m more comfortable with my place and what I’ve done. I don’t feel as threatened by anybody else. I have a really nice friendship with Jimmy Kimmel. Years ago, I could have had a friendship with anybody in show business, and I didn’t, because everyone was a competitor.”

Howard Seeks Balance
“I had something to prove to the world, to my father, to every woman that never fucked me. You know, everything. I’m not saying I’m fully evolved now. I’m not Buddha. Sometimes it’s hard for me to accept that I don’t have every listener and I haven’t written every good joke. I get competitive. But that’s no way to live. I’m tired of walking around angry. It’s a burden. And that’s why I’m trying to find balance.”